


In Love and Death We Don't Decide

by siriuslywritten



Series: Bloodlines [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: I Will Go Down With This Ship, Multi, Sirius Black is my dream man I'm sorry, blackinnon, jily, there will be sexy times, wrote some of this while ragingly drunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2019-11-08 01:21:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 48,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17971781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siriuslywritten/pseuds/siriuslywritten
Summary: A Marauders era fic, inspired by the song “Lost” by Dermot Kennedy. Covers the Marauders’ final year at Hogwarts, as Sirius realises that his bad boy image might not be so accurate any more.Certain liberties taken with small things - Quidditch positions etc. - so don't @ me, it's kr8tive.Eventual Jily, eventual Blackinnon. Minimal Wormtail because he’s about as interesting as wet lettuce.





	1. Blame It on the Hangover

**Author's Note:**

> Basically I got flu, and fell into a fanfic rabbit hole I haven't been in for a long time, while listening to a lot of Dermot Kennedy. I know not everyone is on board with Blackinnon, but I am very much. Shorter chapter to start, and then they're longer.

“On a scale of one to ten,” Sirius began quietly.

“How screwed are you?” James replied, nursing his cup of tea and running a hand through his already-crumpled hair.

“Yeah.”

“I’m going to give it a solid eleven, Padfoot,” James finished dryly, and helped himself to another piece of toast.

Sirius grunted, and did the same. James looked bad, but Sirius, quite frankly, thought this was the hangover that was actually going to end his life. His brain felt foggy, he was sweating, and somehow the noise of the Great Hall at breakfast was simultaneously muffled and louder than it had ever been. He cursed himself inwardly for forgetting that he had run out of hangover tonic the weekend previously.

The night before had been… eventful, to say the least. It was the first Quidditch match of the year, and Gryffindor had beaten Hufflepuff - the previous year’s champions - so resoundingly that their captain, Amos Diggory, had cried. The match had been a slow starter, as both teams battled with the unseasonal fog that had rolled in from the Black Lake during the night and clung to the pitch. James had been winded by a bludger that had escaped Sirius’ notice in the fog, and at one point the teams seemed to end up with keepers at the same end of the pitch. Fortunately, the second half saw the sun break through and burn off most of the fog, and the game picked up from there. Still, it had been another 90 minutes before the Gryffindor seeker, Marlene McKinnon, had got a handle on the snitch.

Of course, _that_ was the same Marlene that Sirius had ended up kissing at the afterparty in the Gryffindor common room, pushing her against the wall in full sight of the whole house and, more importantly, Marlene’s on-again-off-again-we’re-not-talking-about-it boyfriend, Gideon Prewett, one of the Gryffindor chasers. The same Marlene that Sirius had been friends with, oh, since they were eleven, and who had always been pretty, sure, but who had never crossed the line into _kissable_. Not until last night, at any rate.

“Have you seen Prewett this morning?” came a voice from Sirius’ right as Remus Lupin flung himself down and immediately grabbed for the pitcher of orange juice.

“Good morning to you, too, Remus,” Sirius replied snidely. Remus raised an eyebrow, and Sirius sighed. “No, as it happens, I haven’t seen him since I made out with his girlfriend last night.”

“There was a lot of tongue. Lots of limbs. It was certainly… something,” Remus finished awkwardly.

“That it most certainly was,” James looked at Sirius. “Where did that come from, anyway? You’ve never been into Marlene.”

“Do I look like I know where it came from?” Sirius replied.

“It had better not screw with the team; we were lucky yesterday with the conditions, and we can’t be dealing with drama between you two when we’re up against Ravenclaw next month.”

Sirius held up his hands.

“I am very happy to never mention it again, trust me,” he said.

“Where’s Wormtail this morning?” Remus asked, as though suddenly remembering.

“Haven’t the foggiest,” Sirius replied briskly. Of the four Marauders, Peter and Sirius had the sort of personalities that grated on each other. Sure, Sirius loved him like a brother because he loved them all like brothers - more so than his own biological one, actually. But, Peter was like the annoying baby sibling of the group for Sirius; it’s unlikely they’d have been friends without the other two gluing them together.

“Incoming,” James said, nodding towards the door of the Great Hall and instinctively patting his hair in an attempt to neaten it. The other two turned to see four girls enter the hall, laughing together, and making a beeline straight for their usual place at the Gryffindor table. That place being next to the Marauders, because that was where Lily Evans, Marlene McKinnon, Dorcas Meadows and Mary Macdonald had sat since the middle of sixth year when, by some miracle, Lily could stand being within a six foot radius of James Potter. Now the two were Head Boy and Girl, they couldn’t avoid each other anymore, and the friendship between the two groups had solidified.

“How do they look so fresh?” Sirius growled. “My mouth tastes like something died in it. I think I might be about to die, actually.”

Remus gave him a look out the corner of his eye, but said nothing as the girls approached the table.

“Good morning, you horrors,” Mary said brightly, sliding onto the bench next to Remus.

“Morning,” James replied, through a mouthful of egg.

“How fresh are we feeling this morning?”

“Not as fresh as you look, Mary,” Sirius offered with a wink and a smile.

“Flirt,” Mary grinned with a roll of her eyes. “Don’t think that’ll work on me like it did on Marlene last night.”

Remus snorted into his glass of orange juice, and Marlene fixed him with a death stare.

“Black and I were very drunk,” she said cooly, avoiding Sirius’ gaze entirely. “It’s never going to happen again.”

“Must you wound me so when I’m so fragile, McKinnon?” Sirius feigned, clutching a hand to his chest. The group laughed, and Marlene finally met his dark eyes with her blue ones. She gave him a smile, more relaxed now, and tutted.

“You’ll live, I’m sure,” she said drolly.

As she turned away to look at Lily, tossing her blonde hair over her shoulder, Sirius felt a flutter of something somewhere in his stomach. _What the fuck_ , he thought, _that’s never happened before._

* * *

 

After they had finished breakfast, the group made their way slowly back to Gryffindor tower. It was a glorious September day, and they planned to collect their books in order to study by the lake to make the most of it. Sirius noticed Marlene at the back of the group, a slight frown creasing between her brows. He hung back to speak with her, ignoring James’ raised eyebrows and slight smirk.

“Hey, McKinnon,” he said, nudging her shoulder with his, drawing her from whatever had been consuming her thoughts.

“Please tell me you’re not coming onto me again, Black,” she replied with a grin.

“What, in case you kiss me again?” he said with a wink. She rolled her eyes, but couldn’t hide the ghost of a smile on her lips.

“I think you kissed me, actually,” she replied.

“Yeah, about that…” Sirius ran a hand through his hair sheepishly. “I hope I haven’t fucked things up with Prewett for you.”

Marlene waved a hand. “No, we talked this morning. We were done anyway. On-again-off-again can only last so long, right? Guess we just needed a catalyst to finish it properly, I suppose,” she shrugged.

“So, what you’re saying,” Sirius said slowly, “is that my kissing you was, in fact, doing you a major favour?”

Marlene laughed, and swatted him with the back of her hand. “What I’m saying is that we’re cool, Black.”

“Good to know,” Sirius replied, as they approached the Fat Lady and entered the common room.

“But,” Marlene said, pausing at the foot of the stairs to the girls’ dormitories, “if you ever pull a stunt like that again, I’ll remove your balls from your body quicker that you can reach for your wand.” She grinned lazily, her eyes fiery. “And that’s not a euphemism.”

“Have I ever told me how much you turn me on when you talk dirty, McKinnon?”

"Just keeping you on your toes," she called over her shoulder, ascending the stairs. Sirius watched her go, feeling again the frisson of excitement in his stomach. He couldn’t quite wrap his head around it - it was Marlene McKinnon, for goodness sake. They’d been friends for a long time, never anything else. What’s more, she was Sirius’ match when it came to casual relationships and commitment-phobia; if there was one thing that could be relied upon, it was that. 

Shaking his head at himself, Sirius began to climb the stairs to the dormitory, and resolved to blame it on the hangover.


	2. No One Dates Someone For Their Skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Marauders and the girls go to Hogsmeade together, and Sirius starts to realise that his feelings towards Marlene are more complicated than he might have thought. They hang out and talk relationships - it's cute, trust me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's an aggressive amount of dialogue in this, so apologies if people aren't into that. Peter speaks twice, which is nice, I suppose. Bit of a reference to HP6 when Harry and Ron talk about Ginny's skin. 
> 
> Let me know what you think!

Hogwarts was glorious at that time of year, as the days slipped from September to October, and the first vestiges of autumn colours could be seen dappled on the trees. It was still warm enough that the grounds were crowded with students, who revelled in the sunny afternoons after the morning frost had been burned away. The Marauders soaked up these days - seventh year brought with it the threat of NEWTS and that wide, open future before them that stood so uncertain. They were keenly aware that they only had so long left at Hogwarts together, and resolved to savour every second.

The first weekend in October arrived, and with it the prospect of a day in Hogsmeade. Sirius was awoken that morning from a deep sleep by a thump across the face with a pillow.

“Oi, Padfoot, get up,” James’ voice came from above him, and Sirius cracked open his eyes. Light streamed in through the windows, and he was forced to squint to see Remus and Peter dressing across the room, laughing at something he hadn’t caught.

“What was that for?” he snarled. “Fuck off.”

“Hogsmeade, bud,” James said, grinning. “Don’t want to be late for breakfast and miss the opportunity to walk down with some pretty company, do we?”

“Fine,” Sirius growled, swinging himself up and out of bed. “But you can still fuck off.”

He washed and dressed quickly, mentally acknowledging the fact that James was right about being late for breakfast. After throwing on his trademark leather jacket, he checked his appearance in the mirror. Given it was a Saturday, he’d neglected to shave, and ran a hand across his stubble, and then through his hair. It was still short, not yet in the trademark long locks he’d come to sport later in life; unlike James’, however, running his fingers through the curls did manage to tame it somewhat. _Good enough_ , he thought.

As they walked to the doorway, Sirius clocked what Remus was wearing, and laughed.

“One day, Moony,” he said, throwing an arm around his friend’s shoulders, “we’ll get you to ditch the sweater vests.”

* * *

 

 _Breakfast,_ Sirius thought, _really did work wonders_. He took another bite of his bacon sandwich, and nodded as Remus offered to pour him coffee. They were early to breakfast, and the Great Hall was fairly empty still, with just a light hum of chatter as students felt the last hold of tiredness washed away by coffee and tea. Saturdays like this were some of his favourites, where they forgot for a few moments the expectations of Quidditch, classwork and the future. He’d been looking forward to the Hogsmeade visit for a while, ready to blow off some steam with his friends.

“I need to go to Zonko’s,” James said, bringing Sirius from his thoughts to the conversation.

“Yeah, me too,” Peter replied, pouring himself another glass of juice. “I’m all out of stink bombs.”

“Forgot you used the last in Slughorn’s class,” James chuckled, and Peter grinned back at him. “How about you, Pads?”

“Zonko’s, yeah,” Sirius replied, “and I want to go to Honeydukes.”

“Obviously,” Remus rolled his eyes. “Your sweet tooth is going to rot all your teeth, Padfoot.”

“Either that or you’re going to end up the size of Hogwarts,” Peter added.

Sirius patted his abs under his t-shirt, toned from the endless Quidditch, nights running around as an animagi, and that blessed good luck of a seventeen-year-old metabolism.

“Jealousy isn’t a great look, gentlemen, but I know you can’t all be blessed with a body like mine,” he quipped, and James snorted.

“Yeah, yeah, that’s exactly what the problem is,” he said.

“I’ve seen you naked, Prongs, don’t even pretend,” Sirius retorted.

“Desperate to hear that story,” came a voice from behind him, and he swivelled to find himself face-to-face with Marlene, flanked by the other girls, and with an amused look on her face.

“A gentleman never tells, Miss McKinnon,” Sirius replied, holding her gaze for just a little too long. As she took a seat at the table, Sirius could have sworn he’d seen a blush rise briefly to her cheeks. _McKinnon, embarrassed? Never._

“If it’s all the same,” Lily said, reaching for a piece of toast, “I’d rather not hear the story.”

“Ditto,” Mary added.

“Shall we move on?” Remus said smoothly, noting the fierce blush that had appeared on James’ face. “We were just saying we wanted to go to Zonko’s and Honeydukes - anywhere you ladies need to be in Hogsmeade today?”

“I need new quills and parchment, desperately,” Marlene said. “Aside from that, I’m easy.”

“Bet you are,” Sirius replied instinctively.

“Yes, thank you, Sirius,” Remus continued, sounding like someone’s dad. In combination with the sweater vest he was sporting, it was hard for Sirius not to laugh.

“You’re such a dick, Black,” Marlene replied, rolling her eyes. “Dorcas, did you say you wanted to get a new Transfiguration textbook?”

“Mine is irreparable after the fire incident,” Dorcas said morosely. “I knew I should have thought better of being Aoife Finnegan’s Transfiguration partner.”

“That girl is a menace,” James said. “Love her to pieces, obviously, but I don’t understand how she’s got to seventh year and is still setting everything on fire.”

“A mystery for the ages,” Sirius added. “If we’ve only got a few things to get, I suggest we convene in the Three Broomsticks for lunch. Rosmerta owes me a round of drinks, remember.”

“I cannot understand how you have Rosmerta wrapped around your finger, she was a seventh year when we joined Hogwarts!” Remus exclaimed.

“What can I say, charm and good looks get you far,” Sirius smirked. “I actually ran into her in Diagon Alley in the summer after…” he paused for a moment, suddenly feeling self conscious about revealing to anyone outside the Marauders that he’d run into his parents in Diagon Alley over the summer, gone and got ragingly drunk in the Leaky Cauldron in order to cope with it, and ultimately ended up vomiting in the Potters’ front garden. “After going to that gig, Moony,” he finished lamely.

Remus and James shared a brief look of understanding.

“Yeah, I remember you saying,” Remus nodded. “Surely you owe her a drink, then?”

“Nah, she said there’s always a free round for her favourites,” Sirius winked.

“Please tell me you have not hooked up with Rosmerta,” Lily groaned.

“Evans! Can’t a guy get on with a girl without any ulterior motives?!”

“First off,” Lily replied, counting on her fingers, “don’t think we don’t all remember the truth-or-dare over the summer where you said you’ve fancied Rosmerta since you were like, twelve. And second, I think the four of us are the only girls you been friends with who you haven’t managed to hook up with. Well…” she grinned, “until you kissed Marlene.”

“Okay, okay,” Marlene said, rolling her eyes as her friends laughed, “I thought we had tacitly agreed never to talk about that.”

“Given you threatened to cut my balls off, McKinnon,” Sirius said, suddenly serious, “I’d like it noted for the record that I did not bring it up.”

“Consider it noted, Black,” she replied, and returned to her eggs.

* * *

 

The walk to Hogsmeade passed quickly, as the eight of them chatted and joked together. Sirius watched, an amused smile on his face, as James and Lily talked, laughing at each other’s jokes. Only a year ago they’d barely been able to be in the same room. Lily’s years of rejections had, for a while at least, made James bitter about the whole situation, and he’d reacted with his typical hot-headedness to the point where they’d fought like alley cats.

“I take it he’s not over her, then?” came a voice to his left, and Sirius looked down to see Marlene in step with him. He made an incredulous face at her.

“Are you joking? Prongs has been sweet on Evans since we were eleven, McKinnon. That’s not going away any time soon.”

Marlene smiled.

“Yeah, but you never know with boys. Them being friends with each other might mean that he’s decided to shag someone else, or something.”

“Not fucking likely,” Sirius snorted. “For all his flirting, he’s as smitten with her as he always was.”

“You mean…?” Marlene looked at him with surprise.

“He’s never been with anyone else, no,” Sirius replied, lowering his voice. “Even when she hated him, making out with a girl was as far as he’d go. Last time I asked about it, he smacked me in the face, so it’s a sensitive subject.”

“That’s sort of sweet, you know.”

“Really? Didn’t take you for a romantic, McKinnon.”

“Oh come on, Black,” she said, shoving him with her elbow. “There’s a difference between thinking it’s quite nice that James isn’t fucking everything that moves like you are, and being a hopeless romantic.”

“Alright, alright,” Sirius replied, pretending to be hurt, “that was very personal. For your information, I don’t fuck everything that moves. I’m very discerning in my tastes when it comes to women.”

“Really?” Marlene raised an eyebrow.

“Kissed you, didn’t I?” he smirked.

“Watch your balls, Black,” she retorted, and hurried to catch up with the others. Watching her go, Sirius couldn’t help but smile. Catching himself, he noticed again that buzz running from his chest to his stomach. _Well, shit_. He was starting to realise he might be in deeper than he’d thought when it came to Marlene McKinnon.

* * *

 

“Eight butterbeers! And don’t you go getting too rowdy, mind you,” Madam Rosmerta said, as she set a tray down on the wooden table.

“You’re a darling, Rosmerta,” Sirius purred, slipping an arm round her waist for a squeeze.

“And you, Sirius Black, are a flirt,” Rosmerta replied, swatting his hand away and walking off to the bar. Sirius grinned after her, before turning back to his friends.

“Well, you certainly didn’t disappoint, Pads,” James said, handing round the beers to the girls.

“That’s what girls tell me, too,” Sirius replied, and took a long gulp of the butterbeer as his friends groaned at the joke.

“Speaking of girls,” Mary said, resting her own beer back on the table, “a little birdie told me that a certain Emmeline Vance was seen chatting up our boy Lupin in the library.”

Remus blushed bright red.

“What?!” James rounded on Remus, a wild smile on his face. “You sly bastard, you never said!”

“She wasn’t chatting me up!” Remus protested. “At least, I don’t think she was. She wanted some help with her Transfiguration essay, that’s all.”

“Remus, honey, Emmeline Vance has never needed Transfiguration help in her life, because she’s never dropped a single mark in that class,” Marlene said, looking at Remus over the top of her glass.

“Well…” Remus looked flustered. “I’m sure it was nothing.”

“Want me to ask her for you?” Sirius asked.

“Absolutely not,” Remus replied, a little too quickly.

“With your success rate,” Lily said, “that’d be a surefire way for her to never want to talk to Remus again.”

“Damn rude,” Sirius fired back. “I am very successful with the ladies, when I want to be.” He gestured to the free butterbeer. “Case in point.”

“Oh, yeah,” Dorcas said, “like getting free beer is the same as actually wanting to date someone.”

“Of course I’d date someone,” Sirius said with a frown. “Just needs to be my perfect woman, that’s all.”

“Who’s your perfect woman, then?” Marlene asked, a little too casually for Sirius’ liking.

“That’d be telling, wouldn’t it, McKinnon? Anyway, my dating life isn’t nearly as interesting as James’.” He nudged his best friend.

“What?” James spluttered. “I’m not dating anyone.”

“C’mon, Potter, who are you having your wicked way with?” Marlene asked, catching Sirius’ eye as she did so. He winked at her in return.

“I’m concentrating on schoolwork, you know,” James said awkwardly. Mary laughed, her brow furrowing.

“Lies, Potter, you’ve never had to worry about schoolwork in your life. None of you have,” she said, gesturing to the Marauders.

“I take my studies very seriously, I’ll have you know,” Sirius said.

“Black, you got all Exceeds Expectations and Outstandings in your OWLs, and you were drunk for most of them.”

“Wrong!” Sirius replied. “I got one Acceptable, same as James.”

“Really?” Dorcas asked. “Which one?”

“History of Magic,” Sirius grinned in response. “And quite frankly, that’s a miracle.”

“Same as mine, actually. God, Binns is so boring, isn’t he?” James laughed. “Even Moony didn’t get an Outstanding in that class.”

The conversation turned to schoolwork, with the group bemoaning the amount they had to do now they were seventh years. As Sirius finished his butterbeer, he looked across the table to study Marlene, puzzled by their interactions. He couldn’t work her out - she simultaneously seemed to egg him on with his flirting, matching him in badinage, whilst also telling him she’d quite literally cut his balls off for thinking of going anywhere near her again. He also couldn’t work out why looking at her now was having that same effect on him - not just lust, something more than that. She was beautiful, of course. Golden blonde hair, which she often wore held back from her face with a hairband or scarf, and those clear blue eyes that could fix him with a stare so fierce he’d be fearful for his life. Creamy complexion, like an English rose, and-

He shook himself from his daydreaming. _No one dates someone for their skin_ , he told himself, _stop being weird_. As James set another tray of butterbeers down on the table, Sirius reached for one - of course the same one that Marlene went to take. Their hands met round the tankard, and Sirius felt like he was going to burst. Fumbling, he moved for a different beer. _Fuck. I like her_ , he thought.

* * *

 

The Marauders and the girls sat around the fire in the common room that evening, commandeering the best sofas as soon as they returned from Hogsmeade. After another few rounds of butterbeers, they were feeling giddy, and skipped dinner in favour of getting started on the mounds and mounds of sweets they’d purchased from Honeydukes, in between games of Exploding Snap. Peter, of all people, introduced them to a new version of the game he’d learnt from his cousins over the summer, and they spent the next few hours rapidly trying to outwit each other and avoid the fairly inevitable singed fingertips.

Midnight came and went, and finally they parted ways when the embers of the fire began to die down around one o’clock. Climbing the stairs behind James, Sirius felt tiredness deep within his bones - but the good kind of tired. He’d missed Hogwarts more than ever over the summer, and now they were a month back in, he’d relaxed into the routine. While there had always been a place for him at the Potters’, and they treated him like a member of the family, the last summer had reminded him that he wasn’t going to be a Hogwarts student for much longer, and that played on his mind regularly. It had been a welcome relief to be so carefree.

Ablutions complete, the boys threw themselves into their beds, grateful for the pillowy softness of the mattresses and warm covers. James waved his wand lazily at the lamps around the walls of the room, and it descended into darkness. Sirius burrowed a little further into his soft bed.

“Today was good,” Remus said sleepily.

“Yeah, it was nice,” James replied, and Sirius could hear him fumbling to put his glasses on his bedside table.

“Mary’s hilarious,” Sirius added. “I completely underestimated how funny she is.”

“Right?” James replied.

“Also, Remus, you snake,” Sirius said, yawning, “you should have told us about Vance.”

“It’s nothing,” Remus groaned. “It’s not like I can date her anyway.”

“Why not?” Peter asked.

“Er, _my furry little problem_ ,” Remus replied with uncharacteristic harshness.

“Bullshit,” James responded firmly. “If you want to date her, you should. She doesn’t have to know, for the moment, and if it went somewhere… well, if she wasn’t willing to accept you, then she’s not worth your time anyway.”

“You always do think in very absolute terms, Prongs,” Remus said, but his voice had softened a little.

“True Gryffindor, our James,” Sirius said.

“What about you, anyway?” Remus directed his attention toward Sirius. “All this chat earlier about your perfect woman. Why did that feel like you were trying to make a point that none of us were getting?”

“You know me, I like to keep everyone on their toes.” Sirius rolled over. “It’s Prongs who’s found his perfect woman, anyway.”

“I’m literally not dating anyone, Padfoot, cut it out.”

“No,” Sirius said, wrapping his blankets closer around him. “But you want to.”

“No, I don’t,” James began, but Sirius cut him off.

“Yes, _you do_. Don’t think we can’t see how you feel about Evans, Jem.”

“I told you,” James said, an air of frustrated sadness about the way he said it, “I’m over it. She’s not into me.”

“You’re a shit liar,” Remus said bluntly.

Silence fell around the room for a couple of seconds, and Sirius couldn’t work out if it was just because James had fallen asleep mid-conversation, as Peter seemed to have done. Then, just as Sirius was about to say goodnight to Remus, James spoke.

“Fine,” he said, “I still like her. But, she doesn’t like me, and I’m genuinely fine about that part. I’d rather have her as a friend than not at all.”

“I’m not so sure about that one, old pal,” Sirius said. “Something tells me Miss Evans isn’t so opposed to you after all.”

“Seriously, the way you two were flirting on the way to Hogsmeade today was something to behold,” Remus chuckled.

“You think there’s a chance?” James asked, his voice not its usual confident.

“Yeah, I do,” Sirius slurred, barely able to keep his eyes open any longer.

“Good to know.” 

* * *

 

Just as the Marauders talked together in the boys’ dormitory, Marlene, Lily, Dorcas and Mary were gathered together on the latter’s bed. Marlene sat behind Lily, braiding her hair into neat French plaits on either side of her head.

“The guys were on good form today,” Mary said, finishing the last of her chocolate frog.

“They were, weren’t they?” Lily said, as Marlene brushed her hair. “Remus is so sweet - do you think he’s really into Emmeline?”

“Looked like it - Mary, pass me a hair band - but I think he’s too shy,” Marlene explained.

“I think that’s a mark of all of them, to be honest,” Mary said, handing the hair band over to Marlene. “Remus is just worse at hiding it.”

“How do you know so much about Remus, anyway?” Marlene fixed Mary with a piercing look, and she blushed.

“Just a guess, I suppose.”

“Mary Allison Macdonald!” Lily exclaimed, jumping slightly and earning herself a swat from Marlene for jogging the braid. “You like him, don’t you?”

“I don’t know!” Mary replied defensively. “He’s nice, that’s all. But I’m not sure if I like him like a friend, or if I… _like_ him.”

“Story of my life,” Marlene muttered.

“What does that mean?” Dorcas asked with a frown.

“Nothing,” Marlene replied quickly. “There you go, Lils, I’m done.”

“That was definitely _not_ nothing,” Dorcas pressed.

“Oh my god,” Mary said slowly. “I’ve just clocked it.”

Marlene looked at her, eyes wide and panicky. There was no way she could know, she thought. She hadn’t even told _Lily_ , and she was her best friend, about Sirius, let alone Mary or Dorcas.

“Clocked what?” Lily asked, looking confused.

“Fuck, Marlene,” Mary said, still looking at her.

“Do you two want to let Lily and I in on the secret, or…?” Dorcas asked.

“It’s Sirius, right?” Mary asked, looking right at Marlene, who felt like she wanted to curl up into a ball right there on the spot and die. _Mary always had been great at reading people_ , she thought.

“What?!” Lily and Dorcas said in unison, and Marlene sighed.

“You’re jumping the gun a little bit, Mary,” she began, but was cut off.

“No, no,” Mary said, “it all makes sense! No wonder you were weird about it after you guys kissed. And then today at the Three Broomsticks, when he put his arm round Rosmerta and you looked like you were going to cut someone.”

“I did not!” Marlene protested.

“Did too,” Mary said nonchalantly, stretching back on the bed. "So c’mon, McKinnon, spit it out.”

“He’s a fucking great kisser, I’ll give him that,” Marlene said, and the girls laughed. “No… it’s not like we’re going to date or anything like that, but…”

“But what?” Lily asked softly.

“But he got under my skin a little bit, after we kissed,” Marlene explained. “Like, it’s made me feel weird about him, I guess. But, I’ll be fine - it’s a phase, trust me. I didn’t end things with Gideon Prewett of all people to end up liking Sirius Black.”

“You sure?” Lily pressed.

“Certain.”


	3. Not Everything Is About You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily and Sirius end up having a heart-to-heart over a magical piano, the Marauders join Remus for the transformation the night before a Quidditch match, and Sirius ends up having a fight with Marlene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there's nothing about magical musical instruments in canon, but the idea of them being intensely grumpy really amuses me. Bit of angst in this chapter, because what's some Blackinnon without a little drama?

October at Hogwarts was remarkably wet that year. It felt like it had been raining for centuries as Sirius and James sat in the library on a Friday morning, watching the rain out the window and very certainly not doing any work. It pounded the glass, whipped up by the fierce wind, and in the distance, the Whomping Willow could be seen flailing furiously in the tempest.

“Do you think it’s ever going to stop raining?” James asked.

“We can but hope, Jem,” Sirius replied, fiddling with the end of his quill, where the feathers were fragile and crooked. “Where’s Moony?”

“Gryffindor Tower. Trying to get some sleep before tonight.”

“Poor bastard,” Sirius sighed, “it’s going to be foul out there.”

“Yeah, it’ll be grim. Got to make sure Wormtail doesn’t get washed away into the Black Lake, little bugger.”

“Of all the creatures,” Sirius said softly, “of course he’d be a rat.”

It was the night of the month that always filled Sirius simultaneously with dread and excitement - the full moon. Poor Remus, of course, suffered dreadfully with the agony of transforming, his body contorting and twisting wretchedly as he became the werewolf. The pain, too, was in his mind - he didn’t have the mercy of retaining his personality or his thoughts when he transformed, instead being given over entirely to his animal baseness.It was like nothing he could describe, the pure unrivalled torture of descending into the werewolf’s consciousness.

Sirius, in comparison, loved transforming. He loved the feel of the ground below the pads of his paws, loved the way the wind blew through his fur, and the way his senses were all heightened. He didn’t become the dog, in the way Remus became the wolf, but there was something - a sort of focus, he supposed - that he didn’t have in human form. It had always seemed a touch ironic that he only gained that precision of mind when he became a dog.

James, too, revelled in the change, his slender frame becoming long limbs and muscled flanks. They loved to race one another, he and Sirius, charging around the Forbidden Forest with Remus on their heels and Peter on one of their backs. Where James’ transformation had a certain elegance to it, a fluidity to his stag’s movement, Sirius became a hulking thing, bounding with unbridled energy. It was his puppy nature in full bloom, James always joked.

“How are you feeling about tomorrow?” Sirius asked James, referring to the Quidditch match they were set to play against Ravenclaw.

“Rum luck that it’s happening right after the change,” James muttered, as Madam Pince walked past them, guiding a stack of books with her wand and fixing them with an icy stare. “We’re going to be exhausted, that’s for sure.”

“Still, I always think that we’re a better team. You know their seeker, oh what’s his name-“

“Alexander Finch,” James offered.

“Yeah, him, you know he’s new and if the weather stays like this, I doubt it’ll be pretty. He’s only a second year and he’s tiny.”

“Marlene shouldn’t have a problem with him, true, but their beaters are strong this year, Pads.”

“Are you doubting me, old boy?” Sirius asked with a grin.

“Never,” James replied, matching his smirk.

“Good,” Sirius said, standing and stretching, his shirt coming untucked from his trousers as he raised his arms above his head. “Now, can we please go and get some lunch? I might die if I don’t eat.”

“You’re such a drama queen, Padfoot,” James laughed.

“No, you don’t understand, I haven’t eaten anything since breakfast and _I actually might die_.”

* * *

After lunch - Sirius had third helpings of mashed potatoes, plus two puddings, just to be safe - James returned to the library to finish a Potions essay he had been procrastinating on. With Remus still resting, and Peter nowhere to be found, Sirius made his way to the fourth floor, to the strange room that contained Hogwarts’ collection of magical musical instruments. He was feeling uneasy about the upcoming foray into the forest for some reason, and wanted something to take his mind off it. _Perhaps it was the weather_ , he thought. 

He settled himself at the grand piano in the corner of the room, ignoring the moan of complaint from the piano stool - _the irritable thing only did it to spite him_ , he thought. His fingers touched the keys, and soon enough the piano had matched his melody, playing the duet of its own accord.

“I didn’t know you played piano,” he heard a few minutes later from behind him, and he swivelled in his seat. Lily was standing in the doorway, smiling.

“Evans! Yes, it’s one of the few good things I learnt in the Ancient and Noble House of Black.”

“Your parents like music? That seems…”

“Unexpected?” he finished for her.

“Yeah.”

“Doesn’t it just? I think it’s one of the few things they both actually like, as much as they are capable of liking things, so it distracts them from their otherwise rotting and fetid marriage.”

Lily laughed, and pulled up a stool to sit next to Sirius. As she sat down, it screeched, and she jumped up with a look of terror on her face. Sirius burst out laughing.

“You’ve never been in here, have you? Ignore it, Evans, all the instruments and stools in here are fiercely foul mannered.”

“Bloody hell,” Lily muttered, and tentatively sat back down. Fortunately, this time, the stool only tutted quietly.

“There you go,” Sirius smiled, “it’s accepted you. This old boy,” he pointed to the piano stool he sat on, “has taken years to accept me, and I still get a grumble every time I sit down. The double bass is the worst - it just screams _fuck_ at you when you pick it up - but the piano is utterly charming.”

“Magic is truly remarkable sometimes,” Lily giggled, looking round the room. “You’re right, by the way, I’ve never been in here. Only found out it existed this year - no musical talent in me, so I suppose I never missed it.”

“You can sing… sort of,” Sirius offered.

“Generous, Sirius,” Lily said ruefully. “Go on, play something for me.”

“What would madam like?”

“Something cheerful - this weather is putting me in a funk.”

Sirius lifted his fingers to the keys, and thought for a minute before beginning to play. It was a warm, rich tune, and he smiled at Lily’s amazement when the piano added mellifluous bass notes to round out the song. He loved this piano, more than any other he’d played, loved the worn ivory keys and the chips in the black veneer. As he came to a close, Lily applauded.

“Gosh, Sirius, that was lovely! Do magical pianos always do that? The duet thing, I mean,” she asked.

“Some of them do,” he explained. “This old girl is a real charmer, she’ll play with you any time. The one I learnt to play on at home less so - it would slam the lid shut on your fingers if you screwed up your scales.” He stopped, realising what he’d said. “At my parents’ house, I mean, not home.”

Lily put a hand on his arm.

“Have you seen them, since you left?” she asked gently.

“Once,” Sirius admitted. “It was over the summer, in Diagon Alley. I’d been to see my cousin - you know, Andromeda, the one who married the Muggleborn - and I ran into them as I was walking back to the Leaky Cauldron.”

“How was it?”

“Fucking awful, really,” Sirius replied, wrinkling his nose at the memory. “My dad walked right past me like I didn’t exist, but my mother obviously couldn’t pass up the opportunity to call me a blood traitor and tell me how perfect little Regulus was everything I’m not.”

“Oh Sirius,” Lily said softly, “I’m-”

“Don’t,” Sirius said, holding up a hand with a rueful smile. “I know you’re going to say you’re sorry, and I appreciate it, Lily, but I’m not sorry for leaving. Even when it’s rough, I’m not sorry for it. Anyhow, I bumped into Rosmerta in the Leaky Cauldron and ended up spilling my sorry tale to her over far too many Firewhiskeys.”

“Oh, so that’s how you got the free drinks!” Lily exclaimed.

“Indeed - Rosmerta said that I deserved a little cheering up, and said to come by the Three Broomsticks any time I was feeling down about it. But,” he said with mock seriousness, “you can’t tell anyone that and ruin my reputation, Evans. Swear?”

“Cross my heart. Speaking of Rosmerta,” Lily said, a slow grin across her face, “what was the deal with you in the pub the other day? Chatting about your perfect woman?”

Sirius rolled his eyes.

“I like winding you all up,” he said. “That’s all.”

“So it definitely wasn’t about making a dig at a certain blonde beauty we both know and love? That you swapped saliva with in the common room and have been being way weird with ever since?”

Sirius swallowed, feeling Lily’s eyes on him as he awkwardly looked away.

“Knew it,” Lily said quietly. “Sirius Black, you’ve caught feelings.”

“Lies,” Sirius said, all too quickly. He could feel his heart pumping in his chest.

“Absolutely true, look at your face, it’s a picture!” Lily said with a giggle. “Good God, Sirius Black with feelings, I never thought I’d see the day.”

“Ev- Lily,” he said, imploringly, “don’t mention it to the others, please. I’m… I’m barely coming to terms with it, let alone having to explain to the people who think I’m a total cad that I do, in fact, have the propensity to feel.”

“I won’t tell a soul,” Lily said firmly, “but you shouldn’t underestimate how well the boys know you. Want to know what James said to me on patrol the other night about you?”

“You guys talk about me? Traitors!”

“Do you want to know or not, Sirius?”

“Yeah, go on then.”

“Sirius needs someone who lets him know it’s ok to let his guard down.”

“Pardon?”

“That’s what James said about you, the other night: _Sirius needs someone who lets him know it’s ok to let his guard down_.”

“Oh,” Sirius said, scratching his chin. “Maybe I give him less credit than he deserves when it comes to being sensitive.”

“Only problem is…” Lily began.

“I’ve ended up with feelings for someone who does commitment as well as I do,” Sirius finished. “Hence, the problem.”

“Bugger.”

The pair sat in silence for a moment, before Sirius looked up at Lily.

“What?” she asked.

“I’ve spilled my feelings, it’s you turn.” He poked the knee that was closest to him. “You have feelings for James.”

“Absolutely not!” Lily laughed so awkwardly, it sounded like something was gripping her vocal cords. Sirius raised and eyebrow, and she sighed.

“Fine, yes, ok,” she admitted.

“KNEW IT,” Sirius crowed, a little too loudly.

“Shh! It’s just a passing crush, it’s nothing,” Lily blushed.

“False.”

“Sirius!”

“For you to have a crush on James Fleamont Potter, Evans, some cosmic shift in the universe must have occurred and that is a big deal.”

“Is his middle name really Fleamont?” Lily chuckled.

“Yup, his dad’s name. Also not the point, stop avoiding the issue.”

“If you tell James, I’ll tell Marlene,” Lily said darkly, and Sirius swallowed audibly.

“Alright, alright,” he said finally. “I won’t tell if you won’t.”

“Good.”

“But,” Sirius continued, “I think we should have a deal. James has liked you since he was eleven, and if you seriously think you have feelings for him, you should tell him.”

“What part of that is a deal?” Lily asked, scowling.

“If you tell James, I’ll tell Marlene,” Sirius said, parroting her own words to her.

“What?” Lily asked incredulously.

“Because I want you and my best pal to be happy, obviously, I will tell the most commitment-phobic girl I know that, actually, I quite like her and would like her to get over her phobia and commit. To me. Another commitment-phobic. What could possibly go wrong?” He grimaced.

“You’d seriously do that to get me to tell James?”  
  
“I’d do that _for James_ ,” Sirius corrected.

“Let me think on it, ok?” Lily asked.

“A week from today, we’ll talk.”

“Deal,” Lily said, before standing and leaving the room.

* * *

Even for Sirius, the night’s activities were unpleasant. The rain poured, practically bouncing back up off the floor of the Forbidden Forest. He was stopped in a small clearing, circling slowly as he caught his breath, alert to any sounds of the werewolf approaching. The shaggy black fur was drenched, stuck down under the pressure of the water, and he was panting hard. 

He was desperately tired. They’d had a rough time of it, trying to keep Remus from entering Hogsmeade, drawing him off into the depths of the Forbidden Forest. He didn’t usually want to enter the village, and typically was satisfied with chasing the others through the forest, but tonight had been different. Sirius was pretty certain that he’d pulled a muscle in the chase, where he’d taken his leap over a stream, landing a little off kilter. He’d lost James, and by extension, Peter, who was riding the stag’s back tonight, in the frenetic pursuit.

He smelled the werewolf before he saw him. Grotesque, really, the smell, like sweat and mud and the unmistakable, metallic scent of blood. Sirius stopped his circling, and paused, one of his front paws held aloft as he tracked the scent, pinpointing the direction from which the werewolf was approaching. Soon enough, Sirius was ready to speed through the trees, the werewolf giving chase.

Off Sirius went again, pounding the ground back towards the Shrieking Shack. He could tell Remus was tiring, too, as the werewolf was nowhere near as close to the dog as he would have been at the start of the night. It felt like the greatest relief to see that magnificent stag in the clearing outside the shack, small rat upon its back, waiting for their return, and to note the lighter sky above them. As Remus approached, they entered the Shack, luring him in.

* * *

 

The boys had managed a couple of hours sleep, but it was not really enough to deal with the Ravenclaw match. The weather, of course, continued as it had for weeks - rain upon rain upon rain, so much that there was standing water on the Quidditch pitch. By half time, Ravenclaw were up by 100 points, and it wasn’t looking pretty. 

“Ok, look,” James said, as the Gryffindor team huddled round him in the changing room at half time. “The weather is awful, I get that, and I know you’re all exhausted from it, but we’ve got to keep pushing ahead. They’re absolutely destroying us at the moment, and we need to stop them scoring any more so that Marlene can get the snitch.”

“You need to watch their beaters,” Marlene said to Sirius and Fabian Prewett, his fellow beater. “The big one - is his name Anderson? - he’s really good, and there’ve been some near misses.”

“Got it,” Fabian responded, nodding. Sirius barely registered her comment, he was so tired. He was right in thinking he’d pulled a muscle the night before; his right hamstring ached deeply.

“Earth to Black? Hello?” Marlene waved a hand in front of Sirius’ face, and he jerked his head back.

“Yes, yes, I heard you,” he replied irritably.

Marlene looked at him, confusion on her face. There was an awkward silence in the huddle, as the team avoided eye contact with the usually-jovial Sirius. James coughed, then continued.

“Right, so Gideon, if you…” 

Sirius cursed himself internally. He hadn’t meant to be snappy. The weather, like James had said, was really playing havoc, and that deep tiredness in his very core was different to other times after the change. He’d do it all over again, of course he would - Remus was a Marauder, and you didn’t let Marauders down - but this time it had taken a toll. He couldn’t wait for a hot shower, a hell of a lot of food, and some rest.

It didn’t help, of course, that Marlene was still looking at him, an expression on her face that he couldn’t decipher from out the corner of his eye. Ever since his conversation with Lily, Sirius had been feeling uneasy about the situation. He’d tell her if Lily told James - he wasn’t one to go back on his word, after all - but he was unsure how to deal with what felt like an inevitable rejection. It wasn’t something he was used to, being turned down by girls; his reputation as a ladies’ man wasn’t entirely unfounded. But, this was different, this was McKinnon. She had the same kind of reputation with the guys, she threatened him physically, she flirted with pretty much any attractive guy, often in front of him.

Sure, he gave as good as he got. Marlene had walked in on him and a Ravenclaw girl at one of James’ parties over the summer, after all. It had been… awkward. And then he’d kissed her, and from what he could remember, it had been incredible, and-

“So, let’s do this,” James finished, and Sirius realised he had missed the entire pep talk. Grabbing his broom, he followed his best friend out into the rain again, decidedly avoiding Marlene’s eye.

* * *

It was not a pretty victory, in the end - Marlene caught the snitch, of course, but it left them only 10 points ahead. The Gryffindor team trudged to the showers, grateful to finally wash the mud and sweat from them. By the time Sirius was out of the shower, the changing room was empty; no doubt the others had headed straight back to the castle to avail themselves of hot chocolate and something to eat. 

Sirius walked in his towel across the changing room, feeling significantly better for the shower. It had been a poor performance on his part, he felt - his brain felt addled from the night before, and the weather had made things significantly worse. _Still_ , he thought, _a win is a win_.

“What the fuck were you playing at, Black?” Marlene said angrily. She was standing at the door, hand on her hip.

“What do you mean?” Sirius asked, sitting down on the bench and rubbing his hair with a towel.

“You literally sat there while Anderson’s bludger nearly took me out, barely moving.”

“What?” Sirius frowned. “When?”

“Like ten minutes before I got the snitch?” Marlene replied, her eyes flashing dangerously. “But, it’s nice to know that you’re paying so much attention to the safety of your team members, I must say.”

It was a low blow. Sirius was usually the most diligent of beaters, and James often tasked him with shadowing Marlene in order to protect the seeker. The two of them spent hours perfecting their symbiotic technique, and the understanding on the pitch between them was envied by other players, not only within the Gryffindor team but also in other houses.

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Sirius growled, “I didn’t deliberately miss it. I’m sorry, ok? The visibility was awful and I just didn’t get to it.”

“Have I done something to piss you off, Black?”

“What are you talking about?” 

“You’re being awfully shirty with me right now, you barely registered me at half time when I was literally speaking to you, and you spent half the match looking like you couldn’t give two shits about whether massive Anderson was slamming bludgers my way,” Marlene retorted. 

“Do you know something, Marlene?” Sirius spat, and the use of her given name didn’t go unnoticed. “Not everything is about you, ok? You are not the only person on this team, and you are not the only person that matters! Is there ever a point in your life where you don’t think about yourself?” 

Silence. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Sirius could feel a sting of regret among the anger. He didn’t lash out at the girls - even when things were very desperate, like when he’d left home, he’d never really let the usual jovial exterior slip in front of anyone other than the Marauders. They forgave him, instantly, because that was the way it worked. He didn’t get angry with the girls, not like this.

The look on Marlene’s face said everything.

“Fuck you, Sirius,” she whispered. Turning on her heel, she ran out of the room. 


	4. Talk To Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and Marlene eventually make up, Lily lets slip Sirius' little secret to James, and cuteness ensues - but not before James and Sirius have duelled Snape and the Slytherins, obviously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marlene and Sirius make up because it's a silly teenage fight, and there's actually not much to it, but the course* of true love never did run smooth so we needed some angst. I know that the duel isn't entirely canonical, but I think that if Snape were surrounded by all his Baby Death Eater friends, then he'd probably end up saying something stupid about Lily to fit in, particularly because she wasn't his friend anymore. 
> 
> *autocorrect changed this to curse, which is... prescient.

It had been weeks since they’d spoken. Despite their best efforts, neither the Marauders nor the girls had been able to extract from either Sirius or Marlene exactly what had transpired, let alone get them to reconcile. Any time it was brought up, Marlene simply sighed and offered an irritated _I don’t want to talk about it,_ while Sirius threatened to punch anyone in the face who mentioned the situation. In the end, their friends left it, ignoring as best they could the awkwardness at mealtimes when Marlene sat at one end of the group, and Sirius the other, both stewing furiously.

It did make him feel isolated, but Sirius would never admit that. He knew himself well enough to know the greatest chink in his armour was his stubborn pride; there was no way in hell he was admitting to his friends why he wasn’t speaking to Marlene. That he’d fallen for her, then lashed out and called her self-absorbed over something as petty as a poor Quidditch performance. It was stupid, _so stupid_ , and he knew that. He also knew the look on James’ face if he told him about it, and the way Remus would roll his eyes and tell him the whole thing was ridiculous.

It _was_ ridiculous, Sirius knew that. He mulled angrily over it one afternoon, and made his way to the Astronomy Tower. He’d not been able to face the thought of going back to the common room in Gryffindor Tower with everyone, only to sit silently at one end of the sofa in fury. Equally, the thought of another afternoon in the library filled him with dread; he’d been escaping there regularly of late. _At least my grades are improving_ , he thought bitterly.

Where October had been a month of perpetual dampness, November had brought with it crisp frosts, bitter winds, and those deceptive autumn days where the sun shone bright, but cheeks and ears went bright red in the cold. From his position in the Astronomy Tower, Sirius could see the mountains rising over Hogsmeade, their caps snowy white in the distance. They’d get snow soon enough, as the days grew shorter. He loved this time in the term - Quidditch practices in the early mornings, his breath hanging like steam in the air in front of him, and evenings stretched out by the fire in the common room with his friends.

Of course, that wasn’t happening much at the moment. His generous spirit meant he didn’t blame his friends for finding him difficult company at the moment - he’d been foul since the fight, he could admit. But, his stubbornness also refused to allow even countenancing the idea of backing down. He felt like he always got the short straw in that regard, always had the worst assumed of him, always met with a roll of the eyes and an utterance that _of course Sirius did something._

He angrily kicked the stone wall of the tower, hands shoved into his pockets.

“You’re not going to win that fight, you know.”

He stopped, looking up. _Speak of the devil, and she shall appear,_ he thought, as he looked at Marlene leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed over her chest.

“What are you doing here?” he asked brusquely, turning his back to her and walking back to the window.

“James said you were here. I thought… I thought we should talk.”

 _The map_ , he cursed, _the damn map._

“I don’t think we’ve got much to talk about, do you?” he said coldly, throwing the remark over his shoulder.

“Sirius.”

She never used his first name. He was always Black, and she was always McKinnon; they were never _Sirius and Marlene_. It had been that way since they first became friends, when they’d ended up in detention together with McGonagall. James and Sirius had been there for setting fireworks off in the girls’ bathroom near Professor Flitwick’s office; she’d been there for getting bored in Transfiguration and turning Edgar Bones’ wand into a centipede.

She walked behind him now, and Sirius felt her put a hand against his arm.

“Talk to me, you stubborn bastard,” she said affectionately, “I know you hate this as much as I do.”

Sirius sighed. It was what he’d wanted - her to be the first to approach him about it, not the other way round. Now it had happened, of course, he realised he was just as much in the wrong.

“Ok,” he said, turning and pointing to the stone bench against the wall. They sat, Sirius leaning forward on his knees, looking at his shoes. Her knees were angled in toward him, and her hand had returned to his arm. He couldn’t concentrate, the blood rushing in his ears. _Get a grip, Black_ , he thought.

“I’m sorry,” Marlene began, but Sirius shook his head.

“No, no, don’t. It’s me that should be apologising. I shouldn’t have called you self-centred, that wasn’t fair.”

“Wasn’t fair for me to say you deliberately missed Anderson’s bludger, either.”

“You know I’d never do that, right?” he asked, finally looking up at her. “I’d never put you in danger.”

“I know,” she said simply. “Like I said, wasn’t fair.”

“I had… things going on, and I guess it took my head out the game. But, I really am sorry for what I said. It was stupid to get angry about it instead of just talking to you about it.”

“Guess that makes two of us, then.” 

They held each other’s gaze for a moment, those clear blue eyes meeting dark brown, framed my long lashes. Sirius felt like his breath wasn’t filling his lungs properly, lightheaded just from the sight of her. _I could just tell her,_ he thought, _I could just tell her right now and get it over with._

Just for a moment, it looked like there was something on her mind, too. It looked like she might be on the cusp of saying something, something important. Then, whatever _it_ was was gone, and she just smiled.

“C’mon,” she said, standing and offering a hand to pull him to his feet. He rose, and she nodded towards the door. “James got some hot chocolate from the kitchens, and we were going to deal a game of Exploding Snap. Slughorn’s out with the flu, so no Potions this afternoon.”

“Did you come here to make up so you had someone to be your partner?” Sirius joked. She laughed, and Sirius felt his heart swell at the sound. What was it James had said about Lily? _I’d rather have her as a friend than not at all._

“Absolutely,” she quipped back. “Who else is going to help me beat Lupin and Potter?”

“Lead the way, McKinnon,” he grinned. 

* * *

“Thank God they’ve gotten over themselves, hey?” Lily said, as she and James exited the Gryffindor common room some hours later to begin their evening patrol. Sirius and Marlene had returned from the Astronomy Tower as thick as thieves, much to everyone’s bemusement, and proceeded to roundly beat everyone else at snap. 

“Completely,” James replied. “I was getting to the point where I was thinking of locking them in a room to duke it out.”

“Well, that’s a euphemism I’ve not heard before…”

“Lily Evans!” James exclaimed, eyes twinkling as he grinned at her. “Never thought I’d see the day you made a sex joke.”

“Oh, please,” she rolled her eyes, “I’m not a total prude.”

“If you say so,” he replied. “Still weird that they won’t tell anyone why they were fighting, though.”

“About that…” Lily began, and then faltered.

“What?” James frowned down at her. _He really is handsome_ , she thought, looking back at him. _Handsome in a dishevelled, rich kid kind of way._

“You swear not to tell anyone this?” she asked. James nodded. “No, seriously, James, not a soul. And you’re not allowed to bring it up to Sirius.”

“I promise,” he replied, still confused.

“I think it’s because he’s fallen for her.”

“What?” James stopped in the corridor. “Who’s fallen for who?”

“Sirius. Fallen for Marlene.”

“Sirius Black has fallen for Marlene?” James said loudly, and Lily hushed him, shoving him towards an alcove where there was some semblance of privacy.

“Don’t shout it for the whole castle to hear! Look,” she said, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment, resigning herself to breaking Sirius’ confidence. What with the fight with Marlene, they hadn’t had the chance yet to discuss his music room suggestion. _It’s for his good,_ she thought. “I don’t just think he likes her. I… I know he does, because he told me.”

“Since when have you and Padfoot been having heart-to-hearts?” James frowned.

“I ran into him in the music room, unimportant,” Lily said, waving a hand. “I guessed, essentially. After they kissed and we all went to Hogsmeade, he’d been weird around her.”

“Jesus,” James said, shocked.

“He made me promise not to say anything, so you really have to keep this a secret.”

“So why are you telling me?” James asked slowly, a slight frown on his face. Marauders didn’t break each other’s confidences, ever, and he didn’t like the idea of Lily sharing Sirius’ confession without his permission, even if it was huge news.

“Because,” Lily said, “I think she likes him too. She admitted that he’d got under her skin a bit, after the kiss, but I think it’s more than that.”

James raised his eyebrows and let out a low whistle.

“Well, bloody hell, Evans,” he said, leaning back against the windowsill and shoving his hands into his pockets. “That’s some news.”

“What’s more,” Lily continued, her eyes glistening with excitement, “I think I’ve got a plan for how we can make them stop being such total idiots and get together.”

“Go on.”

“We need to patrol,” she said, gesturing toward the stairs. “Come on, I’ll tell you en route.”

* * *

 

Things were finally back to normal, almost as though the fight between Sirius and Marlene had never happened. Frankly, both the Marauders and the girls were thrilled, regardless of the fact that neither of them were any more willing to explain the fight than they had previously. Still, they were speaking again, and that was good enough, because it meant mealtimes and class and trips to Hogsmeade were no longer intensely uncomfortable games of diplomacy. Sirius, of course, was no closer to telling Marlene how he felt, and had steadfastly been avoiding any opportunity to spend time with Lily alone, in case she brought up his suggestion from weeks earlier in the music room.

On a Tuesday evening, a couple of weeks after the friendship had been patched, Sirius and James were walking in through the main doors to the castle. They’d got distracted at Quidditch practice, after the rest of the team had already left, perfecting a set move for their next match against Slytherin after the Christmas holidays. Having missed supper, they had made their way back to the castle after showering, snow falling in gentle flakes in the night air, and were now headed towards the kitchens to see if the house elves would whip up something.

As they descended the first flight of stairs toward the kitchens, the boys rounded a corner to be confronted with a group of Slytherins, huddled round each other and whispering. Sirius could see Snape at the centre, gesticulating.

“Uh-oh,” James said quietly, as they approached the group.

“Potter and Black,” Snape said, lip curling at he noticed them.

“The blood traitors,” Avery added.

“God, what a line, eh James?” Sirius said, feigning a yawn.

“An absolute burn,” James replied lazily, pretending to check the cuffs of his robes for fraying.

“Bet you’re disappointed, Potter, that you’ve got Black out with you tonight,” Rodolphus Lestrange called mockingly, “when you could be with the muggleborn. Isn’t that the sort of thing you blood traitors are into?”

“Ah yes, a shame you’re not accompanied by our Mudblood Head Girl,” Snape said softly, almost awkwardly. Bile rose in Sirius’ chest at the sound of Snape referring to Lily that way.

“What did you just call her?” James snapped. “Say that again, go on.”

“I called her a mudblood,”

“Thought I’d told you before to watch that filthy mouth of yours, Snape,” James spat, and reached for his wand. “Guess I’ll tell you again.”

“Is that a threat, Potter?” Snape barked, drawing his own wand.

“A reminder, _Severus_.”

The two boys began to circle slowly, eyes and wands fixed on each other. Sirius had reached for his wand, too, watching the situation unfold, his eyes darting from James to Snape and back again. He noticed some of the Slytherins at the back of the group slink off, not wanting to be caught in the crossfire. There was no doubt that James Potter and Severus Snape were equally matched in duelling, probably the best in the school.

“I suppose Black is your second?” Snape snarled.

“I am,” Sirius said, appearing at James’ side. “You?”

“Dolohov,” Snape replied, eyes still fixed on James’. Sirius smirked - the Slytherin Snape had chosen was good, sure, but nowhere near as good as him.

“Three,” Sirius began to count down, “two-“

Ahead of the final mark, Snape shot out a curse. James blocked it adeptly, the white light dissipating into the air as his shield spell shot out of his wand, before returning one of his own.

“Oi,” Sirius spat, as Snape smirked, “fight fair, you total prick.”

“Careful, Black,” Snape sneered, continuing to block James’ spells and return them with vigour, “this isn’t your fight until I’m done with Potter. If you’re not careful, you’ll have to deal with Dolohov here.”

Sirius opened his mouth to speak, but no words had a chance to come out before Dolohov’s spell hit him in the stomach, pushing him back to the floor. He was winded for a minute, dazed from where his head had landed hard. He reached for his wand, aiming it at a laughing Dolohov, before-

“Enough!”

A thunderous voice echoed down the corridor, and drew Sirius from his momentary haze of pain. With his robes swirling around him, Albus Dumbledore strode towards the group of students, and Sirius had never seen him look angry like that, eyes hard and glinting. Rage seemed to emanate from every pore, filling the whole corridor, making everyone of them seem tiny and insignificant.

“Fifty points from Slytherin,” Dumbledore snapped, and Snape seemed to shrivel under the wizard’s gaze. “And fifty points from Gryffindor.”

“Professor Dumbledore, he-“ Sirius began, scrambling to his feet, but was silenced by a look from the headmaster.

“If you are not in need of Madam Pomfrey’s aid, return to Gryffindor Tower, Mr Black. Members of Slytherin house will also return to their dormitories. Mr Potter, you will come with me.”

Sirius and James exchanged a look, before doing as the headmaster said, and the corridor emptied as the Slytherins returned to their dungeon. Slowly, his head aching, Sirius made his way back to Gryffindor Tower.

* * *

 

“What happened to you?”

Sirius stumbled through the portrait hole to a relatively empty common room. Marlene and Lily sat by the fire, mugs in hand, looking at him like he’d just been pulled from the grips of the Giant Squid.

“Seriously, Black, what happened?” Marlene asked, concern on her face. “You look awful.”

“James… James and I ran into a group of Slytherins. We missed supper, wanted to get something from the kitchens. Snape said some stuff, called Lily…” he trailed off, and understanding showed on both the girls’ faces. “Well, he said some shit he shouldn’t have, and James duelled him.”

“Oh my God,” Marlene put a hand to her mouth. “And James? Is he alright?”

“Where is he now?” Lily asked, panic in her voice.

“Dumbledore’s office,” Sirius replied.

Lily jumped up, and ran for the portrait hole. Sirius watched her go, before walking across the room. He slumped down beside Marlene, his head bouncing onto the back of the sofa, and winced at the pressure on the back of his head where he’d hit it against the ground, lifting a hand to it as stars of pain appeared in his eyes.

“Here,” Marlene said softly, “let me see.”

Sirius leant his head forward, and felt her nimble fingers smooth over the tenderness.

“You’ve got a wretched lump here, but no blood. What did they hit you with?” she asked.

“Dolohov hit me with something, I don’t know what, and I fell on the flags.”

“You’re lucky he didn’t knock you out.”

“Yeah,” Sirius replied quietly, staring into the fire. The two of them sat in silence for a few minutes, before Marlene spoke again.

“Penny for your thoughts, Sirius?”

 _There she goes again with the proper name_ , he thought.

“I just…” he sighed. “I guess we spend so much time talking about fighting once we’ve left school, that I forget we’re probably going to be fighting people who are here at Hogwarts with us. You know the Slytherin group - Snape, Avery, Dolohov, Lestrange,” he said, running through the list. “My cousin, for God’s sake. My brother.” 

Marlene leant against the arm of the sofa, and put a cushion on her lap. She patted it, and indicated for him to rest his head there. It was an intimate gesture, but as he did it, it felt… _right_.He lay on his side, gazing into the fire once more, and as she rested one hand on her knee in front of him, he took it in his own.

“You know you’re not responsible for your family,” she said gently. “Your parents, your cousins, your brother-“

“I know,” Sirius said quietly, “but I sometimes think maybe I should have been better to him, when we were kids. Maybe he wouldn’t have turned out the way he is now.”

“And if you’d done that, maybe you wouldn’t be the way you are now,” she pointed out. “Trust me, when I say that our side is lucky to have you.”

“You think so?” he asked.

“I know so,” she replied, squeezing his hand for good measure.

* * *

 

“This reflects incredibly poorly, James,” Dumbledore said. He was settled behind his desk, staring sternly over his half-moon spectacles at the boy standing in front of him. “There are consequences to the choices you made tonight, especially as Head Boy.”

“I know you’re probably going to take away my badge, or expel me or something, but-“

“James, you cannot whip your wand out at every opportunity!”

“Sir,” James breathed, “he called her a mudblood.”

“Who did?” Dumbledore asked, stilling in his chair.

“Snape. He called Lily a mudblood.”

There was a moment of silence.

“I’m not going to strip you of your badge, James, nor am I going to expel you,” Dumbledore sighed. “However, as much as I admire your gallantry in coming to Miss Evans’ defence, you cannot duel with fellow students in the corridor. The point deduction remains in place.”

Before James could answer, the door burst open and in flew one Lily Evans, red in the face and panting.

“Sir!” She exclaimed, breathlessly. “Sir, please don’t demote James or kick him out, the Slyth-“

“Miss Evans,” Dumbledore interrupted, the corners of his mouth twitching ever so slightly, “there is no need to be concerned. Mr Potter will be remaining in his position as Head Boy, and at Hogwarts.”

“Oh, thank goodness,” Lily sighed heavily.

“I am naturally impressed by the speed at which news travels round the castle, of course,” he continued, and James grinned.

“Some things can always be relied upon, Professor.”

“Return to Gryffindor Tower,” Dumbledore said, picking up a quill and not even trying to hide his amusement. “And please, don’t get in anymore trouble on your way back there.”

James and Lily shared a brief look, but didn’t need telling twice. James knew full well the consequences of duelling with a group of Slytherins in the corridor could have been a hell of a lot more serious than being docked some points.

“How did you know I was there?” James asked, once they had left Dumbledore’s office, descended the stairs, and been released to the corridor by the gargoyle.

“Sirius came back to the common room and told Marlene and I. What were you _thinking_?”

“Snape and the other Slytherins were saying filthy things about you again, I had to do something.”

“You didn’t have to do that, James!” Lily chided gently.

“He called you a mudblood,” James responded bluntly. “Of course I did.”

“No, you didn’t!“

Suddenly, overcome with feeling, James pushed her up against the tapestried wall and kissed her like his life depended on it. It was the moment he’d thought about since they first joined Hogwarts, the same thought that had kept him awake at night, burning with lust. The same thought that had stopped him from ever really thinking of another girl, that had stopped his heart from breaking over and over again when she rejected him.

The reality of kissing Lily Evans didn’t disappoint. Her lips were soft under his, supple as he kissed her hard and passionately. His heart rate was surging as he did so. He ran his hands up and down hersides, squeezing her small waist. Incredibly, instead of shoving him away and hexing him immediately, she wrapped her arms around his neck, running her small hands through his messy hair and pulling him closer. Her tongue vied with his, and she bit down on his bottom lip, sending a spark of pain and pleasure through him.

They broke apart, and James rested his forehead against hers, bodies pressed together and drinking in her bottle green eyes. They stayed silent for a moment, breathing hard. Then-

“Yes,” he whispered, “I did.”


	5. God, I Love That Elf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily and James have a sneaky canoodle in a room cupboard, Sirius reflects on his family while at the Potters' for Christmas and gets an adorable gift from the Marauders, and James is a babe to his house elf.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is part 1 of this little vignette, as it was too cumbersome to write the whole thing into one chapter. So, a touch shorter, but there is a part 2 to this! 
> 
> Lily and James are damn cute, and I thought it'd be nice to have a bit of them in the middle of the great journey towards Blackinnon. The chat about Sirius' old flames being older is because otherwise it'll get too confusing to have so many exes at one party (honestly, isn't that everyone's worst nightmare?). 
> 
> Because James is an only child to older parents, I always thought that he'd really love their house elf, in lieu of a sibling. Hempy is obviously entirely my creation, but I kind of love her? 
> 
> Little Blackinnon in this chapter, because the next one gets Hot And Heavy. 
> 
> Oh, I also don't have any idea how old Ludo Bagman is, so I'm just guessing that he's a little older than James and Sirius.

“I know I’ve said it already, but you should have told me, you know,” James said, nipping at Lily’s neck. It was a week before the Christmas holidays, and they were hidden away in a locked broom cupboard on the third floor, as they’d been wont to do regularly since the kiss outside of Dumbledore’s office in November. Lily was perched awkwardly on a cabinet, with James standing between her legs; her shirt was rucked up at the back, untucked from James running his hands across the soft skin, and her lips were red and swollen from where they’d been kissing furiously.

“Told you what?”

“That you didn’t think I was a total cad after all.”

“Well, I was keeping you on your toes, wasn’t I?”

James huffed into her neck, and Lily laughed at the sensation.

“No more games then, Evans,” he said, straightening up. Lily looped her arms round the back of his neck, looking at him expectantly. “Are you all in, or not?”

“Is that you asking me to be your girlfriend, because that might very well be the _worst_ proposition I’ve ever heard,” she teased. “Then again, I might deserve the worst.”

“What do you mean?”

“Because I spent five years being a cow to you?”

“Well,” James shrugged, “there were times when I needed it, I suppose. You’re not allowed to tell the others that, though,” he grinned.

“Never thought I’d see the day you admitted that!”

“Alright, alright! But yes,” James said, suddenly serious again. “That is me asking you to be my girlfriend.”

Lily was silent for a moment, a sad look on her face.

“Is that you saying no, or…?” James tried to hide the disappointment on his face.

“No, no!” she said quickly. “It’s not me saying no.”

“Then what’s up, buttercup?” James asked, running his forefinger under her chin.  
  
“Well…” Lily paused. “You and I both know what’s out there after we leave Hogwarts. I know there’s no way you’re not going to fight, and they already think you’re a… a _blood traitor._ ” The words felt awful in her mouth as she said them.

“Well, yeah,” James snorted. “You know my family has never been included in that stupid Sacred 28 book like Sirius’ has. We’re pureblood and we’re still blood traitors,” he said mockingly.

“Don’t you think having a Muggleborn girlfriend is going to make you even more of a target?” Lily spoke so quietly, James had barely heard her.

“I literally don’t care,” he said bluntly.

“James-“  
  
“No, _I literally don’t care_. I’ve never lived my life to please those awful, wretched people, and I’m not going to start now.”

“If it would be better to wait, I don’t mind waiting, I-“

James laughed.

“I waited six years for you,” he said, in that carefree, confident way that was purely _James_. “If you think I’m going to let even Voldemort get in the way now, you’re not as smart as you think, Lily Evans.”

“You sure? It’s a difficult decision.” Lily gnawed on her lip, waiting for his answer.

“Easiest decision in the world, actually,” he replied, kissing her forehead gently.

There had never been anything easier for Lily either, as it turned out. The night they’d first kissed, they’d stood there in the dark corridor for a long while, arms wrapped round each other. She’d studied his face - clear, grey eyes that sparkled with mischief; aquiline nose and high cheekbones; dark hair that had never, in all the years she’d known him, behaved itself. She’d run her fingers along his strong jaw, stubble showing, and down to his Adam’s apple, and James had slipped his eyes closed at the sensation. It was remarkable, really, how _right_ it felt, how easy it was to stand there in the arms of _James Potter_ , of all people, and to walk back to Gryffindor Tower with her hand clasped in his. Yet, here she was - nearly a month later, still with her arms wrapped around James Potter and giddy at the thought of him wanting her. 

“You know what we do need to do, though,” James said, pulling Lily back to the present.

“What?”

“ _Finally_ get Padfoot and Marlene to stop messing about.”

“Yes!” Lily said excitedly. “You still think our plan is going to work?”

“Sure,” James said confidently. “New Year, a bit of booze and a good game of truth-or-dare. When one of them picks dare, we’ll say they have to kiss the person they like.”

“What if one of them chooses someone else?”

“Well, I know for a fact Sirius won’t. He’s not picking Mary, obviously, because of Reg. He won’t pick Emmeline Vance, because of Remus,” James listed. “Not going to pick you because- well, because I’d kill him,” he added with a twinkle in his eye.

“Dorcas?” Lily asked.

“Nah, don’t think so, it’d just start rumours and he’s not going to do that. No offence to Dorcas, obviously. Amelia Bones is supposed to be coming, but they’ve hooked up before and-“

“He’ll not want to fan any fires there, will he?” Lily added.

“Exactly,” James nodded. “I mean, yeah, there are other girls going to be around, but he doesn’t really know most of them. All his old flames were older, anyway.”

“Didn’t he kiss Aoife once?”

“Oh yeah,” James laughed, “forgot about that. Talk about a literal old flame! She was holding her wand and set his shoelaces on fire, remember?”

“God, that girl is a total liability,” Lily grinned.

“Sirius is pretty sorted out,” James said, “so your mission, Miss Evans, is to work on our dear friend Marlene. Sow some seeds, you know the drill.”

“Yes, sir.” Lily mock saluted, and James raised his eyebrows, pulling her a little closer.

“You can call me that more often, if you like,” he said, sucking on her neck again.

“Behave,” she said, using every iota of willpower to push him away, “and stop giving me lovebites, I can barely cover up the ones I’ve got already.” She hopped down off the cabinet, and straightened herself out, running a hand through her long red hair.

“You look great,” James said.

“Not so bad yourself, Potter,” she replied, and pecked him on the lips. “Got to run, I said I’d help Mary with her Potions essay.”

With that, she winked at him, unlocked the door, and left the broom cupboard.

* * *

Sirius burrowed a little further under the soft, eiderdown duvet that was wrapped round him, and enjoyed that warm sensation of awakening slowly. Stretching out, he allowed himself a couple of minutes to lie there, still in the fog of sleep, before opening his eyes. He looked at the calendar on the wall, and realised the day - December 25th. _Christmas._

Arriving home to the Potters’ crumbling pile had been bliss. Fleamont, James’ father, who insisted on Sirius calling him Uncle Monty, had been enchanting candles to sit among the dense ivy that covered the house, so that it twinkled and shone among the snow when they apparated into the driveway. The first night they’d been back, they’d gorged on roast beef, with hedgerow crumble for dessert, accompanied with plenty of elf-made wine. In the afterglow of the meal, they’d gathered around a huge tree in the hall, and decorated it. Sirius had always had a talent for Charms, and managed to enchant a set of Nutcracker ornaments, so that the soldiers marched in place on the branches, and the ballerinas pirouetted gracefully.

After nightcaps, Sirius had climbed the stairs to the room across the attic landing from James’ where he’d stayed in ever since he left his family’s house - _his room_ , as James had reminded him a little anxiously. Euphemia, James’ mother, had decorated a little for Christmas, enchanting paper snowflakes to hover in the window, and winding greenery around the mantlepiece with little lights. She’d hung some photos of him and James on the wall, and there’d been a new blanket spread over the bed with the crest of the Wimbourne Wasps on it - his favourite Quidditch team. Seeing it had made his chest swell with emotion when he and James had returned from Hogwarts; he’d never mentioned it to Euphemia, and realised that his best friend had to have written home in advance to advise his mother.

All his life he’d wanted a family like James’. Growing up at 12, Grimauld Place had been wretched, to put it mildly. His parents loathed each other; a raging argument between Orion and Walburga was par for the course when in the Black household. If anything, they were the prime example as to why Wizarding families shouldn’t marry into each other - sharing a great-grandfather meant they were _definitely_ too closely related, in Sirius’ opinion.He’d had often thought it was an absolute miracle he and Regulus had been born as normal as they were. _Well,_ he thought, _relatively normal._

Even so, days like Christmas were when he missed them most. Regulus didn’t speak to him when they were at Hogwarts; he was already caught up with the Baby Death Eaters, as Marlene called them. Not that they had been close when Sirius _had_ been at home, mind you, but Regulus was a constant reminder that things could have been different. Sirius was glad they weren’t - he was glad for who he was, for the friends he’d made, for the roads he had chosen. Still, there was a sting to it, that he couldn’t be around the huge ebony table in that foul dining room, surrounded by the Black family tree, and no doubt squashed in between little Bellatrix and her aloof sister, Narcissa, opposite from Regulus. Maybe the sting wasn’t from wishing circumstances were different. No, maybe it was from wishing _they_ were different.

“Merry Christmas, Padfoot!”

James barrelled into the room and launched himself onto the end of Sirius’ bed, throwing a wrapped parcel at Sirius’ head. He caught it, laughing.

“Merry Christmas, Jem, even if you are trying to kill me.”

“Go on, open it,” James instructed. “The first thing’s from all three of us.”

Sirius ripped off the brown wrapping paper to reveal the gifts his best friend had given. The first was, what seemed to Sirius, a slightly tatty leather notebook. He opened it, somewhat confused, before the inside took his breath away.

As he opened the first page, messy handwriting that he knew only too well spelt out _Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs present to you the Marauders’ Chronicles._ He flipped from page to page, realising what it was. Photographs had been glued in on each lefthand page, accompanied by magical captions, documenting their time at Hogwarts. On the right, careful drawings - he knew Remus’ handiwork when he saw it - brought whole tales to life: the moment the four of them met on the train, the time they’d discovered the secret passage to Honeydukes cellar, the evening when they’d covered Mrs. Norris in magical feathers that multiplied when Filch tried to take them off, and of course - the day they’d become Animagi. Every page made him chuckle, remembering fondly the memories.

“We thought about giving it to your birthday,” James admitted, “but it wasn’t done by then.”

“This is incredible,” Sirius replied, finding it difficult to hold back his emotions. “I… I don’t know what to say, thank you so much.”

“Don’t be soppy, you big melt,” James teased, punching Sirius on the arm. “Look at the other thing, that one’s just from me.”

The second item was a bottle, slightly dusty and with a faded label. Sirius squinted at it, just about deciphering the words _Puddlemere Distillery._ Recognising it immediately, Sirius looked at his best friend, face lighting up.

“Are you serious?! Is this an 1802 firewhiskey, or are you pranking me?”

“It’s not a prank,” James said, rolling his eyes. “Even I’m not that much of a dick.”  
  
Sirius grinned.

“Thanks, Prongs!” He reached down to the bedside cabinet, pulling a wrapped present from behind it. “Sorry about the shit wrapping, you know I’m terrible.”

“Never seen much point in it, to be honest,” James admitted, “seeing as you’re just going to tear it off anyway.”  
  
James did just that, and revealed a pair of glistening maroon Quidditch gloves.

“Are these…” James trailed off as he pulled them on, marvelling at their suppleness and fit. “Pads, are these dragon hide?”

“Baby dragon hide, no less.”

“How did you get a pair?!” James asked incredulously. He’d been lusting after some dragon hide gloves ever since they’d gone to the Quidditch World Cup and seen Ludo Bagman, playing for England, sporting some.

“I know a guy,” Sirius shrugged, pleased at how much his best friend liked the gift. Truth be told, it had taken him nearly eight months to track them down, and had thought seriously about waiting until James’ birthday in March to give them to him. He’d ended up cornering one of his second cousins in Knockturn Alley and parting with a hefty weight of gold.

“You’re amazing, cheers, Pads!” James grinned.

“Do you smell bacon?” Sirius said suddenly, and James laughed.

“Honestly, all you think about is food. C’mon, I guess Mum’s started breakfast.”

* * *

 

“Alright, I think we’re set,” James said, scanning the hall. It was a week later, New Year’s Eve, and they were preparing for the party hosted every year at the Potters’. His parents had left the night before, apparating to Godric’s Hollow to spend the New Year at the family cottage with their best friends. Conversely, Remus and Peter had arrived that morning. They had exchanged gifts over coffee and cake prepared by the Potters’ house elf, Hempy - Remus bought both James and Sirius an elegant new quill set, and Peter presented hampers from Honeydukes - after which they had raced to the garden for a pick-up game of Quidditch. Now, as the afternoon drew on, they were arranging the house for the festivities.

“Booze in the kitchen, right?” Sirius asked, as he emerged from the doorway that led down to the cellar, guiding a crate of drinks in front of him with his wand.

“Yeah, perfect,” James said. He felt a pull at his trouser leg, and saw Hempy looking up at him. They’d offered her clothes countless times, and she stubbornly refused them, insisting that she belonged with Mistress Potter, _thank yous very muchs_ , and she wasn’t going anywhere. Instead, she wore a clean pillowcase every day, something that his mother washed and mended by hand, much to Hempy’s disgruntlement.

James knelt down to eye level with the elf.

“What is it, Hempy, old girl?” he asked.

“The foods is prepareds, Master James,” Hempy said squeakily, “and all laids outs. Is there anything else you needs?”

“No, I think we’re good. Where are you off to tonight, Hempster? I know you elves like to have a bash on New Year.”

“Well,” Hempy said, blushing.

“Go on, tell me,” James grinned.

“All the elves, Master James, has been invited to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry,” she said, lowering her tone to an awed whisper, “by Professor Dumbledores himselfs.”

“Well, best not be late then, old girl. Go on, have a good time!” James hugged the little elf, before straightening up. She beamed at him, waved, and disapparated. _Dumbledore would invite the elves for a party_ , James thought. _What a guy._

“God I love that elf,” he muttered to no one in particular, and wandered into the kitchen.

Hempy really had out done herself. Mounds upon mounds of food sat on the kitchen table - tarts and pies of every description, great tureens of stew and soup, all kept warm by that house elf magic wizards were yet to really understand. Just at the front, James could see his favourite sausage rolls, piles of sandwiches, a huge chocolate gateau, and a large plate of what looked like tiny meringues with strawberries perched atop them.

“Your elf is a thousand times better than ours,” Sirius said, from where he was standing at the kitchen counter, arranging bottles and goblets on the side. “Kreacher is literally the foulest thing.”

“I’d be foul too,” James chided, “if I were house elf to your family.”

“Good point,” Sirius chuckled. “I think we’re all good here, Prongs.” He gestured to the bottles on the side. “If we need any more, your dad’s set aside a whole four more crates down in the cellar, the absolute legend.”

“What can I say? Monty loves a party,” James responded.

“On that note,” Sirius said, checking his watch. “We had better get ready.”  
  
Sirius chucked a bottle of butterbeer at James, who caught it deftly.   
  
"What's this for?"   
  
"Drinking in the shower,  _obviously_ ," Sirius replied. 


	6. That's My Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is ragingly drunk at the New Year's party. The gang end up playing truth-or-dare and... well, we all know where that can end up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part deux of our little New Year vingenette, and #consent is key, kids. Sirius is very well-behaved in this. Good egg. 
> 
> WELL. It's hot and bothered, I'll tell you that. Do we want more hot and bothered? Is this enough details? Let me know. 
> 
> Quidcup is the best I could do with beer pong and magic. It's lame, I know, as is the band name "Pink Thestral". Absolutely never hire me for branding.

Sirius was, to be quite honest, absolutely shitfaced. 

He’d necked his butterbeer in the shower, and had at least three more before the guests started to arrive. Then, there was Hempy’s famous punch - he had no idea how many glasses of that he’d had - and then shots, and then more beer, and then he and the Marauders had taken a quiet twenty minutes to open the firewhiskey James gave him for Christmas. He was now on the elf-made wine, eschewing a goblet in favour of supping the rich liquid straight from the bottle, clutching it by the neck. 

The hall was crowded, and loud as hell. Music blared - Sirius thought it was the new Pink Thestral album, but he couldn’t hear the record for the ringing in his ears. He wandered the edge of the heaving dancefloor, a great mass of gyrating, sweaty bodies. He had no idea where his friends had gone, and sought them in the rooms that spanned off the main hall, with its huge staircase, giant Christmas tree, and vaulted ceiling. 

The first was the dining room. Someone had set up a drinking game on the mahogany dining table, and it was surrounded by Hogwarts students, some he recognised and others he didn’t. Usually he loved Quidcup, which involved bouncing miniature Quaffles through enchanted hoops and into the opposing team’s drinks. From his position in the doorway, he caught the eye of flame-haired Amelia Bones across the table. She held his gaze, before smiling slightly, and winking at him. Another year, he’d have walked over, and squeezed into the crowd next to her, complimenting her on the green dress she was wearing. The game would end, and he’d suggest they make a team for the next round, getting progressively drunker together as the night wore on. Then, one thing would lead to another,and they’d slip away together upstairs, and…

_Not tonight_. No, tonight he wasn’t in the mood - or at least, not in the mood for _Amelia’s_ company. He smiled charmingly, but turned on his heel and left. He squeezed past an animated Fabian Prewett, talking with Benjy Fenwick about the Chudley Cannons’ rare win the weekend before, and checked the drawing room. He walked into the dimly-lit room, before walking immediately out again - he did _not_ want to know what Alice Collins had been doing to Frank Longbottom. 

That left the library, and the kitchen. He did pause for a moment to talk to Amadeus Wilkie, an old Gryffindor who had left school the year previously, before he opened the door to the library. Adjusting to the dimness, he thought the book-lined room was empty. Then, he spotted her sitting in a loveseat by the roaring fire. 

_Her._

She looked fucking fantastic. In the half light, the pattern of the fire flickered in shadow and light across her face. She’d left her hair down, not half-pinned like she did usually, and her blonde curls glistened like gold. She wore a black jumpsuit, her legs looking like they went on for miles. The top was a halter, showing off her shoulders and décolletage. He was practically salivating. 

“Hey, Black,” she said, looking up at him. 

“McKinnon!” he replied, a little too loudly, and threw himself into the seat next to her. “Why’re you on your own?”

“Needed a bit of space,” she said. “The music was getting to me. You know when you drink and it doesn’t make you _fun_?”

“Yup.” Sirius rested the bottle of wine on his knee. “How was your Christmas?”

“It was nice, actually! My siblings were all home - my sister, you know, Annie? - she just had a baby, so it was great to meet him.” 

“Cute, what’s he called?”

“Phineas,” Marlene said, making a face, “which I think is _heinous_ , but it’s a family name on his dad’s side. They’re all Fawleys. And to be honest, he’s so adorable that you can ignore the dreadful name. He’s got that peaches-and-cream look.” 

Sirius hadn’t ever thought of Marlene as someone who liked babies. She’d always seemed too… brusque for that. _Then again_ , he thought, _people always thought that about him._

“Phineas Fawley,” Sirius said, working the syllables around his mouth. 

“Awful, right?” 

“Not great,” he replied.

“How about yours?” she asked. “Christmas, I mean.” 

“Fantastic, Uncle Monty and Aunt Phe were great, as per usual.” 

“You call them aunt and uncle?” 

“Uh-huh, they make me. Think they’d make me call them Mum and Dad if they thought I’d do it.” 

“They really are like family to you, aren’t they?” Marlene asked. 

“Well, sometimes it’s nice to pretend,” Sirius replied, and took a swig of wine. She didn’t say anything to that, and he looked down. Her hand was resting on her knee, where her legs were crossed. She had such dinky little hands, he thought, so different to the great paws he had. He was many things, but delicate was not one of them; not slender like Remus, or elegant like James, or short like Peter. Without thinking, he reached out and took her hand in his, pressing her palm against his upturned one. He looked at how her fingertips barely reached the second knuckle on his hand, revelled in the softness of her skin as he laced her fingers with his own. 

_God,_ he thought, _it's t_ _he skin all over again. Think about her boobs or something, Sirius._

“What are you doing, Black?” Marlene chuckled. 

Sirius shrugged. 

“Dunno. Liked holding your hand that time. Want me to stop?” 

“No,” she replied, “you’re good.” 

“Good,” Sirius repeated. 

“You’re drunk, aren’t you?” 

“Maybe a lil bit,” he said. “You?”

“Getting there,” she replied, lifting a bottle of cheap firewhiskey and shaking it.   
  
“That,” he said with force, “is shit. Here, have some of mine.” 

He handed her the bottle of wine, watching as she brought it to her lips. She drank slowly, and when she was done, she licked the wine from her lips swiftly. 

_Christ. I could just tell her_ , he thought.  _I could just tell her how beautiful she looks tonight, how much I want her_. 

“Hey, Padfoot!”   
  
Both Marlene and Sirius jumped. James walked into the room, followed by Lily, Remus, and Peter.  
  
“We’ve been looking for you!" he said. "The girls are just in the bathroom, but we thought we’d play a game of truth-or-dare.” 

“Sounds good,” Sirius replied thickly. 

“Marlene, you wanna play?” James asked.

“Sure, Potter,” she replied, voice confident. 

“Are you two holding hands?” Remus asked, a bemused look on his face, as he threw himself onto the rug by the hearth. 

“Cold hands,” Marlene said cooly, but made no move to extract hers from Sirius’.

“As you were, then,” Remus replied, toasting them with his bottle. 

“Sorry!” Mary called, rushing into the room and dragging Dorcas by the hand. “Got distracted. But! We brought Alice and Frank and Amelia to make up the numbers.” James and Lily shared a look - _hopefully Amelia wasn't going to complicate things_ , James thought. 

Soon the group was settled comfortably. Frank had taken an armchair, Alice perched on the arm of it, her feet resting in his lap. Mary, Lily, Dorcas and Amelia were squeezed onto the sofa, with James and Peter joining Remus on the floor. 

“Who’s going first?” Lily asked, as James poured out more goblets of wine and handed them round.

“Who’s youngest?” he asked, handing a goblet to Marlene, who finally removed her hand from Sirius’, much to his internal chagrin. 

“Frank, no?” Peter asked.

“Yeah,” Frank replied with a wicked grin, “unfortunately me. August 19th.” 

“Unlucky,” Mary grinned at him. 

“Go on then,” Frank said, his Yorkshire twang rounded out by a few too many drinks. “Truth.”

“How long have you and Alice been doing the dirty and thinking none of us knew?” Lily asked, as though she’d had that question prepared and ready. The group laughed, and both Alice and Frank blushed red to their roots. 

“Four months,” Frank said finally.

“You total bastard!” Remus said from the floor. “I asked you about it in October and you never said!”

Frank shrugged. 

“A gentleman never tells, eh?” 

Next was Alice, who confessed that her biggest secret was sleeping with Frank in the library, which brought raucous laughter at the thought of the quiet, studious pair desecrating such a sacred space. Peter took a dare, drinking an ugly concoction of firewhiskey, wine, mead, and Irish cream from the bottle he’d been clutching all night, which curdled immediately upon entering the mixture. So disgusting was the drink, in fact, that it had come out of his nose. James admitted he was most afraid of his parents dying, which turned the mood a little sombre until Lily was dared to take a shot out of his belly button. Then Mary had to kiss Dorcas, and Dorcas had to do her best impression of McGonagall, and Amelia confessed to once sabotaging someone else’s potion in order to win 50 points for Hufflepuff. 

Then, it was Sirius’ turn. 

“Dare,” he said firmly. Stay away from the truth questions at all costs was his approach. 

James looked right at him. It only took a split second for Sirius to decipher the look on his face, the upturned corners of his mouth and the twinkle in his eye. _Lily had told him_ , he thought, panicking, _and she’d told him about Marlene too_. 

“Kiss the girl you’d most like to date,” James said, far too casually. 

Internally, Sirius was screeching. He felt like he wanted to turn inside out, jump into the fire, drop a glass of wine over himself, anything to stop them all looking at him like that. Amelia had a gaze one could only describe as expectant. He shot a look at Lily, whose face went pale when she realised he’d deducted the truth. _Traitor._

“Okay,” he said finally.

To his right, out the corner of his eye, he saw Amelia sit up a little. It’d be easy, of course, for him to turn that way, kiss her like he’d kissed her before, like everyone was expecting. Instead, he turned to face Marlene, who was studiously considering the goblet in her hand. He shifted slightly, and she looked up at him, her eyes going wide as they met his. _Well, all or nothing_ , he supposed. He leant in, bringing her face to his, and kissed her. 

It was a gentle kiss, lips touching briefly. No tongue, no heat or fire, but to Sirius it was the best kiss he’d ever had. His body felt alive, that’s the only way he could describe it - like Lazarus, like coming back to life again. 

They pulled away, and just looked at each other for a moment. Peter, now thoroughly drunk off hisunfortunate beverage, wolf whistled. 

Remus cleared his throat. 

“Well, I’m next,” he said, a little too brightly, “or is it you, Marlene?”

“No, you go,” Marlene said, flushed, finally breaking eye contact with Sirius. 

“Righto, I’ll have a dare, please,” Remus said. As the group awkwardly began to discuss dares, Sirius just kept looking at her. She’d blushed bright, bright red, and her eyes glistened with wetness. Then, it dawned on him. _I’m in love with her. Fuck. I’m in love with her._

Before Sirius could say or do anything, however, Marlene jumped up.

“ExcusemeIneedthebathroom,” she mumbled like it was all one word. 

“Wait, Marlene-“ Sirius began, rising to his feet, but she didn’t listen. She just kept walking, stumbling out of the room. He rounded on his friends.

“I’m going to murder both you-“ he pointed at James, before gesturing at Lily. 

“What, you guys knew about this?” Mary asked, mouth agape. 

“It’s… complicated,” Lily sighed, but Sirius interrupted her.

“No,” he spat, “it isn’t. I told you, and you didn’t keep your promise.” 

“Mate,” James said sternly, “watch your tone.” 

Sirius looked at his best friend for a moment, fuming. Then, saying nothing, he stalked out the room. 

* * *

He found her in the orangery off the kitchen, looking out the glass into the dark garden. A single candle was on a table, barely lighting the space. As he stood in the doorway, squinting into the darkness, he could hear her crying. That sound made his heart constrict. 

“Hey,” he said softly, and she jumped. She looked over her shoulder, and upon realising who it was, turned back, fiercely wiping her face. 

“What do you want?” she asked, her voice betraying her tears. 

“To talk,” he said, walking across the room. He noted how good she looked in that jumpsuit from behind. _Not the time_ , he thought to himself crossly. 

Sirius perched on the arm of a rattan chair, and drew Marlene to face him, rubbing his hands up and down her bare arms. 

“C’mere,” he said.

“Did you do that just to embarrass me?” she asked, the question flooding out like water. “Cus that wasn’t fair, Sirius.” 

“No.” The word  hung in the air between them, tiny and yet enormous. “God, no,” he laughed. 

“Then, why?”

He reached and brushed the tears from her cheeks, running his thumb gently under each eye in turn. He pulled her closer still, until her nose was millimetres from his, and he could count the constellations in her eyes. In lieu of words, he simply leant forward, meeting her lips again with his. This time, he pressed his tongue into her mouth, moaning with the taste of her. Marlene pressed forward, one hand on his leg and the other resting against his chest, while he tangled his fingers through her hair. _I’m going to die_ , he thought, _this phenomenal girl is actually going to kill me_. 

They pulled apart, lust flushed on both their faces. 

“Why do you think?” Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow. The look on her face told him everything -  _she felt the same_. 

* * *

 

They hurried up the three flights of stairs to the attic, Sirius dragging her by the hand. As soon as they were in his room, he pushed her back against the door. Where the kiss downstairs had been gentle, full of heart and love, this was passionate and fiery, a fight between the two of them. If the orangery had been Sirius and Marlene, he thought wickedly, then this was most certainly Black and McKinnon. As he kissed and caressed her, he left bright red blooms on her neck, running his hands up and down the curves of her body as he did so.

Her halter came undone, and soon the jumpsuit was on the floor; they, meanwhile, made it to the bed. When she was laid out before him, it was breathtaking. God, he could explore her for hours, run his lips and tongue over every inch of her; pull the soft skin on her collarbone with his teeth, marking her as his. He wanted to soak her up, all that pale, cream body before him, explore all of her secrets and hidden gems. He wanted to plant kisses from her sweet, full lips down her neck, across her décolletage and down her cleavage line between her breasts, going further and further below. He pressed himself against her, the full weight of his body against her. In the library, he’d felt like a giant pressed into a too-small space when he’d been beside her; now, it felt right. Sirius bit down on her lip, extracting a hiss of pain, and Marlene pulled on the back of his hair in retaliation. _That’s my girl_ , he thought. 

His shirt was next to go, and then he was on his back. Kissing him still, she ran her hands over his abs, raking her fingernails over them gently, and he felt a jump south of his navel. Dream girl, in his bed, in her underwear - Sirius could barely cope. 

Marlene reached for his belt buckle, and something dawned on him. As much as he wanted her - the tightness in his jeans attested to that - he shook his head, taking her hands in his. 

“What, after all that, you don’t want me?” Marlene pouted.

“No, I do,” Sirius laughed, “but we’re both too drunk. Gotta know you want it.”

“I do want it,” she said, matter of fact. 

“When I blow your mind in bed, I want you to remember it.” Sirius winked, then rolled onto his side, and patted the space next to him. “C’mere.” 

Marlene lay down, settling into the little nook between his arms and his chest. Sirius nestled his nose into her hair, breathing in the scent of her shampoo. 

“You smell like apples,” he said, softly. Marlene chuckled. 

“Love it when you talk dirty to me,” she quipped, and Sirius huffed out a laugh, squeezing her tighter to him in retaliation. The nape of her neck lay before him, her hair tucked to one side, and he bent his head to kiss it. Marlene emitted a soft moan, and goosebumps puckered her skin.

“Can’t stop thinking about you,” Sirius whispered, between kisses on her neck and shoulder.

“Ditto,” she breathed back.

“Not since I kissed you in the common room,” he continued, “not since we fought, not since we made up.”

“Hell of a long time to wait on someone to get laid. Not like you.” 

“Don’t do that,” he said gently, lips pulling on her earlobe, “don’t push me away.” 

“I’m not,” Marlene said, her voice tiny.

“Yes, you are,” Sirius replied, now peppering her jaw line with kisses. “I want you.” 

“Really?” Marlene asked, and Sirius could hear the sleep in her voice, its fingers wrapping round her, her eyelids drooping.

“Really,” he replied.

* * *

He took it back, every time he’d said it - _this_ would be the hangover that killed him. Waking to the harsh light - obviously he’d forgotten to close the curtains - Sirius could barely think or feel anything outside of the throbbing in his head and the extreme nausea. Opening his eyes had been a terrible idea. _Could he make it to the bathroom to throw up_ , he wondered.

Then, the flashbacks started. The library, and holding her hand. The truth-or-dare and James looking straight at him, as though he knew absolutely everything, and telling him _kiss the girl you like, Sirius._ The kiss, that had been just as good as the first one, and then the orangery, and the stairs, and more kissing. And then his room, and her jumpsuit and his shirt coming off, and just _so much flesh_ before him, and saying no to sex for the first time in his life, and-

He reached his hand out, feeling for the other side of the bed. He turned his head with his eyes still closed, waiting for the spinning to settle before opening them. 

The only thing on the bed was a note, written in the near perfect cursive he knew well from observing it written next to him in Transfiguration for nearly seven years.

_I’m sorry - didn’t want things to be weird. Had to get home, so I’ll see you back at Hogwarts. M x_

Sirius crumpled the paper in his hand. Now he didn’t know if the sickness was the alcohol, or his heart. 


	7. Don't Jinx It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Sirius duke it out after New Year, Lily tries to push Marlene into talking to Sirius, and Sirius chats to Madam Rosmerta. Then, there's the big showdown in the Astronomy Tower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I couldn't update yesterday - usually write and edit on my commute but work has been so hectic I didn't have time. 
> 
> A bit of a flitting chapter until The Big Showdown. Hopefully you enjoy - seeing as this is mostly supposed to be Blackinnon, I didn't want to make the Jily reveal to their friends too much. Onwards with more Blackinnon!

Sirius was standing in the orangery, where they’d kissed the second time that night. Hempy, bless her soul, had brought him the largest cup of coffee he’d ever seen, and the hangover tonic he’d taken was starting to kick in. The guests had either all left the night before, or earlier that morning - the only other people remaining in the house were James and Remus. 

“Pads,” James said, and Sirius turned to see him, still standing in his pyjamas. 

“What?” 

“Look,” James sighed, “about last night.” 

“Which bit?” Sirius muttered. “The bit where you made me kiss the girl I’m mad for, head-over-heels for, in front of everyone, or the bit where you took Lily’s side over your best friend’s?”

“Pads,” James said, “I didn’t-“ 

“Yes, you did!” Sirius exclaimed. “You called me out when I had every right to be pissed with her.” 

James sighed.

“Lily was just trying-“

“Don’t get me started on Evans,” Sirius said, shaking his head. 

“Don’t be rude,” James said angrily. 

“I told her something in confidence, James, and she broke that trust. Even worse, she told you, my best friend, my brother, and you didn’t tell me you knew!”

Before James could reply, Remus walked into the room. Unlike James, he was dressed, and held a tray of fresh coffee. He handed the mugs round, and Sirius was grateful for the heat of the mug as he wrapped his hands round it. 

“You two duking it out, then?” Remus as he settled onto a sofa. 

“Padfoot is still being a dick about Marlene and last night.” 

“She left, James! She literally left this morning because of what happened.” 

“That’s not my fault! Or Lily’s!”

“You’re a pair of hypocrites,” Sirius muttered, and Remus frowned.

“I get why you’re mad, Padfoot, and I think you’re right, by the way. But-“

“Tell him,” Sirius said simply, looking at James and gesturing towards Remus. 

James ran a hand through his messy hair, knowing full well what the look on Sirius’ face meant. _He knows_. 

“Tell him,” Sirius repeated, more firmly this time. 

“Lily and I…” James began, and Remus’ eyes narrowed.

“Lily and you what, James?” he asked cooly, and took a sip of his coffee.

James sighed, and crossed his arms defensively. 

“We’ve been… seeing each other.” 

“What?!” Remus asked, coughing from where he’d inhaled his drink. “You knew about this?” he directed his gaze at Sirius. 

“No, _actually_ , I worked it out last night. At least, I worked out that something had happened between the two of them. A few weeks back, Evans and I ran into each other. She guessed about Marlene, and I’d worked out about her liking James, and we talked. Only reason Prongs would ask me to kiss the girl I wanted to date would be if Lily had told him.” 

“Still doesn’t explain how you knew about me and her, though?” James said obstinately.

“Good guess, and then Evans was shifty as fuck.” 

“This is a hot mess, and you’re both as bad as each other,” Remus said, holding up both hands and settling further back on the couch. 

“Well, sorry,” James said hotly, “you’re in no place to judge, Moony, when I have it on good authority that you were seen kissing Emmeline last night, and you didn’t tell any of us.”

There was a moment of pause. Sirius looked from James to Remus and then back again, in no doubt that his anger had caused his face to flush just like theirs. 

“Ok, yeah,” Remus said finally, resting his cup of coffee on the table. “Clearly we all need to be more honest with each other.”

“Yeah,” Sirius sighed, and slumped into a rattan armchair. One of the magical plants on the stand behind him stretched out a leaf and brushed the side of his face, and he swatted it away.

“I’m sorry, Sirius,” James said, sitting opposite him. He rested his elbows on his knees and looked at his best friend apologetically. “Lily told me because she wanted to help, and I guess I got caught up in the idea of setting the two of you up.”

“I presume that’s when she fessed up that she doesn’t think you’re a slimy git, and instead wants to jump your bones?”

“Actually,” James laughed, “that’s not when she told me. After she came to find me in Dumbledore’s office, I guess I decided it was time to throw caution to the wind, so I kissed her… and, well,” he grinned, “she kissed me back. She only told me about your little suggestion afterwards.”

“Well, that’s snakey on her part,” Sirius acknowledged, “but I guess that isn’t your fault.” 

“No, but it still wasn’t cool. And, I’m sorry, Pads,” James said. 

“It’s ok,” Sirius responded after a second. “You owe me a shit tonne of beer, but it’s ok.” 

“Noted,” James grinned back at him. “Are you going to speak to Lily? She had to go early this morning because her aunt is coming over, but I know she’s stressing about this.” 

“I’ll send her an owl, later,” Sirius said, “and tell her she’s a shit, but things are fine. I might find it within myself to tell her I’m happy for you guys, too.” 

The other two laughed, and Sirius caught James’ eye. _Too hard to be angry with him for long_ , he mused.

“Now, Casanova,” James said, looking at Remus, “how was _your_ night?”

“Eh, it wasn’t great. Actually, was awkward as fuck, I have to say,” Remus admitted, “cus it turns out she’s been seeing someone, and they broke up. She cried when she was telling me, and I didn’t know what to do, and then she just… _kissed me._ ”

Sirius winced.

“Pulling a rebound on you? Not cool.” 

“Very not cool,” James confirmed. 

“Very not-happening-again,” Remus added. 

“When did our lives get like this?” Sirius asked, scrunching up his face. “Prongs has managed to bag the girl of his dreams and _didn’t tell anyone_ , I’ve done God-only-knows-what to my friendship and potential for a relationship with McKinnon, and you, Moony, have _turned down Emmeline Vance._ ” He shook his head. “Not a great look when Wormtail is the most functional of the lot of us.”

“Actually,” James said, “after you and Marlene left, he spewed all over the carpet in the library.”

“That’s disgusting.” 

“Well then,” Remus said, “I suppose we’ve all hit rock bottom. Only up from here, right?” 

“Don’t jinx it,” Sirius replied darkly. 

* * *

A fortnight later, after they had been back at Hogwarts for a week, Lily sought out her best friend in the library. January at the castle was always bitterly cold - the snow had been feet deep upon their arrival, and stepping off the Hogwarts Express had been such a shock to the system that it had taken their breath away. Although she was itching for the trip to Hogsmeade that weekend, just to get out of the castle, Lily was already dreading the temperature of the walk down there. She was hopeful that Sirius being in Madam Rosmerta’s good graces might mean she’d save them a table near the fire, where they could drink lashings of Rosmerta’s hot cider and play cards together for hours.

Lily had told her friends about James, _finally_. Marlene had rolled her eyes, barely able to conceal her grin, before thumping her.

“You should have told us!” 

“What?” Lily replied sarcastically. “Like you wouldn’t have ripped the shit out of me for falling for James Potter.” 

“No! Well, yes,” Marlene had admitted, “but then I’d have been thrilled that my girl is gettin’ it on!”

_Typical Marlene_ , Lily thought. She rounded the bookshelves, careful to look for Madam Pince in case she spotted the drinks Lily was carrying, and headed to the back of the library. It was Marlene’s favourite spot to study, a table in the corner at the rear of the library, where she could sit with her back to the fireplace, looking out the window over the grounds, and with her feet resting on the hot water pipe that ran around the base of the wall. Sure enough, Lily saw the wheaten hair in the distance, and made her way over. 

“Hey, Marls,” Lily said smiling, pushing a mug of cocoa over the table. 

“Ooh, you absolute angel, Lily Evans,” Marlene replied, wrapping her hands round the steaming drink. “I’ve been thinking about sneaking down to the kitchens for hours, anything to get away from this Charms essay.”  
  
“You should ask Sirius,” Lily said casually, “he’s great at Charms.”

Marlene fixed her with a look.

“Stop it,” she said, and took a sip. 

“What?! He is excellent at Charms! And, while you’re there, maybe you and him could sort your shit out?”

“We’re fine, Lily!” Marlene said, overly brightly. “What’s done is done, and it’s not like we’re fighting or anything.” 

“I mean, yeah, it’s not as awful as when you were fighting, but the two of you are barely looking at each other, and can’t stand be alone together. Watching you sit next to each other in Transfiguration is actively painful, Marls.”

Marlene sighed. 

“Honestly, it’s fine. Really, there's nothing-" 

“You guys want to be together,” Lily said firmly, “and this is silly. Sirius is avoiding it because he thinks you don’t want him, and you… well, I’m not actually sure why you’re avoiding it.” 

“Because he’s a slut, Lily,” Marlene said knowingly, “and leopards don’t change their spots.”

“That’s not fair, Marls.” 

“You sure? Amelia Bones, Aoife, Bella Abbott, Hester Fawley, Lucy Swiller - and they’re the ones _left_ at Hogwarts, let alone all the ones who have left school. He can’t keep it in his pants.”

“I think you underestimate him, you know,” Lily said gently, “and I think you underestimate yourself.”

_Now, where have I heard that before?_ Marlene mused, taking another sip of the cocoa, and trying to place the phrase.

"Anyway," she said briskly, "please for the love of God, help me with this Charms essay." 

"You'll help me with my Transfiguration one?" Lily asked, accepting the parchment Marlene offered.  


"Deal." 

* * *

The Saturday morning was, thankfully, freezing but dry. The snow on the ground was still thick, but it was a joy to leave the castle without being caught up in another flurry. The eight of them - the four Marauders, plus Lily, Dorcas, Mary and Marlene - were joined by Frank Longbottom and Alice Collins, as they walked down to the village. Lily and James led the pack, holding hands and laughing at something together. _What a difference a few months makes_ , Sirius thought, remembering that early trip to Hogsmeade where the two of them had been blind to the other’s feelings. It had gone round the school pretty quickly that James Potter and Lily Evans were dating; Hogwarts was nothing if not reliable when it came to gossip spreading. Of course, it had been aided by the fact that Lily and James had walked into the first breakfast of term holding hands, and James had spent the meal with his arm snaked round her waist. But, even Sirius had to admit, they made an adorable couple.

“Disgustingly cute, aren’t they?” Remus said from beside him, as they turned up the main street in Hogsmeade. 

“Utterly foul,” Sirius replied with a grin, “but very sweet.” 

“Only taken them our entire education to get there.” 

“Do you think it was a test for us, really?” Sirius asked. “Like, I don’t know, we’re all better people because we had to put up with Prongs moping over Evans for six years. Are we more patient? _I_ certainly feel more patient.” 

Remus laughed. 

“You’ve never been patient in your whole life, Padfoot,” he chuckled. 

“Rude.” 

The group arrived at the Three Broomsticks, pushing open the door to find it packed with people - both locals and students alike - sheltering from the bitterness outside. Sirius loved the smell of the place - it smelled like firewood, and whiskey, and the sweet aroma of cloves. The group approached the bar, and Sirius squeezed to the front beside an animated Dedalus Diggle. 

“Sirius Black!” Rosmerta called from behind the bar.

“Darling Rosmerta, you look a treat. New hair?” Sirius returned, leaving his arms on the worn oak bar. 

“Ach, you’re still a horrid flirt,” Rosmerta tutted, but with a smile. “I got your message - table over there reserved for you, as you asked.” She pointed towards the biggest table in the pub, right by the fire. 

“You’re an angel,” Sirius grinned, as the others made their way to the table, grateful to take their thick cloaks off. 

“What’ll you be having, Mr Black?” Rosmerta continued. 

“I think we’ll start with a round of hot ciders - that’ll be eight, please - and some firewhiskeys.” 

“Coming up,” she replied, and directed her wand to a great urn in the corner, which began to pour out steaming mugs of cider. 

“Busy today then?” Sirius asked, offering payment for the drinks. 

“Saw your little brother earlier,” Rosmerta mentioned casually as she counted out the coins Sirius had handed her.

“Oh, right?” He tried to play it off as equally casual. 

“Nasty friends, he’s got.” 

“They’re beastly, aren’t they?”

“You speak to him much at school?” Rosmerta handed him his change.

“No, not at all, if either of us can help it,” Sirius sighed.

“Good,” Rosmerta said. She reached across the bar and patted Sirius’ arm. “You stick with those friends you’ve got, Sirius, they’ll see you right. Good kids, all of them.” 

“Yeah,” he smiled, glancing over at the group’s table, “they’re not bad, are they?” 

“I see young James Potter’s finally managed to nab the girl,” she smiled, as the two of them watched James put an arm round Lily and kiss her sweetly on the cheek.

“About bloody time,” Sirius laughed. 

“No young lady sparking your fires, then?” Rosmerta asked, passing the tray of drinks to Sirius. 

“Working on it,” he winked.  


Rosmerta laughed. 

"You would be, Sirius Black. Now, get on with you - I've got customers to serve." 

* * *

It was midnight, and Marlene couldn’t sleep. The afternoon in Hogsmeade had been wonderful, really, and she’d enjoyed the chat in the common room afterwards. Everyone else seemed to have fallen asleep immediately, leaving her staring at the canopy above her bed and stewing in the darkness. After tossing and turning for what felt like hours, she pulled the curtains back from around the bed, and looked out into the dorm. Lily had forgotten to close her curtains, and was sprawled across the bed, her stuffed giraffe, Raphael, tucked under her arm. Marlene smirked slightly. _Bless her_.

She rose quietly, careful not to wake the others, and threw on a pair of jeans, a sweater and some shoes. She didn’t really know where she was going - the library, maybe, or just to wander around the corridors for a while. Marlene knew the house elves pretty well - she’d snuck into the kitchens with Lily and the Marauders enough times - so maybe she’d end up there. Better than lying in bed awake for hours, wherever she ended up. Throwing a cautionary look over her shoulder to check her friends were still asleep, she descended to the common room.

Slipping out of the portrait hole, her feet instinctively found themselves heading towards the Astronomy Tower. Maybe it was because she knew Sirius went there when he was stressed, or angry, or in need of a bit of space. Maybe it was because the space seemed to be full of him, even when he wasn’t there, and she just wanted to sit in it for a while. Maybe it was because she hoped he was there now, and she could just do it, just unburden herself of it all and confess how she felt. 

Arriving at the tower, she climbed the circular stone staircase slowly, lost in her thoughts. She felt the familiar burn in her thighs as she reached the top - it really was a hell of a way up - before she realised what she could hear. Voices. Voices coming from within the upper room of the tower. 

“That’s good advice, you know.” 

Marlene knew that voice anywhere. Rough and low, consonants clipped and vowels elongated, money and status rounding out the syllables. _Sirius._ But, who was he with? She moved slowly to the archway that gave entrance to the tower, and peered inside. 

Sirius was leaning against the stone wall, one of the soles of his loafers resting against it. He was mussing his already-haphazard curls, stress on his face. Across the room, Amelia Bones sat cross-legged on the stone bench - that same stone bench they’d sat on and made up. Marlene gasped, almost instinctively, and the pair’s eyes shot towards the door. 

“Marlene?” Sirius said, frowning. Marlene felt a frisson in her stomach - he hadn’t called her Marlene since _that night_. 

“W-what are you doing here?” she replied, almost accusatory. 

“What are _you_ doing here?” he said back. 

“I’m going to go…” Amelia said awkwardly. “See you around, Sirius.” 

“Yeah, see you,” Sirius replied, not taking his eyes off Marlene. Amelia gave the girl an uncomfortable smile, and hurried out the room.

“Seriously?” Marlene said. 

“What does that mean?” Sirius said harshly. 

“Amelia Bones again?” 

“What? We were talking, McKinnon, nothing more.” _There it was. McKinnon again.  
_  
“Sure!” Marlene scoffed. 

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Sirius growled. 

“What?!”

“Why do you always think the worst of me?”

“Because you’ve never given me reason to think otherwise?” 

“Seriously?” Sirius barked out a harsh laugh. “I literally confessed the fact that I can’t stop thinking about you at New Year, and you bounced before we could talk about it.” 

“Because I know you, and I know you were just saying things to get me to sleep with you!” _Even I’m not convinced of that argument_ , she realised.

“I literally stopped us having sex, for God’s sake!” Sirius cried. “What more evidence do you want that it was not, in fact, getting in your pants that was on my mind?!”

“Well, you seem to have moved on pretty quickly,” Marlene said, gesturing her hand toward the door where Amelia had left in such a hurry. 

“I was asking her for _advice._ About you,” he added. 

“What, advice about how to get me into bed like you did with her?” As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Marlene regretted them. The look of hurt on Sirius’ face was all too evident. _Just tell him_ , she thought bitterly, _just do it._

“For your information,” Sirius said, barely steadying his voice, “I never slept with Amelia.”

“Wait, what?” 

“I never slept with her,” Sirius repeated. “Messed about in a few empty classrooms, sure, but never sex. She’s a good listener, actually,” he finished lamely. 

“Why were you talking to her about me, then?” 

“Because I’m mad for you!” Sirius burst out. “Absolutely crazy, head-over-heels, nuts, barmy, bananas, crackers! Have been for months now. Can’t stop thinking about you, actually, whether it’s in class, or at Quidditch, or in bed at night.”

“What?” she said quietly. 

“More than that, in fact,” Sirius finished, the weight of the words heavy between them, “I’m pretty certain I’ve fallen in love with you.” 

She didn’t know what to say. The colour had drained from her face, her head swimming. 

“You… you what? Me?”

“I love you, simple as that. If you could see yourself, Marlene, through my eyes, you’d understand,” Sirius continued, running a hand over his face. “You said you wanted me, I don’t understand why you keep pushing me away like this.” 

“I can’t tell you,” she said instinctively, without thought. _What the fuck, why did you say that, Marlene?_

“Why not?!” Sirius’ voice was rising now, and there were patches of red appearing on his neck. 

“You wouldn’t understand!”

“Try me!” Sirius said breathlessly, pushing himself off the wall. “Just… try me.” 

The way he looked at her, expectation in his eyes, and the way the room seemed to be a vacuum of air, it was all too much. Before Marlene could stop them, the words came tumbling out, gaining momentum. 

“Because _I love you!_ I’ve always loved you!” 

Silence.

_Fuck_ , she thought. She’d said it. She couldn’t believe she’d actually said it. That secret she’d been carrying around with her for years. 

Sirius took a step towards her, his face pale and unreadable.

“Say that again,” he whispered. 

“I…” 

“Marlene,” he said, his voice strained, “say it to me again.”

_Well,_ she thought, _I’m up shit creek now._

“I… I love you,” she whispered.

Before she knew it, he had her pressed against the wall, the rough cut of the stone digging into her back. He was kissing her, and she felt like crying and laughing all at once; she’d told him, and he wasn’t laughing her out of the room, mocking her for the fact that _the impervious Marlene McKinnon actually felt something._

“How long?” Sirius asked, holding her face in his hands, scanning her face like he wanted to takein every inch of it and commit it to memory for eternity. 

“Always,” Marlene shrugged, avoiding his eye. “Ever since we were kids. Just… always.” 

“You fool,” Sirius said softly, tilting her head so that she couldn’t avoid looking straight into those dark irises. “You should have told me.” 

“No,” she said, shaking her head, “I couldn’t.”

“Why not?” he asked softly. 

“You know why.”

The girls. He’d always been a ladies’ man, always caught the eye of older Gryffindors who snuck into the common room with him late at night. _Sirius always had someone on the go_ , his friends always said. He closed his eyes, filled with uncharacteristic regret. 

“Who else knows?” he asked finally.

“That I’ve been in love with you since I was eleven? Oh, absolutely _everyone_ ,” she quipped sarcastically. 

“You’re doing it again,” Sirius murmured into her ear, after kissing her temple, “stop pushing me away.” 

“Honestly?” she muttered finally. “The only person who really knows everything is Gideon.” 

“Prewett?” Sirius frowned, stopping his ministrations. 

“Yeah… after you kissed me in the common room, we talked, and… he realised.” 

She thought back to that morning, after Sirius had kissed her in the common room at the Quidditch after party. She’d woken stupidly early, probably from the stress of it all, and lain in bed until she could take it no longer. She had dressed, and snuck up to Gideon’s dormitory. Careful not to wake the other boys, she had shaken him awake. Eyes meeting, he knew what they had to talk about, and had met her in the common room five minutes later. Sitting on the sofas by the newly made fire, they’d talked. 

_ “It’s him, isn’t it?” Gideon asked, simply. _

_ “W-what?” Marlene stuttered.  _

_ “Black.”  _

_ “What?” _

_ “C’mon, Marls,” he said, smiling with a sigh, “don’t lie to me. I think I’ve always known your heart’s been for someone else - why else would we have played the games we have?” _

_ “I never meant to hurt you…” Marlene whispered, and Gideon looked at her, knowingly.  _

_ “I know that. Because I think I’ve been doing the same thing.”  _

_ “Who?” Marlene asked softly.  _

_ “Dorcas,” Gideon said. “Taken me a while to realise it, sure.”  _

_ “You’d be good for her, you know that?” _

_ “Perhaps,” Gideon shrugged. “But I also know what I want to do after Hogwarts, and I’m pretty certain any relationship won’t be a priority. My sister - you know Molly, right? - is already involved, and I know the strain her and her husband have to deal with.”  _

_ “And you were going to tell me this when?” Marlene teased.  _

_ “You’re the only one who’d put up with it, I think,” Gideon joked back. “But, it’s not me you want, is it?”  _

_ “How did you know?” _

_ “Last night…” Gideon trailed off. “When you were kissing him, there was this look on your face, and suddenly it all made sense. You just… well, you looked a way I’ve never got you to look.”  _

_ “I’ve loved him since we were kids,” Marlene said quietly. “God, it’s so stupid! Sirius Black doesn’t do love and he certainly doesn’t do commitment.”  _

_ “Don’t underestimate him,” Gideon replied, “but, more importantly, don’t underestimate yourself. You’re a phenomenal young woman, Marlene, and I think you could change the heart of even the most hardened of bachelors.” _

_ “You’re not going to say anything, are you?”  _

_ “No,” Gideon said, shaking his head, “I won’t. I’ll keep your secret as long as you need, I promise.”  _

_ “You’re a good egg, Gideon,” Marlene said, smiling sadly. “I wish things were different.”  _

_ “Do you know something? I don’t think I do, and I don’t think you do, either. We’ve had fun, McKinnon.”  _

_ He stood up, brushing off his dressing gown with the air of a man who had just done the right thing. Marlene looked up at him fondly. _

_ “Yeah,” she said softly, “we have.” _


	8. A Marauder Has His Ways

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A cute few looks at Blackinnon, and then it all gets saucier at Lily's birthday party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never felt more British than when I was trying to write something that can only be described as smut-lite. Do you want more of it? Is this excruciating enough?
> 
> Veela champagne is obviously a total creation of my own brain, but I think it works?

“You’re cold,” Sirius said, suddenly noticing Marlene’s shivering. “C’mon, let’s go back to the common room.”

He took her hand in his, smiling, with a look on his face that Marlene could only decipher as shy. _Sirius Black, shy? Miracles really did happen._

They walked slowly back to the common room, hands clasped together. At one point, they spotted Mrs Norris, and had to duck into an empty classroom to avoid Filch’s suspicions. Sniggering, they rushed back to the common room as quickly as possible. 

Once they were back, Sirius and Marlene headed immediately to the fireplace, where the embers of the fire were still glowing. Sirius pulled out his wand, muttering an incantation, and the fire sprung to life. 

“That should warm you up soon,” he said, pulling her onto the sofa to lie down against him. 

“It was so cold up in the Astronomy Tower,” Marlene said. “Should have put more layers on.”

“Why were you up there, anyway?” 

“Couldn’t sleep.”

“What, head filled with thoughts of me?” Sirius teased, and Marlene blushed furiously. 

“No! I just… it was really nice today, that’s all. I had a good time.”

“Yeah, me too,” Sirius said, brushing some of her curls out of her eyes. With Lily and James paired off, and the same with Alice and Frank, Sirius had wandered Hogsmeade with Remus, Peter and the rest of the girls. They’d ended up in Tomes and Scrolls, the bookshop, where they’d discussed the latest instalment of Jonathan Trout, a famed Wizarding novelist, and then onto Zonko’s and Honeydukes, where Sirius had bought Marlene a chocolate frog, just because. 

“Why did you never tell me, Marlene?” Sirius asked softly, breaking the silence.

“How do you tell someone that you’ve felt some way for the best part of a decade?”

“True,” Sirius acknowledged.

“And… well, I guess I didn’t know if you were done with the other girls, I suppose. You’ve had someone on the go since fourth year.”

“I guess that’s fair. So…” Sirius said, taking one of her hands in his, and tracing his index finger over the lines of her palm. 

“So?”

“This is it, then?” Sirius said, a twinkle in his eyes. Marlene frowned in confusion. “You and me, two commitment-phobics, finally committing.” 

“I’m in if you are,” she replied shyly.

“Trust me,” Sirius whispered, pulling her closer, “I’m in.” 

Marlene fell asleep before he did, the pattern of her breathing slow and rhythmic. He felt warm, not just from the fire or from the heat of her resting against his chest, but deep down in his bones. He wasn’t quite sure how she’d fallen asleep so quickly - his mind was alive with elation. _She felt the same._ That night in the orangery hadn’t been an aberration, or a slip of self-control, but _she wanted him_. Sirius stared up at the ornate ceiling of the common room, not bothering to hide his grin. _Not in a hundred years,_ he thought, _did I think I’d be grinning like a maniac in the dark because Marlene McKinnon wants me._ Just the idea had kept him going for months, consumed his thoughts in a dull class, or late at night behind the curtains of his four-poster bed in the dormitory while the others slept. _No more going solo_ , he thought wickedly. Pulling her closer to him, revelling again in the apple smell of her shampoo, he shut his eyes and waited for sleep to come. 

* * *

“Well, well, well.”

Sirius opened his eyes. It took him a minute to realise where he was, to realise that he was still lying on the sofa in the the Gryffindor common room, and that a grinning James was looming over him. It took him another moment to realise that the weight on his chest was a still slumbering Marlene. The room felt far too bright, and incredibly hot; his lower back was aching from sleeping on the slightly sagging sofa. 

“Something you’d like to tell us?” James said, still grinning, and Sirius noticed that James wasn’t alone, but surrounded by the rest of their friends. 

“Does this really need explaining?” Sirius asked, yawning and stretching. Marlene woke as he shifted.

“Not really,” Lily laughed. “Good night, Marls?” 

“The best,” Marlene muttered sleepily, burrowing a little further into Sirius’ chest. He kissed the top of her head, smoothing down her hair with his hand. 

“We’re going down to breakfast, you guys joining us?” Remus asked, pointing toward the portrait hole, a smile on his face.

“Go ahead,” Sirius waved. “Be down in a bit.” 

The group moved off and out the common room. Sirius watched them go, before turning to look at Marlene, who was still tucked in at his side. 

“You want to get breakfast, love?” he asked. 

“In a minute,” Marlene yawned. “Let me stay here for a mo.” 

“Sure,” Sirius replied, twirling a strand of her hair around his finger. 

“Guess we don’t have to tell them all, right?” Marlene huffed.

“No,” Sirius chuckled, “guess we don’t.” 

“We could tease them, of course, and pretend like this never happened.” 

Sirius’ heart missed a beat, and Marlene looked up at him.

“I was joking,” she said with a smile.

“You better be,” he replied, matching her smile with his own.

* * *

 

_Sirius Black was dating someone_. More than that, Sirius Black was dating _Marlene McKinnon_. The news spread round the castle like wildfire, that the two people least likely to date anyone had, remarkably, decided to date each other. That first morning, they’d walked down to breakfast together, deciding to take a leaf out of James and Lily’s book and just saunter in holding hands. There was a ripple among the students when they did, and Sirius relished in it. To be sure, they cut a striking silhouette together: tall, solid Sirius with his dark curls that always flopped forwards into his inky eyes, and willowy, fair Marlene, with those legs that seemed to go on forever, and that wheaten hair that foamed down her back. As they walked in, Sirius had caught Amelia Bones’ eye at the Hufflepuff table, and she grinned, giving him a thumbs up. _Good egg, that one,_ he thought. 

Sirius revelled in the fact that they were the talk of the castle. Marlene, less so, because she wasn’t quite the lover of being the centre-of-attention that Sirius was. He would kiss her after class, or take her hand instinctively on the way back from Quidditch practice, not caring who saw; it certainly took some getting used to. They had, of course, had an awkward run-in with Professor McGonagall one evening after supper, when Sirius had pulled her into an alcove on their way back to Gryffindor Tower. Marlene had giggled as he slipped his hands under her top, sliding them round her bare skin to the small of her back. She’d been about to say something when they heard someone clearing their throat, and jumped apart. 

“Professor,” Sirius said in his brightest voice, “lovely to see you. Great hat, is it new?” 

“I realise,” McGonagall said, in her trademark, withering tone, “that it is Valentine’s Day soon, but must we cavort in dark corners quite so much?”

“Well, Professor,” Sirius began charmingly, but McGonagall knew that tone of voice only too well after teaching Sirius Black for nearly seven years.

“To the common room, Black, and you too, Miss McKinnon. I don’t want to have to deduct points from my own house for the two of you canoodling in the corridors.” 

“Righto, Professor,” Sirius said, grabbing Marlene’s hand and pulling her up the stairs, before either of them could burst into laughter. Had they looked back, of course, they might also have seen a smile on McGonagall’s face.

Still, it was nice not to carry that burden anymore, nice to just be honest about how they felt. Being able to look Sirius in the eye and be completely honest with him had been like a weight lifting from Marlene’s shoulders, after all. Like with James and Lily, people would get over the novelty in good time. 

Soon enough, the end of the month approached and that was just the case, because the end of January meant Lily’s birthday. One Wednesday afternoon, Marlene, Sirius, James, Remus and Mary stuffed themselves into a broom closet on the fifth floor. Dorcas, sadly, had been laid up with a bout of flu, and the Marauders had tasked Peter with distracting Lily with his Potions essay. 

“Right,” Marlene said, “we need to - _ow! Sirius, get off my foot_ \- we need to finish the details on Lily’s party.” 

“Sorry,” Sirius said.

“Pads, have you spoken to Aberforth?” James asked.

“Course I have,” he replied. “I’m going down to collect the drinks on Friday night.” 

“How are you going to get there, you’ll be caught in a second,” Mary frowned.

Sirius chuckled darkly, and tapped the side of his nose.

“A Marauder has his ways, my dear Mary.”

“Not the point, can we focus?” Marlene said fractiously. 

“Don’t stress, babe,” Sirius said soothingly. 

“I’m not stressed!”

“Is it just me or is it _the temperature of the sun in here?_ ” Remus asked from the back. 

“Yes, let’s hurry this along before Remus passes out,” James said. “Pads, you’re on booze. Moony, you and Mary are going to chat up the house elves, right?” 

“Disgusting turn of phrase, but yes,” Remus replied.

“So that leaves Marlene and I to sort the decorations,” James smiled. “As long as Dorcas is back on her feet by Saturday night, she’s on to distract Lils with Wormtail so we can get the common room ready.” 

“Is that everything?” Mary asked. 

“Yes, and don’t forget that I’ve got her a cake organised,” Marlene added. 

“Dreamy,” James said, and clapped his hands together. Sirius hid a smirk - sometimes James was the epitome of Head Boy. “Onwards, gang, and we’ll reconvene on Saturday morning.” 

They shuffled towards the door, James exiting first, followed by Mary and Remus. 

“C’mere,” Sirius said, grabbing Marlene’s hand before she could follow the others out of the cupboard. “What’s up?”

“I don’t mean to be ratty, I’m sorry,” she said. 

“It’s ok,” he said, “but are you sure everything’s alright?”

Marlene sighed.

“I had an owl from my parents this morning. My sister and Fawley… they’ve decided to move to France. He got a job in the Department of International Magical Cooperation office in Paris.”

“Is this because of the dickheads running around at the moment?”

“Yeah… they decided it was safer for the baby to be somewhere else. It’s no place for Phineas to grow up.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“It’s fine, I understand why they’re doing it, I just can’t help stressing about everything. My parents and brother aren’t going anywhere - they’re too involved in the Ministry and in the push back against… Voldemort. Maybe that’s the worry.” 

“It’s going to be ok, Marls, I promise.” 

“How can you say that?!” she asked in a hushed tone. “Even _we_ aren’t safe and we’re purebloods. You’re in the sodding Sacred 28, for goodness sake.” 

“Please don’t bring that up, you know I hate it,” he muttered.

“I know, I know, I just… if they’re coming after _blood traitors_ , as they love to call us, what’s going to happen to the Muggle-borns?” 

“That’s why you’re so worried about Lily’s party, right?” Sirius said gently. “You’re worrying about what happens to her after we leave Hogwarts.” 

“I want to make it good for her. We’re so sheltered here, Sirius, but who knows what’s going to happen when we leave? I want her to have this.” 

“You, Marlene McKinnon,” Sirius said, taking her face in his hands, “are such a wonderful girl. But I promise, sweetheart, things are going to be ok. We’re going to win, but before then, we’re going to give Lily the best party ever.”

“Yeah?”

“Absolutely. Now, give me a kiss to last me through Potions - Slughorn’s been a moody bugger for _weeks._ ” 

* * *

Saturday arrived, and the group were ready. That morning, they’d gathered to shift the alcohol that Sirius had procured from the seventh floor to the Gryffindor common room. Now, as the afternoon had turned to evening, Dorcas and Peter were distracting Lily in the library while the others rushed to decorate the common room. James had procured a series of decorations, many of which he’d convinced Sirius to charm - there were now tiny paper woodland animals dancing upon the windowsills and the mantlepiece. Marlene had arranged fake flowers around the pictures on the walls, and bunting criss-crossing from wall to wall. 

“We’ve got about ten minutes, do you think that’s enough time?” James asked from the corner of the room. He was organising a group of third years he’d roped into inflating balloons, each of them slightly red in the face from the effort.

“Plenty of time,” Marlene said, “if Sirius gets off his arse and helps us.” She gave her boyfriend a glare, as he reclined on the sofa. Sirius had, admittedly, done a considerable amount of heavy lifting, shifting alcohol, moving furniture, and bringing his own magic record player down from the dorm in order to provide music. 

“You’re too far from me to hit me, and too far from your wand to hex me, so I think I’ll stay right here,” he grinned back, putting his hands behind his head in mock relaxation. 

“I used to take dance classes, honey, I’m flexible enough to injure you with my feet from here,” Marlene replied, fixing a slightly drooping piece of bunting that slouched off the mantlepiece. 

“Kinky.”  
  
“She’s coming early!” Mary hissed, silencing Marlene before she could respond. Everyone in the common room hushed, as James extinguished the lights - it was pretty packed already, and Sirius knew they were expecting more people. He jumped up off the sofa, and moved to hide behind a rather unflattering statue of Godric Gryffindor beside his girlfriend. Tucked into the corner with Marlene, as they waited, he took the opportunity to slip a hand up her skirt - _it really was indecently short_ , he thought.

“Sirius!” Marlene hissed at him. He grinned lazily, and pulled her closer into him as she swatted at his hand. 

“What?” he whispered into her ear. “You aren’t telling me you expected me to look and not touch, are you?”

“That’s exactly what I’m telling you, you beast,” she muttered back, but it wasn’t even a half-hearted attempt to get him to desist, and Sirius knew it.

“Liar,” he said, crushing her lips against his, before-

_“SURPRISE!”_

The common room erupted with voices and light as Lily climbed through the portrait hole, flanked by Dorcas and Peter. Upon realising what the commotion was, Lily’s face went bright red, her hands coming to her mouth in shock.

“You guys!” she exclaimed. 

“Happy Birthday, babe!” James grinned, grabbing her and planting a great kiss on her cheek. Sirius resisted the urge to roll his eyes at that, and instead took Marlene’s hand to pull her over to their friends. 

“Happy Birthday, Evans!” he cried, as Marlene gave Lily a hug.

“I can’t believe you did this!” Lily said, her eyes wet. “You’re the best!”

“We got you a cake, c’mon,” Marlene said, pointing Lily towards an armchair. She sat down, shock still on her face, as Marlene quickly moved to the table at the side of the room, returning momentarily with an enormous birthday cake, resplendent with sprinkles and eighteen pink candles.

“Oh my gosh, Marlene! Where did you get that?” Lily asked.

“Borrowed James’ darling house elf, obviously,” Marlene said, nodding her head towards James. 

“Good old Hempy,” James replied with a smile. He raised his voice to include the whole room, gesturing with his hands. “Okay, ready, folks? _One, two, three!”_

The room burst out in the old familiar song. 

“ _Happy birthday to you,_

_Happy birthday to you,_

_Happy birthday dear Evans,_

_Happy birthday to you!”_

Lily blew out the candles, taking a few gos to finally blow out the joke candle Sirius had snuck onto the cake when Marlene hadn’t been looking. Sirius flicked his wand, and the record player in the corner started pumping out music. He gestured towards the drinks table, as the crowd began to chat amongst themselves.

“Help yourselves, all of you!” he called to the guests, before turning back to the group that had gathered around Lily’s armchair, where James perched on the arm. Marlene was on his left, Remus and Peter on his right, and they’d been joined by Alice, Frank, Mary, and Dorcas. 

“We got you some gifts - I know it’s not your birthday until tomorrow, but it seems as good a time as any to give you them,” Mary explained.  
  
“Yeah, and let’s face it - you’ll be hungover as shit tomorrow,” Sirius added, earning a laugh. 

“Go on, open this one,” Mary continued, handing Lily a beautifully wrapped gift with a large pink ribbon. “It’s from Dorcas and I.” 

And so, the gift giving began. Mary and Dorcas had given Lily a bottle of beautiful perfume, which she immediately spritzed onto her wrists. James had bought her a golden necklace, a delicate chain with two tiny charm pendants: one capital L, and one dainty little stag, the latter of which made Sirius and Remus catch each other's eye, biting back grins. Lily went bright red upon opening it, and insisted James clip it round her neck immediately. Remus had bought her a beautiful writing set, complete with personalised seal for the wax on the back of her envelopes. Peter, in characteristic form, had procured a box of Honeydukes’ most expensive chocolates, and presented them to Lily was a beaming smile. 

“Here, this is from Sirius,” Marlene said, passing the next gift from the pile. “I apologise in advance for whatever it is, he did _not_  ask my advice, and I obviously didn’t help with the travesty that is the wrapping.”

"You know you're supposed to be my girlfriend and build me up, not tear me down, McKinnon." 

Lily laughed, and unpacked the present in her lap. Two things were revealed as she did so. Lily picked up the first one, a little black box about the size of Sirius’ hand, and took off the lid. Inside, a neat silver-coloured hip flask, engraved with her initials, rested on black satin. 

“A hip flask!” she laughed. 

“Goblin-made, no less, Miss Evans, so it should last a hell of a time.” 

“This is so characteristically _you_ , Sirius, thank you!” 

“You know, you’re going into the real world after this year, I though you’d need something to take with you. Can’t be relying upon the Marauders all your life for your tipples, Evans,” he grinned. 

“No,” Lily laughed, “I suppose I can’t.” 

She reached for the second gift, a bottle that looked about as old as she was. It was corked, and sealed with a silvery wax. 

“Sirius is this…” she trailed off. James leant forward, peering at the label.

“Bloody hell, Padfoot!” he said, looking up at his friend with pure shock on his face. “How the hell did you get a bottle of Veela champagne?” 

“I know a guy,” Sirius replied. 

In reality, it had been a hell of a cost. He’d been in touch with Aberforth Dumbledore at the Hog’s Head almost as soon as they’d been back to Hogwarts, who’d arranged a meeting in the pub with a French wizard who passed through Hogsmeade every now and then. Hurrying down there through the secret passageway in the Room of Requirement one Wednesday afternoon, they’d met in Aberforth’s dank upper room. Sirius was somewhat convinced the man had been part-troll - his body odour had been, quite frankly, rancid - but had nonetheless parted with half the payment in advance for a bottle of the champagne. He’d casually dropped in the Black name as security, and watched the man pale in recognition. When he’d returned to Hogsmeade to collect the rest of the alcohol from Aberforth that he’d purchased for the party, sure enough, the French man was returned with the bottle of Veela champagne. Parting with the second half of the money had been painful - it really was _extortionately expensive_ \- but the look on Lily’s face made it worth it. 

“This must have cost you a fortune!” she cried. 

“Can’t celebrate your last birthday at Hogwarts without something really great to drink, Evans.” 

“Thank you so much, Sirius!” Lily said, looking at him with such genuine affection that Sirius didn’t really know what to say. 

“Well, you know, it was nothing,” he shrugged. 

Lily moved to open the gift that Alice and Frank had bought her, and the conversation moved on, but Marlene caught his eye.

“Thank you,” she mouthed silently, earning a wink in return. 

* * *

The night wore on, and Marlene began to tire. She had done the rounds, played countless games of Exploding Snap and Quidcup, danced with Lily and Mary until they’d collapsed in a heap into armchairs. The common room was rammed with people, from third years all the way to seventh years; Lily was well-liked in the house and outside of it, and Marlene had seen a few people from other houses gathered with drinks in hand. Marlene had been chatting to Fabian Prewett, another member of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, and they’d been joined by Gideon; the three of them had discussed, like old times, the merits of the Wimbourne Wasps versus Puddlemere United in this year’s Quidditch League, before the boys hd gone for more drinks. She saw Amelia from across the room, and thought about going over to apologise; before she could, Amelia smiled at her and waved, which she returned.

Marlene spotted Sirius on the other side of the room, bottle of beer in hand, laughing as Peter told him something. _God_ , she thought, _I’m mad for him._ In the evening light, she could see the chestnut and chocolate in his dark hair. She’d known every inch of him for years, the way that scruffy kid had grown into broad shoulders and strong arms. He was built like he’d been born to be a Beater; he was solid, sturdy, standing with his chest open, shoulders back and relaxed, one hand in the pocket of his jeans. The other hand was wrapped around his beer, the fingers a little crooked from one-too-many breakages at the mercy of bludgers. There was something about the way he stood that was so characteristically _Sirius_ , a sort of unconscious way of being that was utterly unique, and that Marlene couldn’t put her finger on. 

For a long time, she’d thought it was arrogance in Sirius’ stance; Marlene had assumed that that relaxed, confident way of moving and behaving came with Sirius’ money and status and good looks. He was confident, certainly, the kind of confident that is so ubiquitous in clever, successful teenage boys with good friends. Since getting to know him intimately, she’d realised her mistake. What she’d learnt was Sirius’ different kind of self-belief, reflected in everything that he did and every interaction he had and the way he held himself. Not arrogance, but instead a simple, unshakeable belief in doing the _right_ thing, in being on the _right_ side, no matter the consequences. It was a kind of certainty that made him kind to people who needed it, even if that kindness sometimes meant showing them how to laugh at themselves; it was what spurred him on in the sometimes unfathomably high standards he held for himself in his relationship with his friends. The same belief had caused him to up sticks and leave home, and meant he shunned his brother at school even though he grieved for their sibling relationship dreadfully. 

When she saw Regulus around the castle, she was shocked at how much he didn’t resemble his brother. Sure, that trademark head of Black curls was the same, but the look of his face was remarkably different. Regulus was sallow where Sirius was pink-cheeked, even when both brothers had been playing Quidditch; his forehead was heavier and lower, his eyebrows so often knitted together in a frown. Sirius, by comparison, had features that were open and warm, his eyes crinkled round the sides and a lazy grin. They looked like Blacks, both of them, but if anything, Regulus was a testament to the idea that carrying on with wretchedness made one wretched. Sirius, instead, seemed at times the very definition of freedom. 

As Marlene moved towards him, she saw Peter gesture towards the drinks table, and walk away. Sirius span around, breaking into a grin when he saw her approaching. 

“Hi, love,” Sirius said, putting his arm around her. “Enjoying it?” 

“Yeah, it’s a good time,” Marlene said with a smile, “but I’m wiped.” 

“Yeah?” Sirius asked, tucking her hair behind her ear. 

“Think I’m going to head to bed,” she replied quietly, planting a kiss on his bicep.

Sirius grinned.

“Want some company?” he asked. 

“Are you inviting me up for coffee, Mr. Black?” Marlene asked mock-seriously. 

“After you, Miss McKinnon,” he said, bowing and gesturing towards the boys’ dormitory stairs. 

Sirius and Marlene were soon ensconced in his dorm, away from the party. They could still hear the _thump-thump-thump_ of the music, and Sirius wondered for a moment whether it was really wise for him to have left his records and player at the hands of increasingly drunk students. Nevertheless, he pulled the drapes around the bed, and cast a silencing charm. Turning back, the sight of her took his breath away. Marlene was reclined on the red bedspread, her hair fanning around her, and her skirt had ridden up even further revealing the tops of her stockings. Like some kind of heat-seeking missile, his hands reached for them immediately. 

“You look beautiful, in case I didn’t tell you,” Sirius murmured, and brushed her neck with his lips. 

“You might have mentioned it,” she said back.

“This skirt is tremendously naughty, though,” Sirius grinned, rubbing the edge of the fabric between his thumb and forefinger. 

“Only wear it because I know it drives you mad.”

“It does, it really does,” he groaned against her neck. He dipped his hand under her chiffon top, stretching it across the smooth plane of her stomach.

“Take this off,” Marlene instructed, pulling at the soft cotton of his t shirt. He obliged, and Marlene bit her lower lip in lust as he revealed those toned abs, dark hairs running down to his waistband, and that hideous dog tattoo on his chest, just off centre. 

“I really hate the tattoo, you know,” she said, planting a kiss on his neck as he lay over her again. Sirius let out a laugh - no, more than just a laugh. A deep, rich, hearty, _genuine_ laugh, and Marlene’s insides flip-flopped at the sound. Sirius did a lot of smirking, a lot of chuckling, a lot of sarcastic sniggering, but it was rare that she saw him properly laugh like that. 

“It’s not supposed to be aesthetically pleasing, that’s the point,” he muttered. 

“Why both having it, then?” 

“What can I say? It adds to my allure.” 

“You trying to impress other girls, Black?” 

“With you in my life, McKinnon? _Never._ ” 

He kissed her, and Marlene wrapped one hand around the back of his neck, the other running down his back. He moaned as her nails caught his skin, and pushed his tongue into her mouth, teasing hers. He moved his thigh between hers, and then it was Marlene’s turn to groan.

“Far too many clothes here,” he whispered, pushing her stockings down, and kissing her again.

One thing led to another, as it was bound to do, and soon she was lying there, utterly undressed, Sirius resting on his arms above her with his belt unbuckled. 

“You really are fucking magnificent,” Sirius said, eyes roaming all over her body. Marlene had never felt so _exposed_ , so laid open and bare - literally, and figuratively. She blushed.

“No,” he breathed, “no, don’t do that. Don’t be embarrassed.” 

“Bit hard when you’re staring at me like you’re trying to pull out my soul.” 

“Anyone ever told you you’re not a natural romantic, honey?” he laughed. 

“Working on it,” she grumbled, and he laughed into her lips again. Before he could respond, she’d flipped their positions, so that she was sat astride him. Marlene shifted against the hardness of his groin, and Sirius groaned, his eyes slipping shut, and he ran his hands desperately up and down her bare thighs.

“Antsy, aren’t we?” Marlene teased.

“Only been waiting on this since New Year,” he said, biting back another moan as she moved on him. Of course _that_ made her want to tear every piece of remaining clothing off of him. 

“Why did you make us wait?” Marlene asked, and Sirius’ eyes flew open. 

“Remember what I said to you, that night?”

“Not really, actually,” she admitted, and Sirius laughed. 

“ _Exactly._ I’m many things, Marls, but I’m not enough of a dick to do that. But, I’ll refresh your memory: I said that when I blow your mind in bed, I want you to remember it.” 

“What a _line_.” 

“Won’t be saying that when I’m proving it to you, will you?”

“Why are you wearing so many _clothes?_ ” she said, sudden and breathless, climbing off him. Sirius laughed, and pushed his jeans down, flipping over to lie atop her again, before Marlene spoke. 

“Are those… are those dogs on your boxers?”

Sirius looked down.

“What? Oh, yeah… James’ parents got me them for Christmas. Got a pair of matching socks somewhere.” 

This time it was Marlene’s turn to laugh. 

“Have I told you,” she said, pulling his face to hers and planting a kiss on his lips, “that you’re fucking adorable. They really are your family.” 

“Once or twice,” he grinned, and his hand began to slip down her body, “but if it’s all the same, I’d rather not talk about James’ parents while I do _this_.” 

Marlene opened her mouth to protest, but groaned instead as Sirius’ hand found its destination. Talk, it seemed, could wait. 


	9. He's One of a Kind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and Marlene are cute in the library, then there's a Black brother showdown on the Quidditch pitch, and a little bit of Blackinnon doing some extracurricular activity in the changing rooms afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't been able to update as regularly as before, life has been hectic! Here's more smut - I promised, and have delivered. Hope you enjoy! 
> 
> I also thought it'd be realistic to think of James getting so caught up in Quidditch that he forgets that real life matters on the pitch as well as off of it.

“It’s Valentine’s Day next week.” 

Marlene looked up from her desk in the library as Sirius walked towards her. The afternoon light came through the window, casting one side of her face into gold. _God, I’m a lucky bastard_ , he thought, approaching the table and giving her a chaste kiss.

“I love that you’ve learnt the calendar, good job!” Marlene teased as he took a seat beside her.

“Behave,” he said good-naturedly, passing her a piece from the chocolate bar he’d brought with him.

“Thank you,” Marlene said with a smile, popping the piece into her mouth. 

“What d’you wanna do?” Sirius asked thickly through his own chocolate. 

“I don’t really mind. It’s a Hogsmeade weekend, right?” 

“Yup.” 

“Grab a drink? I don’t know, what do you want to do?” 

Sirius shrugged.

“What does one do on Valentine’s? I’ve never had a Valentine before,” he admitted.

“If I’m honest, I’m really not fussed. I kinda just want to do what we’d usually do on a Hogsmeade weekend, you know?” Marlene scrunched up her face.

“You sure? Not just saying that and then when I don’t buy you anything you’ll be mad at me?”

Marlene rolled her eyes.  
  
“No,” she laughed, “I’m not buying you anything, if that helps.” 

“Good,” Sirius beamed. “I’ll send a message to Rosmerta, get her to save us a table. Don’t know what the others will be doing, imagine James will take Evans to Madam Puddifoot’s.” He made a face.

“If you take me there, I’ll break up with you,” Marlene said nonchalantly, scanning the papers in front of her.  
  
“Noted.”

“Oh! Also meant to ask, what do you think of this?” Marlene pushed a catalogue towards him, pointing out one of the figures on the page, a model witch who twirled back and forth in a beautiful midnight blue dress. “I was thinking of wearing it to the Leavers’ Ball in May.”

Every year, seventh year students were treated to an evening in the grounds of the castle, where a magical marquee was erected; there was a feast, and drinking and dancing, and Dumbledore usually made a speech that inevitably brought everyone to tears. 

“S’nice,” Sirius said. 

“Nice?” Marlene asked. “Anything more effusive to add to that, Black?” 

“You know I prefer you with your clothes off, McKinnon,” he replied with a cheeky grin. 

“Flirt.” 

“How are you feeling about the match this weekend, by the way?” Sirius asked.

“It’ll be a tough one - the Slytherin team are really good this year. Your brother’s turned out to be quite the seeker.” 

“Stupid git,” Sirius murmured to no one in particular. 

“Be careful, yeah? You know their captain, Flint, is a devil with his beater’s bat.” 

“Worried for me, are you?” Sirius teased, and Marlene fixed him with a look. 

“Yes, as it happens, I am worried about my boyfriend’s safety.”

“Say that again,” Sirius grinned. 

“What?”  
“Say it again, what you called me.” 

“I don- my boyfriend?” Marlene frowned, completely confused. Somehow, Sirius’ grin got even bigger when she said the words.

“Sounds great, that.” 

“I seem to remember a little while ago you saying to me that you didn’t think I was a romantic. Seems you were overcompensating for how much of a sucker you are,” Marlene teased.  
  
“Me?” Sirius laid a hand on his chest. “Hard as nails.”

“Shut up, Sirius, you’re a total sap.” 

* * *

Saturday morning dawned fresh and crisp, a light frost glittering upon the grounds. The sky was clear of clouds for the first time in a while, weak winter sunlight bouncing off the lake. Sirius had woken early, before the rest of the Marauders, and dressed quietly before creeping out of the dormitory. Now, ensconced at the Gryffindor table, he lazily ate a bowl of porridge and read the Daily Prophet, as his fellow students came into the Great Hall in dribs and drabs.

“Morning,” came Marlene’s voice in his ear. He felt her hands on his shoulders, and she gave him a swift kiss on the cheek. 

“Morning,” he replied. “Want tea?” 

“Coffee, please.” 

Sirius obliged, pouring the hot liquid out of the pot in front of him, and passing it to Marlene as she sat down. 

“Pass the sugar, please,” she said, taking the steaming cup. 

“Not like you, you’re sweet enough as it is.” 

Marlene rolled her eyes, taking the sugar pot, and dumping two large teaspoons of the white granules into her coffee.

“Need a bit of a boost this morning, what can I say? Anything interesting in the Prophet today?”

“No,” Sirius sighed, scanning the front page again. “Just the usual doom and gloom.” 

“Don’t know why I bother asking anymore.” 

“Don’t know why I bother reading, to be honest.” 

The pair looked at each other, and Sirius couldn’t help breaking into a broad and genuine smile. He reached out, taking Marlene’s hand and ran his thumb over her knuckles - he ignored the giggles from a group of third year girls slightly further down the table. 

“You’re going to make your fan club jealous,” Marlene mocked in a stage whisper.

“Gladly,” Sirius replied, “if I get to hold your hand, Marlene McKinnon.”  
  
"Yeah?"

"Yeah." 

“Good thing I let you then, isn’t it, Sirius Black?”

They were joined in that moment by Lily and James, approaching the table with their arms around each other. James’ was slung around Lily’s shoulders, and he had her pulled close to him, whispering something into her ear that was causing her to blush. Sirius and Marlene shared an amused glance - they knew an afterglow when they saw it. 

“Morning, folks,” James said, flinging himself into the seat opposite Sirius. Lily sat beside him, admittedly in a more restrained manner. 

“Morning,” Sirius replied through a mouthful of bacon. 

“Feeling pepped up and ready?” James asked, handing Lily a glass of orange juice. 

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Marlene shrugged. “You watching with Remus and Peter, Lils?” 

“Yep,” Lily answered, “and Mary’s going to join us once she’s out of detention with Flitwick. Poor Dorcas is feeling under the weather again.”

“What’s Macdonald doing in detention with Flitwick of all people?” Sirius frowned. “She’s great at Charms.” 

“Exactly,” Lily replied, “which means she never does the homework because she doesn’t see the point. Even Flitwick’s favourite gets a detention every once in a while for that.” 

“D’you know, my respect for Macdonald only grows with every passing day,” Sirius mused lightly. 

“How’re you feeling about the match?” James asked, turning the conversation once again to Quidditch. “Confident against Regulus, Marlene?” 

At the mention of his brother, Sirius concentrated very hard on buttering another piece of toast. 

“It’ll be a tight match,” Marlene admitted, “but I think I can out-fly him. He’s quick, sure, but he usually relies on that over being first to spot the Snitch.” 

“And with that bloody fantastic new broom of yours,” James grinned.

“I like my chances,” she finished, matching James’ smile with one of her own. 

* * *

God, it felt good to be in the air. Sirius took a moment to assess the Quidditch pitch after shadowing James, the latter of whom had managed to score a really rather remarkable goal. They were just into the second half, and Sirius was hovering some ten-or-so-feet from the ground, eyes flitting back and forth as he looked for the two bludgers. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted one hurtling towards him. Turning, Sirius took an almighty swing at the bludger, sending the ball spinning off towards two of the Slytherin chasers. The dull _thunk_ let him know he’d hit his target, and Sirius grinned in spite of himself. He spun around, bat in hand.

_Smack._

He didn’t, at first, know what had hit him. All he knew was that a great force knocked him from his broom, sending him spiralling toward the ground. Sirius collided with the hard earth, his breath pushed out of his lungs by the force of it. _Jesus,_ he thought. Getting his bearings, he saw his little brother’s laughing face a few feet away, as Regulus sat up and brushed his emerald green robes down. 

“Oi,” Sirius snarled, “you little shit.” 

“Getting slow are you, big brother?” Regulus sneered back, now on his feet. 

“C’mere, you filthy little twat,” Sirius said, jumping up. “Won’t have such a mouth on you after I’ve beat you to a pulp.” 

“All brawn and no brains, as per usual, Sirius.” 

Sirius lunged towards his brother. He heard his teammates land, but didn’t take his eyes off of Regulus. Before he could respond, he felt someone yanking him by the shoulder, strong arms pulling him backwards. He realised it was the Prewett twins, pulling him back, Gideon shouting into his ear to ignore it. James marched up to Sirius, cutting off all view of Regulus as the Slytherin captain did the same.

“Padfoot,” James growled, grabbing Sirius by the neck of his Quidditch robes. His face was inches from his best friend’s, close enough for Sirius’ breath to steam up the bottom of his glasses. “Don’t you fucking dare quit on me now for your slimy toe rag of a brother.” 

“Get off me, Prongs!” Sirius snarled, struggling under James’ surprisingly tight grip. 

“No!” James spat back, shaking Sirius firmly. “I’m not talking as your friend, I’m talking as your captain. Get back on your fucking broom.” 

Sirius didn’t say anything for a moment, before yanking his robes from James’ grip. Glaring daggers at them all, he mounted his broom and kicked off from the still-frosted ground. 

“You,” James pointed at the Slytherin captain, Christian Flint, “keep your fucking players in check.” He turned back to the rest of the team, their faces betraying shock at James of all people losing his temper. “Gryffindors, get the back in the air!” 

Sirius was furious as he took to the skies again. The look on his face was pure, unfettered rage; he was practically spitting venom. He circled the pitch, climbing higher in order to survey the damage. The rest of the team, save for James, had returned to the air; their captain was talking animatedly with the Quidditch mistress, Madam Hooch, and the Slytherin captain on the ground. James, every now and then, gestured angrily towards Regulus. Finally, Madam Hooch blew her whistle, and the captains kicked off again. 

Marlene hovered next to him. 

“Sirius?” she said. 

“What? Going to tell me not to let him get to me? Bit late for that.” 

She reached across the air and grabbed him by the forearm, and Sirius met her eyes. 

“No, because I’m not James,” Marlene said deliberately. “I’m going to tell you to beat the motherfucker by _winning_ , honey. Also not going to lie and say that the whole macho-testosterone thing didn't turn me on.” 

Sirius grinned. 

“Knew I fell for you for a reason,” he said wickedly. “You seen the Snitch yet?”

Marlene shook her head. 

“Regulus is a good Seeker, but he’s definitely not seen it either. Wouldn’t have pulled that little stunt if he had.”

“True.” 

“So I need you to focus, Sirius. Their beaters are savage.”

“Well,” Sirius sighed, feeling his anger dissipate, “I’ve got your back.” 

“I know you have. C’mon, Black,” she said, her eyes twinkling as she turned her broom and readied to shoot off, “let’s give them hell.” 

“Lead the way, McKinnon.” 

* * *

Gryffindor won, and very convincingly. James scored another seven times, each time to raucous applause from not just the Gryffindor supporters, but also those from Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw. _Slytherin_ , Sirius thought, _really didn’t stand a chance_. Marlene had taken the Snitch in the seventy-third minute, beating Regulus to that little golden orb by a matter of centimetres, after a hair-raising chase from one end of the pitch to the other. Landing roughly, Sirius had dropped his broom in favour of gathering Marlene up in a passionate kiss, to many wolf-whistles and hollers from the crowd. The team then returned to the changing rooms, beaming smiles and enthusiastically patting one another on the back. Sirius spuriously avoided James’ eye as they did so, instead heading straight to the showers.

Twenty minutes later, after every inch of sweat and mud was washed away, Sirius walked out of the boys’ showers with a towel wrapped around his waist. He settled himself on the bench, next to where Marlene was packing away her gear, and was about to ask her a question when James strode over to him. Sirius realised the three of them were the last left in the changing room, and that his best friend had been waiting for that exact moment. 

“What were you playing at, Sirius?” James said, and Sirius bit back the urge to laugh.

“Playing at? He knocked me off my broom!”

“So you get back on it, and you keep playing!”

“Is that what you’d have done, Prongs?” 

“Yes!” James cried. “Who cares if your Baby Death Eater brother pushed you a little bit? Get over it, Padfoot!”

“Oh, right!” Sirius scoffed, barking out a laugh. “You’d know what having a Baby Death Eater brother is like, right?" 

“Keep your family drama off the Quidditch pitch, you know it’s not the place,” James growled.

“Watch your fucking tone, Potter,” Marlene said, laying a hand on Sirius’ arm. She’d appeared by his side quietly. 

“You’re seriously going to defend that show?” James gaped. 

“Regulus is a brat, we both know that,” Marlene shrugged. “Doesn’t mean you have to be a brat about it, either, James. Sirius had the right to be pissed about it, we all would be in his situation.”

“You’re only saying that because you’re dating, McKinnon!” 

“Yeah,” she said softly, “I am.”

Silence fell. Neither James nor Marlene were backing down, staring at each other. James’ face was red, displaying his anger and irritation; Marlene, in comparison, seemed frighteningly calm. Sirius knew who he’d put money on in duel. 

“Yeah, ok,” James sighed, finally, scanning Marlene’s face before turning to Sirius. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have had a go at you, because I don’t know how it feels.”

“No hard feelings,” Sirius shrugged.

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” Sirius smiled. “See you back at the castle, yeah?”

“Sure,” James grinned back. He glanced at Marlene for a moment, his face unreadable, before leaving the changing rooms. Sirius watched him go, before turning to Marlene.

“You didn’t have to do that, you know,” he said quietly, wrapping an arm round her and pulling her close to his chest. 

“I know,” Marlene said simply, resting both hands on Sirius’ bare chest. 

“Appreciate it, though,” Sirius replied, and kissed her gently. Marlene’s hands moved from his chest, gently down his abs until they were resting at the top of his towel. Sirius felt a jump south of his navel, and pulled his lips from hers. 

“Here?” he asked, eyebrows raised incredulously. 

“Everyone else is already back at the castle,” she whispered, “and I told you all that testosterone got me hot and bothered.” 

Marlene pushed Sirius’ towel down, exposing him. Sirius was about to speak, possibly to offer a weak protest, when she kissed him on the mouth, soft and gentle. His tongue slipped against hers, and he tangled his hands in her golden curls, taking in the soft feel of them against his rough hands. Her hands, meanwhile, had descended further, gripping him as he hardened against her palms, straining at the bit. 

“Let me,” Marlene whispered in his ear. She kissed his neck, gently at first, and then pulling at the skin with her teeth, leaving proud red marks on his neck and jaw in the way he usually did to her. She usually used concealing charms, or covered the more stubborn ones with make up when that didn’t work. Sirius would leave them out for all to see, like he always did; Marlene always teased him about it, about the fact that ladies man Sirius Black liked showing off the angry bruises that marked him as _hers_. 

Then, she was on her knees, and Sirius looked down at her, scarcely able to believe that this insanely _perfect_ girl was on her knees in front of him, licking her lips and staring him down like he was the most delectable thing she’d ever seen. When she took him in her mouth, Sirius slipped his eyes closed, as fireworks exploded on the inside of his eyelids over and over again. God, he could barely breathe, all he could think about was the feeling of her soft lips all over him, nimble fingers working in tandem, tongue driving him crazy. The feeling was almost excruciatingly perfect, and he lost himself in it. 

“‘M close,” he grunted after a while, drawing on every ounce of willpower he had, and she slowed, pulling away from him and standing up.

“How’d you want me?” Marlene whispered in his ear, and if he’d thought he was hard before, _that_ sent a jolt of electricity through him. Sirius pushed aside his belongings on the bench, sitting down and patting his knee. 

“Here,” he said, his voice gruff. 

She look too much enjoyment from teasing him, he knew that, as she began to slowly undress. The disparity in their attire suddenly became ludicrously apparent, and Sirius was almost salivating as he watched her. Had she been in her school uniform, she might have just hiked her skirt up and slipped out of her underwear, and gone to town just like that. Now, she was pushing her jeans down those long, long legs, kicking them off. Then, she was in his lap, kissing him again and gasping with anticipation as they rubbed against each other. 

_God_ , he wanted to stay like this forever, the two of them wrapped up in each other in the Quidditch changing rooms. It was hardly the most romantic place in the castle - he could think of a hundred other places that didn’t smell quite so much like mud and leather, he had to admit. But then, she was moving up and down on top of him, and Sirius didn’t care, didn’t care about where they were or who might walk in or anything other than the sensations flooding his body. Marlene had her hands on his shoulders, and Sirius moved his hand from her smooth thigh to her lower back, gripping her soft, supple flesh as the pleasure increased. She had her head thrown back, moaning with wanton abandon, and Sirius pulled her closer to him, clamping his lips around her collarbone and leaving matching bruises to the ones now blooming on his own neck. 

“Sirius,” she breathed, and he knew she was close.

“Look at me,” he urged, barely getting the words out. His throat felt dry from the panting, his voice alien to him. 

Marlene obliged, opening her eyes and meeting his. Sirius felt himself building towards an explosion as she did, and that’s when he knew what he wanted: he wanted to keep looking into those eyes for the rest of his life. That, or he wanted to die looking at them, right there in the Quidditch changing room, with nothing else seeming to matter in the world. 

* * *

“I thought we should… talk.”

Marlene looked up from the book she was reading. It was a free period, the day before Valentine’s Day, and she was tucked into an armchair in the Gryffindor common room. James was standing in front of her, hands in his trouser pockets, looking sheepish.

“Talk?” Marlene frowned confusedly. 

“Yeah,” James sighed, pulling a small stool over and perching on it, so he was sat right in front of her. “About the weekend.” 

“Gotta be a bit more specific.”

“The match,” James said simply, and Marlene realised what he was talking about. She closed her book.

“I’m not mad at you, if that’s what you’re worried about,” she said. 

“I’m not…” James trailed off, looking at his hands, and sighed. “I guess I just wanted to know where you were coming from, that’s all.” 

“You know me,” Marlene said, quietly, “you know I call Sirius on his bullshit whenever necessary. But, that show at the match wasn’t bullshit, James.” 

“I just feel like he could have left it, that’s all. We’re through to the finals because of that match, and he put that in danger.” 

“You’re an only child, right?” Marlene queried, and James knotted his brows in confusion. 

“Yeah.”

“Parents who love you? Stable family life?” Marlene asked, and James nodded. “Then you’re never really going to understand. Imagine not being the long-awaited miracle baby but just another kid in a fucked-up family who constantly seems to be disappointing, no matter what you do. Even when you’re brilliant, you’re disappointing, because it’s not the right _kind_ of brilliance.” 

“Well-“

“And,” Marlene continued, “don’t even for a second think of saying he’s not brilliant, because you know he is.”

James laughed. 

“I wasn’t going to,” he said good-naturedly. “Do you know how many of our little adventures wouldn’t have been possible without him?” 

“That doesn’t surprise me.”

“What I was going to say is that I get it - he _is_ brilliant. He walked away from all of their mess. I couldn’t have done it.” 

“Neither could I,” Marlene said, “and I think that’s the point. Even if we don’t say it to him, we’ve got really used to him being able to do all the things by himself, that it’s unthinkable that he might have a moment every now and then when the brilliance slips and he’s just that pissed off kid with the shitty brother.”

“Yeah, that’s true,"James admitted. “I guess I understand yours and his relationship a bit better now, too.” 

“What do you mean?” Marlene frowned. 

“Well,” James started, and then stopped, clearly thinking how to phrase his comment. “I know how it is to be in love with someone, right? Like, I love Lily so much sometimes it feels like I’m going to stop breathing.” He blushed, and Marlene smiled knowingly. “And yes, I know, that’s a total cliche, but that’s how I feel about her. I guess that moment after the match made me realise that I’m not the only one who has the urge to do everything to protect that person they’re crazy about.”

“You wanna know something?” Marlene said, after a moment.

“Sure.”

“I’ve loved him probably as long as you’ve loved Lily,” she continued, noticing the shocked look on James’ face. “And don’t look at me like that - not all of us wear our hearts on our sleeves like you do, James Potter.” 

“I always thought you were just friends…” James said with surprise. “When, you know, did you _know_?”

“That first detention,” Marlene said, with a knowing grin. “Came out of it and _obviously_ everyone wanted to know how detention was with the all-star James Potter. No one else seemed to be interested in knowing anything about mysterious Sirius Black, which was baffling to me - no offence, of course.” 

“None taken, although I will point out that it’s reasonable for everyone to have been more interested in me. I _am_ taller, after all, and that’s very important when you’re eleven.” 

Marlene threw her head back and laughed. 

“Oh shut up, James, you were scrawny little things. _I_ was taller than both of you at that point.” 

“Ok, fair.” 

“Anyway, I don’t think I knew what I felt, at first. We became friends, and I thought it was just that that was how you felt about your guy friends. Didn’t occur to me that I didn’t feel the same about you, or Remus, or - _God forbid_ \- Peter. After a while I kind of had to acknowledge the fact that feeling like you want to actually die when seeing Sirius make out with some other girl probably wasn’t the mark of being _just friends_.”

“But you dated other people? Benjy? Gideon?” 

“Halfhearted attempts at distraction, I suppose,” Marlene shrugged. 

“I guess he’s one of a kind, right?” 

Marlene was about to respond, when the portrait hole opened, and in strolled Sirius. He was carrying a stack of books under one arm, his other hand stuffed into his pocket, and he looked the picture of good cheer. His face lit up when he saw James and Marlene, and he bounded over to them.

“Guess what? McGonagall just gave me ten points for _not_ hexing the first year that spilled pumpkin juice on my shoes!”

James and Marlene shared a knowing smile. Yes, that was their Sirius - one of a kind. 


	10. You've Got Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and Marlene go on their Valentine's date, James and Sirius discuss Marlene's birthday, and then Sirius is left dealing with some family problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken me a while to post! Life has been hectic. This is a little bit of a filler chapter to get us through February (I'm doing at least a chapter for every month of the final year) so it's a touch shorter. Hope you like!

“I know we said we weren’t buying anything…” 

It was Valentine’s Day, and the students of Hogwarts had been given a free afternoon off to do with as they pleased. At breakfast and lunch, the Great Hall had been festooned with garlands of paper hearts, in red, white, and pink, and supper that evening promised to be a magnificent feast - the house elves were romantics at heart, after all. Like many of their companions, Sirius and Marlene had strolled down from the castle to Hogsmeade after lunch, hand-in-hand. They’d eschewed Madam Puddifoot’s - Sirius believed every word of Marlene’s warning - and instead had wandered the shops for a while, before gravitating towards the Three Broomsticks. Rosmerta had managed to find them a table, albeit in the corner, and they were squashed up against each other on the bench. Sirius didn’t particularly mind - such close quarters meant he could see down Marlene’s top, much to her chagrin. 

“Sirius,” Marlene warned.

“I know, I know!” Sirius held up his hands. “But… well, I saw this, and it made me think of you.” 

He pushed a small box across the table, with a clumsy red ribbon tied round it. Marlene paused before she opened it, her heart swelling at the typical terrible wrapping. Inside the box was a very tiny necklace, silvery and delicate. 

“Oh!” she breathed. 

“You like it?”

Marlene nodded, her face breaking into a wide grin.

“It’s beautiful!” 

“Good,” Sirius said, a pleased smile on his face. 

“I feel bad I didn’t get you anything,” Marlene said, pulling a face. 

Sirius waved a hand.

“Ach, don’t worry about it. I saw that last Hogsmeade weekend and I thought it would suit you, that’s all.”

Marlene reached a hand across the table, taking Sirius’ gently and running her thumb along his.

“I love it, I really do,” she said softly. 

Sirius beamed.

“Oh look,” Marlene said suddenly, nodding toward a nearby table, “Ambrose Bulstrode’s brought Margaret Warrington on a date.” 

“Ambrose Bulstrode looks like he’s eating her face,” Sirius said, grimacing as he looked at the two Slytherins aggressively making out. Marlene laughed. 

“What, like you’ve never kissed me like that in public?” she teased, and Sirius baulked. 

“Me kissing you is hot as hell, thank you very much, McKinnon. It absolutely never looks like _that._ ”

Marlene laughed again, and gestured toward the door.

“C’mon, let’s go for a walk. Plus, you owe me another Sugar Quill after you ate mine while doing your Charms essay.” 

“In my defence,” Sirius said, as they stood up and donned their coats and scarves, “it was a particularly hard essay.”

“ _I know_ ,” Marlene said, “which was why I was saving that quill.” 

They left the Three Broomsticks, and Sirius reached for Marlene’s hand, grinning at her as he did so. He loved this, just getting to hold her hand in public. It seemed like such a small thing, something he’d never have thought consequential until it was Marlene McKinnon whose hand he was holding, as she laughed at something and flicked her blonde curls over her shoulder. 

“I didn’t tell you how lovely you look today,” Sirius said, as they strolled past the entrance to Zonko’s.

“Thank you,” Marlene blushed. A group of fourth year Hufflepuffs walked past them, looking enviously on as Sirius pulled her closer to him and wrapped his arm around her waist. Marlene chuckled.

“You know,” she said, “you might have to have a word with the fan club and let them know that we are dating, and staring at me like that isn’t going to change anything.” 

“Let them stare,” Sirius grinned. “I want everyone to stare.”  
“You’re an attention whore, Black.” 

“No,” Sirius said, squeezing her waist, “I can’t stop telling the world about how in love with you I am. Big difference.” 

It was hard for even Marlene to find a sarcastic comment in response to that. She simply smiled. 

* * *

“Oi, Pads,” James muttered, pulling Sirius aside at the end of a particularly tough Quidditch practice a few days later.

“You alright?” Sirius asked. 

“Full moon coming up,” James replied. 

“Shit, I forgot,” Sirius said. “What night?” 

“First Thursday in March.”

“Christ,” Sirius muttered. “That’s the night before Marlene’s birthday.” 

“Exactly,” James replied, “so we need to do some planning. Remus isn’t going to be on great form, but I know he’ll hate to miss a party.”

“Hang on,” Sirius said, pausing as he stuffed his Quidditch robes into his bag, “what if we didn’t do a party - not a proper one, anyway.” 

“What do you mean?” James asked, frowning. 

“Well, what if we did something a little more intimate, so Moony doesn’t have to be on top form. Us Marauders, plus the girls, and Alice and Frank?” 

“Go on,” James nodded.

“I know it might be a bit lame, but what about a little midnight feast in the dorm? I’ll grab some booze from Aberforth, and we can get snacks from the kitchen. You know the drill, we can put up blankets to make a fort like we did for Peter’s birthday last year. It’ll be fun.” 

James looked at him, a bizarre smile on his face. 

“What?!” Sirius asked.

“Padfoot,” James teased, his voice turning mock-serious, “I never thought that having a girlfriend would make you this _thoughtful._ ”

* * *

Later that evening, Sirius was curled up in an armchair in the common room, Marlene tucked onto his lap. They had eaten supper together slowly, laughing over an article in the Daily Prophet about cauldron thickness, and slowly wended their way back to Gryffindor Tower. Sirius was so engrossed in the story that Marlene was telling, that he didn’t notice his Head of House walking straight across the common room toward them until McGonagall was standing right in front of him.

“Mr Black!” 

“I didn’t do it,” Sirius said instinctively. What he was supposed to have done, he didn’t know. Marlene slipped off his lap and settled herself on the floor. 

“You’re not in trouble, Mr Black,” Professor McGonagall said, the corners of her mouth twitching as she hid a smile. “You’re required in the hospital wing-“

“Is it James?” Sirius said, panicking. “God, not Remus?” 

“Your brother,” McGonagall continued. 

“Regulus?” Sirius frowned. “What’s he done now?” 

“It seems there was an… incident,” McGonagall said, “in the Slytherin common room. Madam Pomfrey says your brother will make a full recovery, but I thought you might like to go to him.”

“Right,” Sirius said, getting up awkwardly. “Er, right. I’ll see you later, Marls.”

Marlene raised a hand, watching as he followed Professor McGonagall out of the common room. Sirius wasn’t really one to feel awkward, but walking a step or so behind McGonagall as she led him to the hospital wing to see his brother made him want to claw his eyes out with discomfort. 

“Professor,” Sirius asked, “what actually happened?” 

“There was a disagreement among the Slytherins this evening,” McGonagall replied in her typical clipped tone. “We haven’t been able to establish exactly _what_ it was over, or _who_ sent the hex that hit your brother…” 

“What… what happened to him?” 

“Wounds, for the most part,” McGonagall replied grimly, as they turned a corner and proceeded toward the hospital wing entrance. “Nasty work, whoever produced the spell, as it seems to have been something Dark.”

“Dark?” Sirius croaked.

“Flesh wounds,” McGonagall continued. “Fortunately, Madam Pomfrey has him well on the mend.” 

They entered the dimly lit hospital wing, smelling of antiseptic mingled with the bunches of freesias set on the table by each bed. Sirius’ eyes adjusted, and were immediately drawn to the far side of the room. Regulus lay in bed, tucked under the crisp sheets and eiderdown. He looked tiny, and Sirius felt a lump in his throat at the sight. It had been a long time since he’d seen his brother looking this vulnerable. 

“Poppy,” McGonagall said quietly, drawing Madam Pomfrey’s attention away from the slumbering boy. 

“Ah, you must be here to see your brother, Mr Black?” the matron said, addressing Sirius. He swallowed, and nodded, unsure what to say. “He’ll be awake soon. I used a small amount of Sleeping Draught while I dealt with the injuries. I’ve given him some painkilling potions, they should start to work soon.”

Madam Pomfrey gestured toward the bed, and walked away to her office with McGonagall in tow. Sirius slid into a chair next to Regulus’ bed. His brother’s hands, resting on the top of the blankets, were wrapped in bandages, and Sirius could see a nasty gash marring his right cheek. Sirius felt sick; he didn’t know what to do with all the emotions coursing through him. 

“Siri?” Regulus breathed, his eyes fluttering open, and Sirius started forward in his chair.

“I’m… I’m here, Regulus,” Sirius said, laying a hand on Regulus’ forearm, careful to avoid his bandages.

“It hurts,” Regulus said quietly, a faint trace of fear in his voice.

“Madam Pomfrey says the painkillers should kick in soon.” 

Regulus made a noise of acknowledgement, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. Sirius couldn’t tell if it was in irritation, or in pain. 

“You want water?” Sirius said suddenly, pouring out a glass from the jug on the bedside table. Regulus nodded, and allowed his older brother to guide the glass to his lips, drinking hungrily. After a few gulps, he leant back on the pillows 

“You didn’t have to come,” Regulus said, finally. 

“I did,” Sirius said roughly, “of course I did. McGonagall came and got me, I wasn’t going to just leave you here on your own.” 

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” Regulus spat back. Sirius bit back his reply - _I deserve that,_ he thought. 

“Who did this?” Sirius breathed.

“Doesn’t matter,” Regulus muttered. 

“Yes,” Sirius replied forcefully, “it does.” 

Tears filled Regulus’ eyes, and he angrily wiped them away. 

“You can’t do anything to help, Sirius. It’s not jut Hogwarts, it’s home too.” 

“Reg,” Sirius said softly, “I can help. You don’t have to go back, I promise.” 

“You don’t understand,” Regulus replied roughly, “I don’t have a choice.” 

“You do,” Sirius pressed, “I promise you do.” 

“No,” his brother shook his head, “I don’t. Not anymore. Not… since you left.” 

“Tell me,” Sirius said breathlessly. “Tell me what I can do.” 

“There’s nothing, Siri,” Regulus said, finally looking into Sirius’ eyes. “This is how it is. We both made our choices.” 

Neither of them said anything for a while, simply sitting in the silence together. They’d done it since they were children - learning quickly that they had little in common, but still wanting to be together, the brothers had perfected the art of being comfortable in silence with each other.

Finally, Sirius spoke.

“You want me to stay until you fall asleep?”

“Would you?” Regulus asked, worry creasing his features. Sirius thought for a moment, only fleetingly, how much better looking he’d be when he wasn’t so burdened. 

“‘Course,” he replied, smiling and tucking the blankets tighter round his brother. 

* * *

 

It was late by the time Sirius got back to the common room. He’d dragged his feet the whole way, for some reason not wanting to get back when there might be other people left awake. He stepped through the portrait hole, pleased to see that the common room looked empty. He was about to head straight to bed when he heard a voice from near the dying embers of the fire.

“Hey,” Marlene said, standing up from her armchair and stretching. “Is everything ok?”

Sirius felt a rush of gratitude for her, and walked over. He took her hand, and smiled sadly.

“Not really,” he said, “but I think I need to lie down before I tell you. Come up?” 

“Sure,” Marlene smiled. “I’ll come to yours in 5, I just want to get my pyjamas.”

“Perfect,” Sirius said, kissing her gently on the forehead.

The two of them parted ways at the girls and boys staircases. Sirius climbed up, his limbs feeling weighty and uncomfortable. He undressed quickly, throwing on a pair of pyjama trousers and brushing his teeth. Just as he came back through into the dorm from the bathroom, Marlene stepped through the door. He gestured to the bed, putting a finger on his lips, and extinguished the lights. 

Once the usual silencing charms had been applied, they were free to talk. 

“Is Regulus ok?” Marlene asked, settling herself into the nook between Sirius’ torso and his arm.

“He’ll be alright,” Sirius sighed, “physically, at least.” 

“What happened?”

“Clearly he got in some fight in the Slytherin common room and someone hexed him. Won’t say who it was, but it was nasty - some Dark spell, McGonagall said. Left him with a load of wounds all over him.”

“God,” Marlene said, resting her hand on Sirius’ stomach. 

“It wasn’t pretty,” he grimaced. 

“And you?” Marlene asked gently. “Are you ok?”

“Me?” Sirius said gruffly. “Why wouldn’t I be ok?”

“Because you just had to go and see your estranged baby brother in the hospital wing, my love, and even you aren’t impervious to that.” 

“No,” Sirius sighed, “I guess not. I’m fine, I’m just… tired of it all.” 

“The fighting?”

“Well, yes,” Sirius acknowledged, “but more than that. I’m tired of giving so much of a crap about my brother and knowing it’s all going to mean heartbreak. What’s that saying, about insanity? _The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and hoping for a different outcome._ Maybe caring about Regulus is insanity.” 

“I don’t think so,” Marlene said, caressing Sirius’ hand. “Regardless of what happens, I don’t think loving your brother is ever going to have been insanity.”

“I wish he’d listen to me,” Sirius said bitterly. “I wish he’d listen and just stop going home. He’d find it easier not to get involved with all that wretchedness if he didn’t spend so much time with my mother.” 

“Good old Walburga, corrupting absolutely everyone,” Marlene teased.

“You joke, but you’ve not met our house elf. He’s an absolute testament to the fact that Walburga sends absolutely everyone batty.”

“Everyone except you,” Marlene said quietly. 

“Huh?”

“Everyone expect you,” she repeated. “You’re not batty.” 

“No, I’m Sirius.” 

“Oh _ha ha_ ,” Marlene swatted him on the arm, “very funny.” 

“I don’t know, though,” Sirius said, suddenly serious again. “Maybe she did turn me a bit weird.”

“How so?”

“It’s not super normal, is it? Running away from home, having basically no family, being a bit of a waif and stray. Can’t be good for me.” 

“You’ve got family,” Marlene said firmly, rolling onto her side and propping herself up so she could look him square in the eye. “You’ve got the Maruaders, and particularly James and his parents. You’ve got the girls. You’ve got the Gryffindor team. And you’ve got me.” 

“I do have you,” Sirius said softly, tucking her hair behind her ear. “And something tells me that matters most of all.” 


	11. A Cat Called Beryl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Marlene's birthday, she and Sirius have a silly fight, but then all comes right in the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken me so long to update! I've been struggling with how to finish this chapter - I had half of it written ages ago, but 
> 
> I've got 15 chapters planned for this fic, so we're coming into the home straits. As I've roughly tried to cover a month in each (give or take), there's still James' birthday, exams, holidays, and all kinds of fun to come. Thanks so much if you're still reading!

March brought rain showers, and cool spring days. The Easter holidays were approaching at the end of the month, and that meant NEWTs soon after. Stress, which had been lurking quietly below all year, now bubbled up to the surface. Montague Midgen was the first to require Madam Pomfrey’s calming draughts, after fainting in a Potions lesson and hitting his head rather hard on a cauldron when Professor Slughorn had explained they’d be doing a mock exam. 

The full moon was the first night of the month, and Sirius had been exhilarated. He didn’t like the winter - he liked being able to get out of the castle and spend time in the grounds, and being cooped up indoors because of the weather had never suited him well. The ground was softer now, as the frosts had lifted and the spring rains arrived, and Sirius was happiest gambolling with his friends through the forest, up and down hillocks and through streams, hunting out birds and rabbits to chase with Remus, or racing James up and down clearings. 

The next morning dawned fresh and bright. Sirius yawned, and dragged himself from his bed. He was usually the first to rise after the full moon - he put it down to all the adrenaline coursing through him. Sure enough, the others were still fast asleep, and by Sirius’ count, had another hour before they needed to get up and ready. He tiptoed to the bathroom and completed his ablutions as quickly as possible, before dressing and slipping from the room. In one pocket of his robes was the photo album the other Marauders had given him for Christmas, and in the other, a series of photographs he wanted to stick into some of the empty pages, to then give to Remus to add illustrations to. He thought a quick breakfast was in order, before finding some sunlit windowsill to sit on and pass the time. Slowly, he made his way down to the Great Hall. 

* * *

“Happy birthday,” came a voice in Marlene’s ear. 

“Thank you,” she smiled, looking up at Sirius. Like him, she’d risen early, and was one of the first people in the Great Hall that morning. It was always like that on her birthday - something made her wake earlier than usual. This morning, if she was honest, it wasn’t excitement, but dread that had woken her; she’d been having more nightmares about her little nephew and some horrible hooded figures in dark robes.

“How’d you sleep?” Sirius asked, sliding into the bench next to her.

“Not bad,” Marlene lied. “You?”

“Not bad,” Sirius repeated, pouring himself some orange juice. “Excited that you’ve turned the big 1-8?” 

“Not really,” she admitted with a chuckle, “it’s hardly special after coming of age last year, is it?”

“Suppose not,” Sirius grinned. “Want to see what I’ve got you?” 

“Go on then,” Marlene teased, and was pleased to see a twinkle in Sirius’ eye. He fished about in his pocket, before pulling out a box from his pocket. It was long and slim, and unusually for Sirius, didn’t have an unsightly bow attached. 

“Open it,” he smiled, and Marlene obliged. 

Lying on the velvet was a plain gold locket - _and a slightly tarnished one at that_ , Marlene thought. It looked entirely ordinary. 

“A locket?” she asked. 

“Yeah,” Sirius replied. “Actually quite a special one. It’s one of the few things I managed to knick from Grimmauld Place before I left for good.” 

“This was your family’s?” Marlene queried. It didn’t seem like Sirius to give out his family’s possessions - he hated them, didn’t he? She didn’t want to tell him that she didn’t see the significance. 

“Actually, I think it really belongs to yours,” Sirius said, and leant over. He turned the small locket over in its case, and pointed to the back. 

Sure enough, when Marlene inspected it closely, she saw the tiny engraving on the back was one she recognised very well. It was a crest, and one she had walked past almost every day of her life before she came to Hogwarts. She recognised the boar carrying the bone in its mouth, and the castle, and the ship with the three sails. It was the crest that hung in the hall of her family home. 

“How?” she frowned at Sirius. 

“I remember my father came back from an event at the ministry a few years ago,” Sirius explained. “It was when he was still on the Wizengamot, you know? I overheard him talking to my mother about buying a locket from Abraxas Malfoy that had once belonged to one Rigel McKinnon.” 

“My grandfather,” Marlene breathed. 

“He was going on about how the ‘filthy blood traitor’ had it made by goblins for his wife, but had lost it in a card game before he could give it to her. The way my father was talking-“ Sirius shook his head, both sadness and anger on his face. “It made me so furious. But, it also made me curious. It was my parting gift to my foul father to take something from him that he’d been so proud of. I’ve been saving it for you.” 

Marlene threw her arms around Sirius’ neck, nearly knocking his porridge into his lap, and causing a nearby group of fourth years to giggle behind their hands.

“Easy, Marls! You’ll have me covered in breakfast. You like it?” 

“My grandfather always was shit at cards,” she laughed, her eyes watery. 

“Well, here’s hoping that little locket reminds his granddaughter that even the most lost things can find their way home, hey?” Sirius smiled. “Now, coffee or tea?”

The two of them chatted over slow coffees and filling the crossword in that morning’s Daily Prophet. Soon enough, the rest of the Marauders and the girls joined them at the table, wishing Marlene a happy birthday and exchanging gifts. 

“Gotta run,” Sirius said, once they were all tucking into breakfast, and getting up from his seat. Marlene noticed him wink at James before he kissed her swiftly on the cheek. Before she could say anything, however, he was off, weaving his way past other students as then entered the Great Hall. 

“Oi, ladies,” James said, leaning over the table toward the girls. “Tonight, our dorm at eleven. You game?”

Marlene frowned. 

“If you’re going to prank me on my birthday, Potter,” she began, but James laughed and cut her off.

“No! C’mon McKinnon, even I’m not that cruel. No, Padfoot’s got a little surprise planned for you, that’s all.”

“Really?” Marlene frowned. “We agreed not to do anything big, because it’s yours and Remus’ birthday in a couple of weeks and there’ll be a big party then.” 

“Don’t make me spoil the surprise,” James said. “Are you coming or not?”

“Okay,” Marlene said slowly. “Where is Sirius off to, anyway?” 

“Marauders’ business,” James said, tapping the side of his nose. In actuality, Sirius was on his way to the Hog’s Head via a secret passageway, in order to procure some alcohol from the increasingly cavalier Aberforth. 

Marlene rolled her eyes. She didn’t think anyone noticed, but Lily watched her carefully, noting the set of her jaw and the tension on her face. _Something_ , Lily thought, _was not right._

* * *

“Hey, honey!” Sirius said, smiling affectionately as Marlene approached him. He was in the corner of the Gryffindor common room, as the afternoon light shone through the window and illuminated the gold leaf on the ceiling. 

“I literally haven’t seen you all day,” Marlene said, and her eyes were flashing dangerously. Sirius slowly put down the bag he’d been carrying. 

“I was getting things ready for tonight, we have a surprise planned.” 

“Which is lovely, I’ll admit,” Marlene continued, “but don’t you think I’d want to spend some time with my boyfriend on my birthday? You know, _alone_.” 

“If you’re that desperate for birthday sex, babe, all you had to do was ask,” Sirius teased, an easy grin spreading over his face. 

“For God’s sake, Sirius!” Marlene hissed. “It’s not always about sex!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sirius asked, frowning now.

Marlene sighed.

“Forget it,” she muttered. “I don’t want to talk about it here.” 

“No,” Sirius said pointedly, his jaw set, “I won’t. And if you won’t tell me here, then let’s talk upstairs.”

Before Marlene could reply, Sirius had grabbed his bag in one hand, and wrapped the other around her hand. He pulled her across the common room, ignoring the curious looks from other students. Sirius marched Marlene up the boys’ staircase, and into the dormitory. It was only occupied by Peter, who jumped when the door banged open. 

“Out!” Sirius snarled, and Peter scuttled from the room, shutting the door behind him as quickly as he could, only to have to open it again to remove his robes from where they’d got caught. Once Sirius and Marlene were finally alone, he turned to face her.

“What’s going on?” he asked. 

“What do you mean, what’s going on?” Marlene spat back, defensively. Sirius raised an eyebrow, and she blushed. 

“You’re mad at me, and I don’t know why you’re mad at me,” Sirius said, his voice dangerously quiet. 

“I haven’t seen you all day! All I wanted was a quiet birthday, like I told you, and to spend some time with you!”

“Why has this become the biggest deal in the world?” Sirius asked incredulously. “We’re going to spend time together this evening! I have everything planned, I’m-“

“You’ve got everything planned so that you and the Marauders can show off about something, as per usual!” 

Sirius looked at her, mutiny on his face. 

“Marlene,” he said, and she shuddered. She’d never heard him talk like that, sound so angry and yet so calm. “What’s going on?” 

“Why are you behaving like everything’s still a massive game, Sirius?” she cried, throwing her hands in the air. “Like everything’s not changing forever, and like this isn’t possibly the last birthday we’ll have together?”

He looked astounded, and Marlene regretted the words almost as soon as they’d left her mouth. Before she could think of anything else to do, she turned on her heel, and fled. 

* * *

Marlene threw herself down on the bed and groaned into her pillow. Lily looked up from where she was painting her nails. 

“Everything ok?” she asked. 

“No,” Marlene threw out, rolling over onto her back and staring up at the canopy above her. “I had a stupid fight with my stupid boyfriend.” 

“What are you guys fighting about?” Lily said simply, and made her way over to Marlene’s bed.

“It doesn’t matter, you’re just going to take his side,” Marlene replied, sharper than she intended. 

“How can I take his side when I don’t even know what’s happened?” Lily asked cooly. “That’s a fine high horse you’re on, Marls.” 

There was a moment of silence.

“Sorry,” Marlene breathed, “that wasn’t fair.”

“It’s ok,” Lily shrugged. “So c’mon, tell me what’s happened so I can help.” 

“I’ve not seen Sirius all day, except at breakfast,” Marlene blurted, and then the rest of the words burst out like a flood. “Then, he’s gallivanting off somewhere on some stupid fucking Marauders adventure, like that’s important, and then he’s got this silly surprise planned later that I don’t want to go to! I just want to spend a quiet evening with my boyfriend! Is that so much to ask?”

Lily looked at Marlene thoughtfully before she spoke. 

“This isn’t about the surprise, is it?”

Marlene was quiet for a second.

“No,” she admitted. 

“Then what is it?” Lily asked gently. 

“It’s stupid, you’re-“

“Don’t tell me what I am or am not going to think or do, Marls. Just tell me what it is.” 

“I’m scared I’m losing him,” Marlene whispered, and Lily was shocked to see tears in her eyes. “I don’t know why, because nothing’s really changed. Maybe that’s the problem? Maybe I thought that he’d start to be a bit more mature, think about the future a bit more, not just carry on with these silly endeavours like everything’s just a massive game! There’s bloody a war on, in case he hadn’t noticed!” 

“Is the war Sirius’ fault?” Lily asked simply.

“No.” 

“Is it Sirius’ fault that we have exams - and don’t say they’re not stressing you out, Marlene McKinnon?” 

“No.” 

“Marlene, listen to me,” Lily pressed. “Sirius loves you. He’s a sweetheart, underneath all that bravado, and you know it. He might not have hit the nail on the head this time, but it’s not for want of trying. Don’t take out your worries on him instead of talking to him about it.” 

“I hate it when you’re right.” 

Lily chuckled, but said nothing. 

“How come you and James never fight?” Marlene asked finally, and Lily laughed. 

“Oh Marls, of course we fight! We just fight differently to you and Sirius, because we’re different kinds of people.” 

“Really?” 

“Really,” Lily replied, squeezing her best friend’s hand. “You and Sirius, you’re hot blooded and passionate and opinionated and you don’t do anything in halves. That’s why your fights look different to mine and James’, not because yours happen any more often than ours.” 

“I never thought I’d see the day when you thought James Potter wasn’t hot blooded and opinionated,” Marlene teased.

“Turns out,” Lily said, “that he’s actually just a massive sulker when he’s mad. Won’t have a big argument, but will get into a mood and not talk to me.” 

“Oh my god,” Marlene groaned, “both of them are such fucking drama queens.” 

“Right?” Lily laughed. “And don’t tell me you’d prefer sulking to having a blazing row.” 

“No,” Marlene admitted, “I guess that’s true. I don’t think I could deal with that.” 

“Exactly, and I can’t bear the thought of having to actually argue about something with James, rather than just going off and giving each other the cold shoulder for a while.” 

“And they say women are complicated,” Marlene muttered. “What do you think I should do? Shall I just go to him now?” 

“Give him a bit of time to cool off,” Lily said, patting her arm. 

“Then what?”

“Well, what’s more important? Keeping up with being mad at him, or going to whatever lunatic surprise he’s got planned for you later, enjoying it even if it is bizarre, and then talking about this later?” 

“Have I told you I hate it when you’re right?” Marlene asked.

“Once or twice,” Lily laughed. “Now, come one, I’ll paint your nails.” 

* * *

Sirius was in a foul mood, and refused to come down to supper. He snapped at everyone, even Remus, when they suggested he join them, and eventually the other Marauders left him to it. His mood had calmed a little by the time they returned, and they spent a happy few hours decorating for the girls’ arrival. Sirius tried not to think about the fact that he was decorating for the girlfriend who might not actually want to be his girlfriend anymore, who seemed to have loved his thoughtful gift that morning but now thought he could do no right. As Sirius hung fairylights, he ground his teeth, torn between wanting to run to Marlene and beg her to forgive him for whatever he was supposed to have done, and never speaking to her again. 

Eleven o’clock arrived, and the boys heard a knock at the door. Remus strode over, beaming, and opened it to welcome their guests. 

“Oh!” Lily breathed, as they walked into the boys’ dorm. 

The Marauders really had outdone themselves. Sheets - probably conjured by Sirius - had been strung up between the posts of the beds, creating a little den, and were covered in fairy lights. The floor in the middle of the room was strewn with thick velvet cushions, and orbs of pale light hung in the air, suspended and glowing. Above them, one of the boys had mapped the constellations onto the ceiling - Marlene guessed it also must have been Sirius, who knew the night’s sky like the back of his hand, and she marvelled at the accuracy of it. There was food and drink in abundance - what looked like half the contents of Honeydukes, plus plenty from the Hogwarts kitchens. 

Marlene bit her lip. Sirius looked so forlorn, standing over there in the corner, his hands shoved in his pockets angrily and a heavy crease between his brows. They all looked tired, Marlene noticed, and she wondered if maybe she’d been giving them less credit than they deserved for the strain they were under. She knew, of course, she’d been too hard on Sirius earlier.

“Come on!” James cried, beaming. “Sit down!” 

Marlene thought privately that the ruddy complexion on his face might have something to do with James starting on the firewhiskey, and she looked away to stop herself laughing. Of course, in looking away, she caught Sirius’ eye and felt that horrible jump in her stomach again, as she saw his gaze harden, and he looked away.

_You fool, Marlene_ , she thought, _you total fool. Swallow your pride._

The Marauders and the girls began to sit themselves down on the floor, jostling one another as they vied for the best cushions. Sirius sat cross-legged, and was surprised when Marlene walked over and settled herself into his lap. He felt better, just for the weight of her in his lap and her back pressed against his stomach, hands resting on his knees. He breathed in the scent of her, that ever-familiar smell of apples and something floral, light.

She turned to face him, opening her mouth to speak, but he preempted her. 

“Don’t,” Sirius whispered, his eyes scanning her face, “you don’t have to apologise.”

“But-“

“Enjoy your party, Marls,” he breathed, brushing his lips against hers in the ghost of a kiss. “We’ll talk later.”

* * *

The party eventually wrapped up around three, when Remus fell asleep. It took some fifteen minutes for the other Marauders to clean up most of the mess, leaving only the empty bottles for the house elves to dispose of the next day. Lily had stayed, changing into a pair of James’ pyjamas in the bathroom and sliding into his bed. James practically raced to do the same, swiftly shutting the curtains around the bed and casting a charm.

Sirius hid a smirk as he did so, but felt a pang of regret in his stomach. It was Marlene’s birthday, and he hadn’t invited her to stay. He didn’t know why he hadn’t; maybe because he still felt like he was a mess of emotion after that afternoon’s disagreement, even if it had seemed to blow over.He’d kissed her goodnight, but he should have asked her to stay. He regretted it now. 

He changed slowly, as Peter and Remus were already fast asleep behind their own hangings, and slid between the covers, fresh from where the house elves had changed them that morning. He stared up at the canopy above him, mulling things over, trying to quieten the noises in his brain and that fuzziness from the drink. He shut his eyes, willing himself to sleep. 

An hour later, Sirius was lying on his side, still waiting for sleep to come. He jumped when he suddenly felt a small hand slide round his waist, but heard Marlene’s voice hushing him in his ear. He heard her mutter their usual silencing charms, before she buried her face into the side of his neck. 

“I’m sorry I shouted at you earlier instead of just talking to you,” Marlene said quietly. She kissed the back of his neck softly. “I freaked out and I took it out on you, and that’s not fair.”

“What did you freak out about?” 

“If I’m honest,” she sighed, “I don’t get how you can be so relaxed all the time when there’s a war on, and we’re supposed to be doing exams which simultaneously seem to be completely irrelevant and also deathly important.” 

“I’m not relaxed about it.” 

“What?” 

“Well, the exams, that’s fine. Can’t change anything on that front,” Sirius said, rolling over onto his back and snaking an arm around Marlene’s waist. “But the war, of course I’m not relaxed about that. How could you think that?” 

“Because you act like there’s not a care in the world…?” Marlene replied, and Sirius barked out a bitter laugh. 

“I’m terrified. It’s not just _the other side_ that has it in for me, it’s my family. Regulus is practically signed up already. Bellatrix is marrying Rodolphus Lestrange this summer - I found out when Andromeda wrote to me. Narcissa is married to bloody Lucius Malfoy, for God’s sake. How many of them would love to kill their blood traitor brother or cousin in the name of the Dark Lord, do you think? I imagine Walburga might find within her some iota of motherly affection - or if not, motherly duty - not to murder me next time she sees me in Diagon Alley, but it’s not really something I’d like to take a chance on.” 

Sirius scowled, before continuing. 

“And then how do you think I feel about my friends, huh? James and his parents are raging blood traitors, there’s a price on their heads, I’m sure. Peter’s a half blood, and so is Remus. Lily is Muggleborn - how the hell are we going to keep her safe? I’ve got so many questions and absolutely no answers to them, Marls.” 

He let out a deep sigh, and Marlene thought best not to interrupt him. 

“So no, I’m not relaxed. I’m absolutely, down-to-my-bones terrified about what’s going to happen when we leave Hogwarts, which is why I’m doing my best to enjoy every second of it. To be honest, my odds after leaving aren’t looking particularly fucking fantastic, darling.”

“Where do I fit in?” Marlene asked in a small voice.

“Right here,” Sirius said gruffly, squeezing her tight to his side. 

“I meant-“

“I know what you meant, Marlene,” Sirius said, cutting her off. “I don’t know why you keep needing me to spell it out for you. I love you, I want to be with you, I’m not just going to ditch you as soon as we leave Hogwarts and fly off into the sunset with some hitherto nameless and faceless other woman. Why do we need to keep going over this? I’ve changed for you, haven’t I?” 

“I’m not asking you to change, Sirius,” Marlene said fiercely. “I’m just…” she sighed. “I’m asking you to let me into your head a little more. Tonight’s the first time you’ve ever admitted to me you might not be so au fait with the raging spectre of death. It’s felt like you’ve forgotten there’s a future ahead of us. At the moment, I have no idea whether I feature in it or not.” 

“Of course I want a future with you! I want a house and a wedding and a load of fucking adorable children and maybe a cat called Beryl.” 

“Why the hell do you want to call a cat Beryl?” Marlene laughed. 

“Because it’s a hilariously stupid name for a cat, and half of my life is purely based on being hilariously stupid in order to compensate for the shitshow that is the other half.”

“You really want a house and kids and everything?” Marlene asked after a moment.

“If you do,” Sirius replied quickly, “and not for a while. When the war’s over, I want us to travel and fuck about for a bit - do all the things we’d have done if there weren’t pricks with masks running around the country.”

“Where’d we go?” 

“I’ve always fancied South America. Good wine, good food, great company,” Sirius grinned, conspiratorially. He nudged Marlene with his elbow. “Where’s all this anxiety come from, anyway?” Sirius asked, frowning. “The Marlene McKinnon I know has never needed a man to tell her what her life’s going to be like.”

“No,” Marlene said, biting on her lip, “but the Marlene McKinnon you know also hasn’t ever had you before. You’ve never been predictable, you know that.” 

“You wouldn’t love me if I was,” Sirius teased.

“No, I wouldn’t. I guess it’s the thought of all this -“ she waved a hand around, gesturing to the dorm “- coming to an end. Hogwarts, being together all the time, with everyone. We’re going to go out there and… _face it_. Everything seems like it’s crumbling around me, like it’s dissolving.”

“It doesn’t have to change so much, you know. We’ll all still have each other.” 

“You make everything sound so simple,” Marlene laughed, a little wistfully. “Like nothing can go wrong.” 

Sirius flipped their positions, pressing his body against hers. 

“I learnt something when I left home, you know,” he said, kissing her neck and feeling a jolt of excitement in his stomach when she let out a barely-audible gasp. “Sometimes spending so much time worrying about what could go wrong just leaves you paralysed. I probably could have left that wretched house long before I did if I’d just stopped worrying about all the possible things that could go wrong.” 

“When did you get so wise, hm?” 

“You know me, I’ve always been the sage of the group,” Sirius replied breezily, and Marlene snorted.

They looked at each other for a minute, clear blue meeting mischievous black. Then, Sirius spoke, more seriously than before. 

“You’re brave, Marls, you know that. Don’t doubt yourself.” 

“I know,” she said, laying her hands on Sirius’ chest and tracing her fingertips lightly over his tattoo, watching as goosebumps puckered the skin, “I know I am. That’s the problem, I know you are, too. I know we’re both going to go into this giving it our all, damn the consequences. Frankly, I can’t wait until I can wipe the smirk off of slimy Severus Snape’s face.”

“No, no,” Sirius said darkly, “Snivellus is mine.”

“Beside the point,” Marlene said. “If we’re going into this guns blazing, then I want to know we’re on solid ground. I want us to know where we stand, so we can give the bastards our absolute fucking all. _That’s_ where the anxiety is coming from. I’m not asking you to keep proving yourself to me, Sirius, I’m asking you to trust me enough so you don’t have to. We’ve both got a hell of a task ahead of us.”

Sirius scanned her face for a moment. He loved when she looked like this, all fired up with righteous anger and genuine passion, as her eyes flashed, and her cheeks glowed a little pink. _This_ is what he walked towards the day he was sorted into Gryffindor . 

“I’m all in,” Sirius said firmly. “You ever need reminding of that, you ask, okay? But no more pulling stunts like this afternoon - my poor little heart can’t take it.” 

Marlene laughed, and threaded her hands behind Sirius’ neck, pulling him towards her for a fiery kiss. 

“I _dread_ to think whether your poor little heart can handle what I’m about to do to you, then,” she whispered. 


	12. Has He Gone Mad?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang have to focus on revision, but James finds a way to make things interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so hard to write. I’ve basically put it off for months, because I needed a chapter to get us from March through April, and I just… couldn’t come up with anything? The next two chapters have basically been written since the start, but this one wasn’t playing ball. So, it’s short, and it contains the important info lol.

 

“I cannot do this, I am going to die.”

“Sirius, you say you’re going to die on a near daily basis, and from what I can tell, you’re very much still living.” 

“No, Moony, this time I’m serious, if I do any more Transfiguration revision, I’m actually going to die.” 

April had arrived, and the Marauders were holed up in the library at every opportunity. The girls had banned them from their study sessions after Sirius accidentally let off a Dr Fillibuster’s Wet-Start No-Heat Firework in his pocket when they were trying to revise Potions. On this particular morning, in the week leading up to the Easter holidays, all four of them had a free period and were determined to finish some of their Transfiguration work. 

“Do you think we could just all fail our exams and go and herd goats somewhere?” James asked, his voice muffled from where he was resting his face on his copy of _Advanced Transfiguration_. 

“Speak for yourself,” scoffed Remus, “I’m failing nothing.” He swatted Sirius’ hand away from the bag of giant chocolate buttons that he had not-so-surreptitiously been trying to steal from. 

“You won’t fail anything, Prongs,” Peter added morosely, picking compulsively at the end of his quill. “None of you will. Bet I do.”

“Nonsense, Wormtail,” replied Remus briskly. “You just need to get on and study.” 

“To be fair,” James added, sitting up, “there’s plenty of opportunities for four brave Gryffindors out there, NEWTs or no NEWTs.”

“Exactly,” yawned Sirius, looking up from where he’d been burning doodles into his parchment with his wand. “Why do we need NEWTs, anyway?”

“Because the war isn’t going to last forever, is it?” Remus quipped. 

“You’re only saying that because you’ve never had to study in your lives,” added Peter bitterly. “I won’t pass a thing, I’m sure of it.” 

“I study a lot, thank you!” exclaimed Remus.

“Yeah, but Moony, you don’t _need_ to,” Sirius grinned, ignoring Peter’s self-pitying fishing for a compliment. “You know you could walk into these exams and ace them without even opening a textbook.”

“That’s not the point.” 

“Do you think it’s going to stop raining?” James asked, staring out the window. The grounds were fresh and verdant under a light spring rainstorm.

“If it stops raining, we’re taking the afternoon off,” Sirius said firmly, holding up a hand before Remus could protest. “I, for one, am getting nothing done. I imagine an afternoon somewhere sunny with a certain young lady might… relieve some of the tension.” 

He winked, and ducked, as Remus threw the empty packet of chocolate at his head.

* * *

 

Fortunately, the weather was only improving. Sirius stole Marlene away from the library for the afternoon, ignoring her protests about Potions and Transfiguration and doing just one more hour of Charms. They meandered their way into the grounds, hands clasped together, passing by collections of students trying to study and soak up the sunshine. One group of Ravenclaws - fifth years, by the look of them - looked positively unwell, and were becoming increasingly het up over the definition of a defensive spell. Marlene and Sirius hurried past, exchanging a look as they counted their blessings that they'd been more laissez-faire about studying when they did their OWLs. 

“God, the weather’s glorious, isn’t it?” Marlene exclaimed, as she stretched out in the grass. They were down by the lake, tucked slightly away from the path under the shade of some gorse bushes. The grass beneath them was soft and cushioning, and Sirius allowed his eyes to slip closed for a moment.

“I could stay like this forever,” he murmured, lacing her fingers in with his own as they settled next to each other. Above them, the sky was dappled with fluffy white clouds - not quite a clear blue summer’s day, but getting there. Eyes open again, and far off near the horizon line, Sirius saw the unmistakable outline of a bird-of-prey, hovering over the lake in majestic tension, waiting for some unsuspecting creature to show itself. 

In the distance, Sirius spotted two extremely-recognisable figures, one with dark, messy hair and the other with long red locks. They were strolling around the lake, hand-in-hand, just along the edge of the Forbidden Forest. If it weren’t for the spot that he and Marlene were sitting in, Sirius wasn’t sure the pair would be visible to anyone at the castle. 

“Oh, is that Lily and James?” Marlene asked, following the line of his gaze. 

“Yeah, I think-“

Sirius went completely still. _He was imagining things_ , he thought, _he had to be_ \- _no way were his eyes telling him the honest truth._

“Sirius…” said Marlene slowly, her eyes wide. 

“What the fuck?” he exclaimed.

“Has he gone mad?” Marlene hissed at Sirius, as the two of them watched. 

“Only as mad as he’s always been for Evans,” Sirius muttered back, keeping his eyes on James. 

Unless their eyes were deceiving them, or unless the mild summer heat had had the same effect on their vision that midday in the Sahara would have and produced a mirage, Sirius and Marlene were almost entirely certain that they had just watched James Fleamont Potter get down on one knee and propose. What’s more, and although they couldn’t make out either Lily or James’ faces, the fast embrace that had followed suggested that Lily Joanne Evans had said yes. 

* * *

That evening, James and Sirius walked down to the Quidditch pitch, their brooms slung over their shoulders. They needed to let off some steam, and so had decided that an hour or so after supper messing about with a Quaffle was exactly what was needed. Sirius had studied both James and Lily over the supper table, but the two of them had done a remarkable job at remaining as normal as ever. There were the occasional stolen glances between the two, but that was hardly extraordinary; no ring on Lily’s finger suggested that anything even slightly interesting had happened on their walk that afternoon. As James and Sirius had stood to leave for their Quidditch, Marlene had begged off to look over her notes again, mouthing a swift _ask him_ at Sirius behind James’ turned back.

Sirius was on his broom before James, and kicked off into the still-warm evening air. He breathed deeply, inhaling the scent of the pine forests and the last of the spring flowers and the wood smoke that escaped from Hagrid’s chimney. The sky was a beautiful dappled pink. Against it, the castle was silhouetted, rising like a great, slumbering grey beast in the half-light. Sirius could see the flutter of owls going to-and-from the Owlery, dark specks against the light sky. His eyes scanned from the eastern end of the castle to the west, from Ravenclaw Tower to Gryffindor Tower. He tried to take it all in, soaking it up and cementing it in his memory for eternity. It was the last time he’d be here, as a student; the last time he’d scan the outline of the castle, from the Great Hall to the green houses, and know that it was _home_. Outside the walls of the grounds lay a world full of danger, full of adventure. 

“Ready, Pads?” called James, kicking off and soaring upwards. He’d charmed the Quaffle to stay in the air, so the two of them weren’t constantly racing back to the grass to collect it when they scored a goal. 

“Ready to kick your arse,” Sirius replied wickedly, snatching the red ball from out of the air in front of him, and racing toward the goalposts. 

They were soon enough tired and covered in grass stains from messing about with feints. The light had begun to fade after an hour or so, and they landed on the ground with windswept hair and flushed cheeks. The boys strolled back up towards the castle, their shadows - one tall and elegant, the other stocky - mingling with those cast by the buildings. 

James was quieter than usual, and hadn’t broached the subject of whether or not a proposal had taken place that afternoon. Sirius realised he was going to have to ask him outright.

“Not got anything you want to tell me then, Prongs?” Sirius asked, grinning and nudging his best friend with his elbow. 

“What do you mean?” James had gone a bright colour of puce.

“Oh yeah, _subtle_ ,” Sirius laughed. “C’mon, ‘fess up, Marlene and I saw you and Lily by the lake this afternoon."  
  
“God damn it,” James muttered, “I thought there was no one around.” 

“Sadly not. So, was it what we thought it was?” 

“Yeah,” said James finally. “I asked her to marry me.” 

Sirius let out a yelp of joy, and pulled James into a bear hug, ruffling his already-mussed hair.

“Alright, alright!” James laughed, shoving Sirius away as he grinned. “But no telling anyone! I want to do it when the time’s right.”

“Do your parents know?”

“Owled them this afternoon, as soon as she said yes. Obviously my mother sent a very weepy letter back,” said James, barely containing his joy. 

“Fucking superb, Prongs,” Sirius barked, clearly thrilled, and James let out a hoot of glee. The two of them grinned at each other, unsure what to say as they walked. 

“You’ll be best man, right?” James asked after a moment, his face serious. 

“My man,” Sirius beamed, slinging his arm around James’ shoulders, “of course I will.” 


	13. Give Them Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Leavers' Ball is upon us, and Sirius has a surprise for his friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our penultimate chapter, folks! It’s a bumper one, so plenty to read. I think this is my favourite chapter I’ve written. I actually wrote this midway through the fic, as I woke up one night and couldn’t stop thinking about how this would play out.
> 
> Lily and James get it on, finally, and it’s all very cute and sweet etc. See end notes for this one!

It was the end of May, the day of the Leavers’ Ball, and the weather was glorious. The sky was that kind of cornflower blue that only comes in the height of summer, and there was not a cloud in the sky. Students from every year of the school had flocked down to the Black Lake to sunbathe, taking with them food and drink and little radios for music. The sun glittered on the water, like a sea of diamonds stretching as far as the eye could see. Every now and then, the surface would break, and the Giant Squid would rise out of the water, dramatically flopping back in and splashing those closest to the water until they threw it some of their snacks. 

“Bloody drama queen, that squid,” Sirius said, chucking a bit of orange peel into the lake. He and Marlene had settled themselves slightly further away from the rest of the students on a grassy outcrop, under a tree covered in tiny white flowers. Sirius had his back against the trunk with Marlene’s feet in his lap, as she stretched out on the blanket they’d brought and rested her head against Sirius’ backpack. 

“Takes one to know one,” she replied. 

“Rude.” 

“Do they always stare like that?” Marlene asked, nodding toward a group of second year girls who had parked themselves a little way away, and kept looking over their shoulders in a most conspicuous manner at Sirius, before turning around and giggling.

“What? Oh, yeah. A lot of the time, anyway,” he shrugged.

“I’m surprised your ego isn’t even bigger than it is already, with all that attention,” Marlene teased.

“Oh,” Sirius said with a roll of his eyes, “like you can talk! We moved earlier because those third years wouldn’t stop looking up your skirt at your knickers when you lay down.”

“It’s hardly my fault that boys can’t control themselves.”

“Don’t blame them, though,” Sirius said with his eyes sparkling, as he put another segment of orange in his mouth, “I also like looking at your knickers. Preferably on the floor of my bedroom.” 

“You’re disgusting,” Marlene quipped, throwing her own bit of orange peel at Sirius’ head. He ducked, laughing.

“Absolutely wasn’t what you were saying last night when I had my head between your legs, Miss McKinnon.” 

“No,” Marlene said with a wry smile, catching his eye as she seemed to reminisce on the previous night’s events, “it wasn’t.” 

Sirius grinned in response, also casting his mind back. They’d spent the evening playing a pick-up game of Quidditch with their friends, making the most of the summer light. Grass-stained and laughing, they’d returned to Gryffindor Tower to sit in the common room, talking until the small hours. It had got rather rowdy at times, as they finished the last of their personal stashes of drink and Honeydukes sweets. Remus and Peter had retired first, followed by James and Lily, who had kissed chastely at the parting of the staircases to their respective dormitories. Sirius, Marlene and Mary had stayed up for a while, eventually playing a drinking game together before Mary had made her way to bed, too. 

The light had gone, and with no fire due to the summer heat, they’d sat together in the darkness. Sirius had his arm round Marlene’s back, and she had taken his hand, playing with his fingers. It was one of those moments where there wasn’t really a need to talk; being in each other’s presence seemed to just intrinsically say everything. 

“Come to bed with me,” Sirius had finally whispered in her ear. She hadn’t needed to say anything back. They’d risen together, Sirius taking her small hand in his large one, and slowly climbed the staircase. Crossing the messy dorm quietly had been somewhat of a challenge, but they’d managed it without waking any of the others, and cast their usual charms around the bed. 

It had been different. It wasn’t the passionate pulling off of each other’s clothes, desperate for the feel of each other’s body; equally, there hadn’t been the battle of tongues and biting of lips. The kisses had been sweet, and as Sirius had made his way down her body, he’d whispered gentle nothings between kisses, until he brought forth a torrent of words from her as he’d hit that sweet spot. The sex, afterwards, had been different too - not rough and fast like they usually wanted it, but gentle, every move made with meaning. He said it every time, but last night he’d meant it more than ever - it really had been the best. 

“What time is it?” Marlene asked, pulling him from his thoughts as Sirius rested his hands on her shins. He rotated his wrist slightly, looking at his watch. 

“Two thirty, why?”

“Oh thank goodness. Lily says we have to get together in the dorm at _three thirty_ to start getting ready.” 

“Good God, how long do you all need?” Sirius exclaimed. 

“I think the others have approximately seventy-four outfit options to discuss. I, meanwhile, have one, so it had better look good.” 

“Excited to see you in this dress tonight,” Sirius said. 

“Hope you like it,” she replied, fiddling with a piece of grass. 

“I will.”  
“How’d you know?” 

“Because I love you,” Sirius said simply, uncharacteristically unguarded. “You could wear a sack and I’d still want to tear it off you and ravish you.” 

“Well yeah, because sacks are really scratchy, and-“  
  
“Trying to have a moment here, McKinnon,” he growled. 

“I joke, I joke,” she laughed, before stilling, becoming serious. “I love you too, you know that.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” 

“C’mere then,” Sirius said, jerking his head. “Prove it.” 

“What, and make all those second years jealous?” Marlene teased as she pushed herself up and into Sirius’ lap. She rested her hands at the back of his neck, as he put his on either side of her waist.

“Oh,” Sirius whispered, as they rested their foreheads together, “I think they’ll live.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” 

* * *

Away from the lake, and back at Gryffindor Tower, James pulled Lily closer to him. They’d gone for a walk after lunch, strolling hand-in-hand in the summer sunshine. Lily had taken him to see some of the plants in the greenhouses - she thought they were adorable, fuzzy little things, and often waxed lyrical about how amazing magical plants were in comparison to Muggle ones. Then, slowly, their feet had found their way back to the empty common room. 

One thing had, of course, led to another. They’d fooled around before - quite a bit, actually - but James had always been reticent to push Lily into doing anything. They had their whole lives ahead of them together, what was the rush? And yet, there they were, racing up the stairs to the boys’ dormitory, with James’ shirt abandoned in one of the armchairs by the fireplace, and Lily’s blouse utterly undone. 

Lily reached the dorm before he did, and James entered to find her perched on the edge of his four-poster bed. Her eyes were wide, doe-like. She was a dainty thing, but gave off such a powerful aura that James hadn’t ever felt overpowering next to her. But now, as he crossed the room and came to a stop before her, he felt like he was bursting out of his skin, bearing down over her, barely contained. 

“Like what you see, Potter?” Lily teased, raising an eyebrow and biting her lip. 

“Yeah,” grinned James, “I do.” 

James surged forward. His lips met hers, and they fell backwards onto the bed, bodies pressed hard against each other, every movement full of lust and love and _possibility._ Hands flew to buttons, to zips, and clothes were discarded in a pile upon the floor. James pulled back for a moment, closing the heavy velvet drapes around the bed and muttering silencing charms - less for their modesty than for the sake of anyone who might walk in. Turning back, he surveyed Lily, lying there before him.

James couldn’t bear it, there was just so much of her to look at and touch. He ran his hands over her soft skin on her legs, marvelling at its creaminess. He revelled in the slight dimples where her thighs met her backside. After all those years waiting, having her turn him down over and over, she was here, in his bed, laid out like a Venus Victrix. He felt like he couldn’t breathe with the way she was looking at him so expectantly. 

James paused. 

“I want to, James,” Lily said softly. “Trust me, I want to.” 

“I know,” he replied. 

“I mean, I have _no_ idea what I’m doing, obviously.”

“Neither do I,” James grinned awkwardly, avoiding her gaze.

“I thought…” Lily trailed off. James shook his head, blushing fiercely. 

“It’s always been you,” he said softly. 

Lily couldn’t work out if it was possible for someone’s heart to simultaneously melt and burst, but that’s what it felt like was happening. She couldn’t articulate what she wanted to say, how she felt - lust, sure, but also regret for all those years wasted, sorrow for all the aspersions she’d cast on his character, love for the him, the man he’d become. 

“Well then, James Potter, I guess we’re amateurs together, aren’t we?” she said with a smile. 

“Guess so,” he grinned back. 

* * *

Six o’clock arrived, and the Marauders gathered in the common room. Their fellow Gryffindor seventh years were there, too, milling around and having a drink before they headed down to the ball. The boys had grabbed chairs near an open window, evening sun streaming in, and were sharing a bottle of firewhiskey. James kept glancing towards the stairs to the girls’ dormitory nervously. 

“Do you think they’re coming?” he asked for what seemed like the seventh time that minute.

“Prongs, mate,” Sirius said, clapping a hand onto his shoulder, “they’re not going to stand us up. This isn’t a first date, they’re our _girlfriends_.” 

“Right, right.” 

“What’s going on with you?” Sirius asked, frowning. 

“Lily and I…” James paused, trying to form the words he needed.

“Lily and you what?” 

“Swear to God if you tell me she’s pregnant as well as your fiancée, I’m gonna kill you,” Remus muttered. 

“No, no!” James said with a laugh. 

“Then what?” 

“You know… did the deed.” 

“Yes, my man!” Sirius grinned. “When?”

“This afternoon,” James blushed.

“Worth the wait, eh?” Sirius winked conspiratorially. 

“Honestly, that was a lot of fuss over something we didn’t really need to know,” Remus added, inspecting his fingernails. 

“Alright, Moony, just because you’re not getting any,” Sirius teased.

“Who says I’m not?” Remus replied, with a raised eyebrow. 

Sirius stopped, looking at him. 

“Maybe I ended up giving Emmeline Vance another chance, if you get my meaning,” Remus said cooly, but his face cracked into a grin. 

“You minx, Remus Lupin!” James said, laughing. “Keeping secrets from your fellow Marauders is below the belt, I must say.” 

“Not the only thing below the belt,” Sirius chuckled.

“ _That_ ,” Remus said, thumping Sirius’ arm, “was a terrible joke.” 

“Now we just need to find a beauty for old Wormtail here, and we’ll have made the set,” James said, putting an arm round Peter’s shoulders. 

“I hasten to add, I am not dating Vance,” Remus said quickly. “It’s purely a business arrangement.”

“Business arrangement,” Sirius snorted, “you’re starting to sound like me, old boy.” 

“It is! No feelings, no strings,” Remus said.

“Yeah, let me guess, you talk about books and say thank you afterwards and you’ve been doing it in that office on the seventh floor that no one uses anymore because it smells overwhelmingly of hydrangeas?” 

“… how’d you know?”

Sirius scoffed incredulously. 

“ _Please_ , like I don’t know all the places in this castle where a gentleman can take a lady, Moony, and _you_ are incredibly predictable. Should have spoken to me though, could have told you all the places to go that don’t smell like your grandmother’s parlour.” 

“Fuck, I should have done - I’ve been getting migraines.” 

Sirius laughed.

“That’s what you get for keeping secrets, my friend.”

“Look out,” Peter interrupted, nodding towards the girls’ staircase. Dorcas was the first to appear, wearing a very pretty red dress, pearls in her ears and at her neck. She’d agreed to be Peter’s date to the ball, after he awkwardly asked her in the library in all one sentence, turning a colour of magenta Sirius hadn’t thought possible. Peter beamed when he saw her, and stumbled over to offer her an arm for the short walk over to the sofa. _Poor bastard,_ Sirius thought, catching James’ eye and knowing that his best friend was thinking the exact same thing. 

Next was Mary, who had walked straight up to Remus outside Charms one day and informed him that he was taking her to the ball, in the most outright _Mary_ way. The look on Remus’ face had been a picture, before he had grinned and agreed. The night previously, she’d handed him a tartan bow tie, and informed him in no uncertain terms that he’d be wearing it tomorrow, or feel her wrath. She walked into the room in a little black number, matching tartan sash around her waist, and her light brown hair pinned prettily back. Remus smiled at her, as she waved cheerfully at him. 

Lily came after Mary, descending the final steps gracefully. Sirius thought he could quite literally hear James’ breath escape him. She wasn’t his type, but she was certainly a beautiful young woman, and tonight was no exception. She was wearing a long green dress, complimenting her startling eyes, that sat off her shoulders and displayed her delicate collarbones. James rushed to her side, no doubt whispering sweet nothings when he bent to speak in her ear. 

Then, there she was, the last to come down. Sirius grinned as he watched Marlene hurriedly trying to finish putting an earring in as she came down the stairs, holding her clutch between her teeth. _Never change,_ he thought. She was wearing a midnight blue dress, which he vaguely remembered from a conversation in the library months previous. It was simple, with thin straps over her shoulders and a long, flowing skirt, and she looked truly breathtaking. He walked over to meet her, savouring the sight of her.

“You look-“ he began, but she cut him off, thrusting her clutch at him.

“Hold that, will you?” she said absentmindedly, and bent down to do the clasps up on her heels. She struggled with one of them, and Sirius bit back the urge to offer to help. Finally, Marlene stood upright, her face slightly red from being bent over, and flipped her hair over her shoulder.

“God, that’s a faff,” she said breezily. Sirius was still standing there, just looking at her, pleasure on his face. “What?”

“You look phenomenal,” he said deliberately, giving her a swift peck on the lips. 

“Well, thanks,” she beamed, “you don’t scrub up so badly yourself.” 

“You want a drink?” he pointed towards a table laden with bottle s, which had been brought up by the house elves earlier in the afternoon. 

“ _God_ , yes,” she muttered, taking his hand and dragging him over to the table. “Honestly, you have no idea how stressful it is getting ready with those three.” 

“Really?”

“We’ve had, at last count, three outfit changes each, countless different shoe options, and God only knows how many times Mary had to re-do Lily’s hair.” 

Sirius laughed.

“And you?” 

“I don’t even own make up, Sirius, I had to get Lily to do it,” Marlene chuckled. “Bought a dress, bought some shoes, put them on, was ready to go.” 

“Here, you want firewhiskey, or elf-made wine, or there’s some brandy, I think, or-“

“Wine, please. White.” 

Sirius poured two glasses out, and handed her one. 

“For what it’s worth,” Sirius said, moving to stand close to her and speak low into her ear, “you look delectable in that dress. I can’t work out if I want to tear it off you, or just look at you all night.” 

Marlene smiled, her cheeks going pink.

“Really?” 

“Really,” Sirius replied, planting a firm kiss on the top of her head. “Let’s go join the others.” 

They walked back over to their friends, hand-in-hand. When she’d told him she felt the same way he did, Sirius had sworn to himself he’d never take this for granted. Sure enough, that little touch set his body alight. 

“You’re all looking lovely, ladies,” Sirius said charmingly. 

“Never thought I’d see the day when Sirius Black was in dress robes,” Mary teased. “Also, incredibly impressed that you got him to match, Marls.” 

“What?” Both he and Marlene spoke at once, looking down at their outfits. Only then did it click - her dress perfectly matched his dark blue, velvet dress robes. 

“Oh God,” Dorcas rolled her eyes, “that’s the most disgustingly cute and utterly Marlene thing in the world that you guys managed to match without even intending to.” 

“Is that a thing?” Marlene asked, taking a big gulp of her wine. 

“Very much,” Lily said, pointing to the white rose in her hair and the matching one on James’ lapel, followed by Mary’s sash and Remus’ bow tie. 

“Fascinating,” Sirius said, quite genuinely, and took a sip of his own drink. 

“Honestly, the fact that the most pureblood of purebloods didn’t know that kind of lets me off the hook here, Lils,” Marlene said, grinning. 

“Yeah, did you not have to go to dress-robes-only events with the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, Sirius?” Mary teased. 

“Do you really think I’d own these if we didn’t?” Sirius said, raising an eyebrow and pointing to his outfit. “Had to wear them at Christmas, for God’s sake, lest Walburga hexed me across the table.” 

“Your mother is a total battleaxe,” James said, sipping at his firewhiskey.

“ _That_ ,” Sirius said, “is a much more polite term than I’d use.” 

“What would you call her, then?” Lily asked.

“Spiteful, heartless wench? Cursed spawn of the underworld?” Sirius shrugged. “It really depends how I’m feeling. Half-crazed harpy is a _particular_ favourite, I have to say.” 

“Remind me never to break your heart,” Marlene said.

“Wise,” Sirius winked back. 

* * *

The ball was, like any Hogwarts event, truly magical. The marquee looked phenomenal, adorned with bouquets of flowers supposed to symbolise the school: thistles, for the Scottish Highlands where Hogwarts was situated; green cockscomb for the grounds; bell flowers for the Forbidden Forest; and dark purple irises for the lake. Round tables covered in deep purple table cloths, laden with silverware in preparation for the many courses. 

“Here,” Lily said, when they found their table. 

“These are nice,” Marlene said, gesturing to the flowers. 

“Aren’t they? I heard Sprout talking about how she’s been prepping the flowers all term for tonight,” Mary added. 

“Bless her,” Marlene smiled. “Gonna miss her, even if she is insane.” 

“Remember when she threw a mandrake at Sirius in second year cus he wouldn’t stop talking?” Dorcas laughed.

“Don’t remind me,” said Sirius darkly, as they took their seats. 

Every year, students performed between courses, offering musical additions as the piece de resistance to the scrumptious feast. Prior to the meal, as everyone had been seated at the table, a host of Ravenclaw girls had performed a haunting a cappella piece, which had brought Lily to tears, followed by a surprisingly excellent clarinet solo by a Slytherin boy. Sirius had, without informing his friends, auditioned, sitting in the empty Charms classroom in front of Professor Flitwick with his old guitar in hand. He’d thought about telling them when Flitwick had enthusiastically informed him that he’d be performing, but decided against it, slipping away instead at opportune moments to practise in the music room. 

As they finished their first course, Sirius slipped away from the table, murmuring something about needing the bathroom. Instead of turning left out of the marquee towards the bathrooms, he turned right and skirted the edge to find the side entrance, where Flitwick had arranged a small antechamber for the various performers to prepare in. His guitar was in the corner, still in its case, and he went over to it, picking it up and checking the tuning. He was nervous, something he rarely experienced. The act before him, a string quartet of Hufflepuffs, was on stage at present; the music was beautiful, certainly, but it was giving him anxiety. 

“Nervous?”

He spun around, guitar in hand. Amelia Bones was standing in the doorway, a smile on her face. She did look lovely, wearing a long silvery dress and her hair up in a complex hairstyle. 

“Lil bit,” Sirius admitted. 

“You’ll be grand. You still performing the same song?” 

“Yep,” he replied. Amelia was singing later in the evening, and had been there at rehearsals earlier in the week. She’d sworn not to mention to the others when she’d found out.

“It’s beautiful, she’ll love it.” 

“How did you…” Sirius frowned, trailing off.

“Oh, come on, Sirius,”Amelia said with a knowing smile, “anyone who hears that song knows exactly who you’re singing about.” 

Sirius blushed. Before he could respond, he heard the audience finish applauding the Hufflepuff girls, and Professor Flitwick clear his throat and announce, _our next act, Sirius Black!_

“That’s you, hun,” Amelia said, gesturing towards the curtain that led to the stage. Sirius swallowed, running a hand through his hair. “Good luck, Sirius, I know you’ll be great.” 

“Cheers, Amelia,” he replied, forcing a smile. He took a deep breath, steadying his nerves for a moment, then shook himself. _Here you go_ , he thought, and strode onto the stage. 

Back at the table, the Marauders exchanged looks as Flitwick announced the act.

“Did he just say what I think he said?” Remus asked, frowning.

“Sirius?” Lily repeated. “As in, our Sirius?”

“How many other Siriuses do you know?” James replied, before looking at Marlene. “Did you know about this?”

“Not at all,” she replied, looking as confused as the rest of them, “didn’t even know he could play guitar.” She nodded towards the stage, where Sirius had just appeared, looking incredibly nervous and clutching the neck of his guitar. The rest of the table turned, expectant. 

_Right_ , Sirius thought, as the applause from the crowd died down. He could, theoretically, run off the stage and pretend there was something wrong with the guitar, but the Marauders would _never_ let him live that down. He settled onto the stool in front of the magical microphone, checking the guitar and strumming a couple of times. _Was it always this hot?_ he thought. 

“Evening, all,” he said finally, faking affability. “This little ditty is called Lost and… well, it’s pretty self-explanatory. Hope you enjoy.” 

The crowd applauded again, with a couple of wolf-whistles from the Marauders’ table, which perked him up a little. Sirius cleared his throat. When the audience was quiet once more, he took a deep breath. _Now or never_ , he thought, and began to sing. 

_“When everything was broken,_

_The devil hit his second stride._

_But, you remember what I told you:_

_Someday, I'll need your spine to hide behind._

_For fear of moments stolen,_

_I don't wanna say goodnight,_

_But, I'll still see you in the morning,_

_Still know your heart and still know both your eyes.”_

He was definitely tense, he knew that, but it didn’t sound half-bad. He didn’t have the courage to look up just yet, still concentrating fiercely on his left hand as his fingers caught the strings. _Positive_ , he thought, _that no one’s laughing just yet._

_“I could have told you ‘bout the long nights,_

_How no one loves the birds that don't rise._

_So you can tell the heroes go hide,_

_My sense of wonder's just a little tired._

_But if only you could see yourself in my eyes,_

_You'd see you shine, you shine._

_I know you'd never leave me behind,_

_But I am lost this time._

_Are we destined to burn or will we last the night?_

_I will hold you 'til I hold you right._

_But if only you could see yourself in my eyes,_

_You'd see you shine, you shine.”_

Sirius was in the swing of it now, his fingers feeling more relaxed across the guitar strings. He loved the song, having worked on it for months - since New Year, really. Lots of evenings when he couldn’t sleep, he’d slip down to the common room, and mull over the lyrics, or refine the melody. If he was being honest, he hadn’t been fully happy with it until just the previous night, when he’d been up until all hours of the morning fretting over the song. He finally found the courage to look up, to find to his surprise an audience that seemed to be enjoying themselves. He caught the eye of Gideon Prewett on one of the Gryffindor tables closest to the stage, who was tapping his foot along with the music - Gideon smiled encouragingly. Glancing over to the right of the stage, where the curtain led to the antechamber, he noticed Amelia peeking through. She grinned, and gave him a thumbs-up. Finally, he managed to look towards the Marauders’ table, to see Lily beaming at him as James slung an arm round her. James nodded, mouthing something at him that Sirius didn’t catch. Then it was Remus, then Mary, then Peter, then _her._

_“So we'll run into the open,_

_Keep your hand inside of mine._

_And then when everything is over,_

_I hope to think of this as better times._

_The sky got red and swollen,_

_I guess I never see the signs._

_There can't be songs for every soldier,_

_It can't be solace every time you cry._

_I could have told you ‘bout the long nights,_

_How no one loves the birds that don't rise._

_So you can tell the heroes go hide,_

_My sense of wonder's just a little tired.”_

He looked right at her as he sang, and Marlene thought she couldn’t breathe. She’d heard him sing before, of course - who hadn’t, when they sang Christmas carols and they needed Sirius to hold the tune? But, not like this. This was rich and emotive; raw, even. It felt like… everything was in that song. All those late-night conversations they had, tucked into his bed, talking about the future and the war, and how they wanted to fight against Voldemort and his followers with everything they had. Talking about his family and hers, the pain it had caused him to walk out of a house that felt more like a war zone than a home. Talking about when they realised they were in love with each other, about one day getting married, about another one day having a family of their own that would only ever know love. Things they’d never let anyone else hear them discussing, but hidden away from the world and protected by silencing charms, they’d borne their souls out to each other in those words. 

_“But if only you could see yourself in my eyes_

_You'd see you shine, you shine._

_I know you'd never leave me behind,_

_But I am lost this time._

_Are we destined to burn or will we last the night?_

_I will hold you 'til I hold you right._

_But if only you could see yourself in my eyes,_

_You'd see you shine, you shine._

_I was lost 'til I found you;_

_Now these songs will hold and hide your name._

_All it was, was all about you._

_Since that night, the moon has never seemed the same.”_

In that moment, Sirius would later reflect, they’d seemed infinite. The rest of the marquee seemed to just melt away, out of view, as he looked at Marlene. She really did look resplendent in that midnight blue dress, her hair dazzling. She’d said Lily had done her make up and well, _God bless Lily_ , Sirius mused. It felt like just the two of them, the most intimate thing in the world, as he sang and his hands moved across the guitar, pouring out his heart for her in every syllable. He only broke her gaze at the very last verse, checking the shape of his fingers in preparation for the final chords. 

_“But if only you could see yourself in my eyes,_

_You'd see you shine, you shine._

_I know you'd never leave me behind,_

_But I am lost this time._

_What if the love you deserve is love you never find?_

_I’ve learned in love and death we don’t decide._

_But if only you could see yourself in my eyes,_

_You'd see you shine, you shine.”_

Silence. Sirius could barely look up, terrified that it meant that he’d been a total embarrassment. Then, as if like a flood, the room erupted in applause. The loudest cheers came from the Gryffindor tables, of course, but even the other houses were on their feet, clapping and cheering. The only exception, of course, was one Slytherin table, where sat the usual suspects: Snape, Lestrange, Avery, Dolohov, and their compatriots. Sirius beamed at the response to the song. He could have stood there for hours, soaking it in, if it weren’t for Professor Flitwick poking him in the hip and pushing him off stage. Elated, Sirius returned to the antechamber, stowing his guitar away. He made his way back round to the front of the marquee and to his place at the table. 

“That was INCREDIBLE!” Lily exclaimed as soon as he took his seat next to Marlene. He grinned sheepishly as the main course began to appear on their plates. Under the table, he felt Marlene’s hand grab his and squeeze it tight. 

“Why didn’t you tell us you were that good, you prick?” James asked. 

“You know I like to mess around on a guitar or piano every now and then,” Sirius shrugged.

“How long did it take you to write?” Mary asked. 

“You know, not long.” 

“ _That_ ,” Remus said, “is about as convincing as when you say you _know a guy_.” 

“Alright, alright,” Sirius admitted, “I’ve been working on it since January. I wasn’t really finished until last night, to be honest, but I think it turned out alright.” He was blushing from the attention from his friends, something that really was unlike him. 

“It was fantastic,” Marlene said quietly, and Sirius turned to her.

“Yeah? You think so.”  
  
“Yeah, I do,” she replied with a smile. 

“What’s it, you know, _about_?” Peter asked, his mouth full of mashed potatoes. 

Sirius laughed as Remus groaned and rolled his eyes.

“Well, Wormtail, old chap, it’s about being lost and finding the person, or the people, that guide you through the storm.” 

Peter’s eyes were wide.

“Wow,” he said softly. 

“Remarkable,” Mary said.

“What is?” 

“Well,” she waved a hand, “I never thought you were quite so capable of _feeling_ , Sirius.” 

The group laughed, Sirius included.

“Trust me,” Marlene said, resting her hand on the back of Sirius’ head and threading her fingers through the soft curls that met his neck, “this one is softer than you think.” 

“Marlene,” Sirius said in a stage whisper, “you’re really ruining my street cred here.” 

* * *

The meal continued, and the students were treated to even more surprises of talent from among their peers. Amelia’s song, performed just before dessert, had been spectacular; _she really did have a lovely voice_ , Marlene thought. Finally, after the last plates had been cleared, and glasses had been once more topped up with wine and mead, Dumbledore took to the stage. The room fell silent, as the wizard - dressed, that evening, in blue robes that twinkled and glittered in the candlelight - cleared his throat.

“Good evening,” he began, smiling around the room, “and I hope you have managed to gorge yourselves on the delights of the wonderful Hogwarts kitchen as much as I have this evening. The treacle tart was, by the way, scrumptious, although it has obviously all now gone so you will be unable to sample it, which is a pity, because it really was sublime…” 

“Love him, but what is he talking about?” Sirius whispered in Marlene’s ear, and she giggled. 

“Regardless,” Dumbledore said, waving a hand, “that is unimportant. What is important is the reason we have gathered here this evening, the celebration of seven years of study together. You arrived here as such little things, and now, look at you! I’m sure you never thought on that first day, arriving here on the Hogwarts Express, that you would meet the very best friends of your lives. You might have met future husbands and wives, perhaps, but one thing is for certain - no matter where you came from, wizard or Muggle stock, happy or no, you have found your family here.” 

Sirius looked at the Marauders, grinning as James caught his eye. Dumbledore was right - he’d arrived at Hogwarts and immediately exchanged his awful family for a new, much better one. The Sorting Hat had barely touched the top of his ears before it had shouted _Gryffindor_ , and he had rushed to the table to be greeted by his new housemates. In that moment, as he had walked away from a life in Slytherin surrounded by Blacks and Crabbes, Malfoys and Lestranges, and towards a Gryffindor table stuffed with Weasleys and Prewetts, McKinnons and Longbottoms, he had been marking out a new family with every step. As soon as James, Remus and Peter had joined him, he’d had brothers. The girls had become like sisters to him, expect for Marlene, who was… well, _Marlene._

“The world, however, is different to how it usually is when I give this speech,” Dumbledore continued, and a marked change in the silence of the room took place. “For some years now, I have had to temper my comments on the great opportunity that awaits you with a warning about what is to come.” Dumbledore took a moment to collect his thoughts, before continuing. “You leave Hogwarts as witches and wizards of your own right, to make of the world what you will. No longer will you be understood as Gryffindors, or Hufflepuffs, or Ravenclaws, or Slytherins.” The wizard paused for a moment, scanning the various tables. Sirius could have sworn he lingered longer at Snape’s table than the others. “No, there is no Sorting Hat outside the walls of this castle that will tell you who you are, or direct you where to go. There are no rules to break where an evening’s detention in the Forbidden Forest is your only punishment.”

The silence in the room was now so thick, you could cut it with a knife. 

“When you leave here, you will always have your Hogwarts family. But, you will also be asked to make a choice, a choice of good and evil, of right and of wrong.For some years now, Dark forces have been gathering across the country, and the globe, which seek to destroy everything that you have held dear about your time here at Hogwarts. They may very well seek you out to aid them. Therefore, as you leave here, I ask you to reflect on not just your time at Hogwarts, or who Hogwarts has made you. I also ask you to think about who Hogwarts might still help you to become, about the very best of this place that you might take with you to guide you in right action. Might you be brave and courageous like Godric Gryffindor, with nerves of steel? Perhaps you are to become like Helga Hufflepuff, hardworking and patient, just and loyal? May you perhaps be akin to Rowena Ravenclaw, creative and learned? Or, are you to be as Salazar Slytherin was, ambitious and resourceful? What part of Hogwarts’ legacy might you be?”

“That’s the nicest way to describe Slytherin I’ve ever heard,” James muttered to the table. 

“Just something to think on. Now!” Dumbledore finished, breaking a little the icy cold that hovered over the room. “I believe we are to have dancing, and mark my words, Professor McGonagall and I shall outdo you all! Pip pip!”

“Bloody hell,” Marlene breathed, as life began to emerge back in the room. “That made me want to turn my skin inside out.” 

“We all know who he was talking about,” Sirius said darkly. “Right or wrong, good or evil, and the best thing he could say about Slytherin was that he was _resourceful._ ”

“There are nice Slytherins,” Remus said, not sounding like even he believed his own words. 

“Really?” James asked, eyebrows raised. “You met them, then?” 

“Well… no,” Remus admitted, “but in theory there must be. Isn’t it the same as what they’re doing if we assume that everyone from a certain category is awful?” 

“It’s hardly the same. I don’t like Slytherins, Moony, but I’m also not advocating expunging them from the earth,” Sirius said pointedly. “Everyone in my family is in Slytherin.” 

“Well, that’s half the point. Isn’t your cousin decent, and she’s a Slytherin?” Remus asked.

“Who? Oh, Andromeda? Yeah, she’s alright, she married a Muggleborn.”  
  
“Exactly,” Remus continued, “and she was a Slytherin.” 

“Well, I guess you have a point there, Moony,” James mused. Sirius, as usual, had clammed up at the mention of his family.   
  
“All I’m saying is that if we go too far down that road, we’ll end up like them.” 

“I’m never ending up like them,” Sirius said, biting back the urge to shout. “I walked away once, Remus, I’m not going back.” 

“No,” Marlene said gently, running her thumb over his knuckles, “you’re not going back. I think Remus was, as per usual, just being a total dad.” She gave Remus a wry smile. 

“Very much the group dad,” he said. 

“Yeah, you’re right,” Sirius sighed. “Now, they’ll be wanting us to shift so they can move the tables for dancing. Anyone want to head to the bar?”

“ _Excellent idea_ ,” James said. 

* * *

The marquee was very hot, and very loud. Marlene had been with the girls, gratefully drinking cold glasses of gillyweed gin with tonic water and plenty of ice. 

“Hey,” Sirius’ voice spoke in her ear, “want to get a bit of air?” 

“Absolutely,” she replied, turning and following him out of the marquee. 

The air was still warm, even now the sun had gone down, and they walked together towards a rose garden maze that had been conjured for the event, arms wrapped around each other. As they traced the paths, looking for a place to sit, they passed other couples - Marlene recognised both Dorcas and Gideon Prewett, locked fiercely in a kiss, and stifled a giggle as she and Sirius rushed past.

“He really likes her,” she whispered, when they were out of earshot.

“Really?” Sirius replied.

“Uh-huh,” she nodded, “he told me when we broke up.” 

Then, there was a couple of Hufflepuffs Marlene didn’t know by name, then Alice and Frank, whispering to each other in the darkness, and Emmeline Vance cosied up to a very drunk Ravenclaw - Sirius made a mental note of the last one. At one point, they even passed what looked like one of Sirius’ second cousins, a year too young to be at the ball and obviously having snuck out of the castle, with her arms wrapped round Dolohov. Sirius grimaced, and hurried them along. 

Finally, well away from anyone else, they found a bench. The roses around them smelled divine, and fireflies flitted in the air in front of their eyes. Sirius reached round and pulled a large pink tea rose from the bush, lifting it up to his nose, before tucking it into her hair behind her ear. 

“You are divine, you know that?” he said, taking Marlene’s chin and kissing her briefly. “Pretty certain you were what they had in mind when naming roses.”

“Not so bad yourself, either,” she grinned. “And that, by the way, was such a line.” 

“Just keeping things fresh, McKinnon, I wouldn’t want to be at that point where we stop flirting with each other.” 

“God forbid.” 

“I’ve had a good time tonight. You?” 

“The song…” she drifted off.

“You liked it?”

“Of course I liked it, my love,” Marlene said back, brushing the hair from his eyes.

“Obviously it was about you.” 

“Oh, yeah? Hadn’t worked that one out,” she quipped, and Sirius laughed. 

“I just wanted you to be sure, that’s all. I started writing it after New Year, and… well, everything that’s happened after New Year.” 

“Loved every minute of it, almost as much as I love you,” she said, resting her chin on Sirius’ shoulder. 

“Love you too,” he grinned back, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“Even if you drive me bananas ninety percent of the time.” 

“Talking of bananas, I’ve got something for you,” Sirius said, fishing around in his dress robes’ pockets until he found what he wanted. He handed her the small, velvet box. “It’s not what you think,” he said quickly, noticing the look of abject terror on her face. “Just open it and I’ll explain.” 

Marlene nodded, and swallowed. She popped open the box, and there, on the satin inside, was a ring. It was delicate, a gold band with three small raw sapphires on the top of it. She looked up to Sirius’ face, scanning it for explanation, her heart thundering in her chest. 

“It was part of the stuff my Uncle Alphard gave me, after I left my parents,” he said. “He told me… he said he’d meant it for this girl, you see, but she married someone else before he got the chance to give it to her.” 

“It’s beautiful, Sirius,” she breathed, “but-“

“Look, neither of us know what’s going to happen… out there. You and me, we’re not like James and Evans. If I asked you to marry me when there’s a war going on, you’d laugh me out of the room.” 

“I would,” Marlene chuckled.

“But, I wanted to give you something, to tell you, you know, that I meant it.” 

“Meant what?”

“That I’m all in.” Sirius angled his body towards her, looking her in the eye. “And if it doesn’t work out, you can keep it, or if something happens to me,” he began, but his voice cracked. Marlene reached out and laid a hand on his. “If something happens to me, I wanted you to know that I meant it, every word.” 

“Promise me you’ll be careful, please,” Marlene whispered, her eyes filling with tears. 

“You know I can’t do that,” Sirius said softly. “I can’t make that promise, and I’m not going to ask you to, either.” 

“Then what?”

“Let’s promise,” Sirius said, his voice hoarse, “promise that whatever happens, we’ll do the right thing. You and I both know how easy it’d be for us to just slip away into the night with the benefit of being pureblood. I love you so much, and it’d be the easiest thing in the world, but it’s not the _right_ thing. We have to fight, and fighting isn’t careful. But, we can’t go into this scared that putting our lives on the line is letting each other down, because it’s not.” 

Marlene nodded, unable to conjure words. The thought of losing Sirius made her heart ache, the air evaporate from her lungs. 

“Promise me that if they come for you, you’ll give them hell, Marls.” 

There was a moment of pause before she spoke, as much to him as to herself, and her voice was as strong and steady as it had ever been. 

“I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there’s nothing in canon about a Leavers’ Ball, but it felt right for them to have some kind of send off, and I needed a way of including the song that wasn’t just Sirius singing it to Marlene randomly somewhere because that actually makes me want to die. I also love the idea of Marlene basically not really being into make up etc. and then accidentally managing to match Sirius because they’re so darn cute. 
> 
> I also think that it’s nice to give Remus the opportunity til be a bit of a player - he’s an 18 year old boy (who’s gone through a lot, don’t get me wrong) and sometimes I think there’s a tendency to write his later self (post PoA) onto who he was as a teenager. Experimenting with girls but keeping it hush-hush seems like something he might very well do.  
> The song Sirius sings is the one that inspired this fic, ‘Lost’ by Dermot Kennedy - for the purpose of the fic, imagine he wrote it. You can find it on Spotify, Youtube etc. but if you’re looking for a stripped version (as I imagine it’s performed by Sirius), then this one is perfect. Lost by Dermot Kennedy


	14. Epilogue: Lead the Way, McKinnon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Epilogue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter, and I have absolutely loved writing this - I mentioned this to someone previously, but this is the first time I’ve written fan fiction in a genuine decade. It’s been the way I’ve got out of my creative rut and been able to write my own stuff for the first time in an age, too, so I really appreciate the positive feedback from everyone. I wrote this first, and then built the rest of the fic around it - and yes, I definitely welled up writing that last line. 
> 
> Seeing that there's nothing in canon about the wizarding afterlife really, I obviously have taken major liberties here. 
> 
> I will be taking a wee break, but then I’ll be back writing more Blackinnon!

It was like a cool breeze passed through his body, gently seeping into his skin. Everything was silent, but not the kind of silence that usually made Sirius Black uncomfortable, wary. No, this was the kind of silence that exists between the end of an orchestral performance and the audience’s applause, or between the final word of a book and closing the back cover; warm and rich and full. 

Sirius opened his eyes, to find himself standing in a small glade. The light was different, brighter and yet softer all at once. The trees reminded him of the Forbidden Forest, only with nothing sinister about them. He looked around, confused but not afraid. There was a chorus of daffodils growing at the base of one of the trees, riotously yellow. He walked towards them, noticing bluebells and crocuses nearby, too.

And there _she_ was. 

Standing in between the trees a way ahead, standing and waiting for him, standing and looking as though she hadn’t changed a bit from the last time he saw her, all those years ago. The long, blonde curls still foamed down her back. Those blue eyes that danced with mischief when she laughed, that hardened like diamonds when she was angry. The same lips like petals - what was it he’d always said about her lips after he’d kissed them until they were swollen? _They had you in mind when they named the rose._

He felt as though his heart was cracking and breaking within his chest. He shut his eyes again, willing himself to wake up so as not to torture himself anymore with the perfect vision in front of him. So perfect that it was painful, too much to bear, a cruel joke. 

When he opened his eyes again, he was still standing in the glade, but she was walking towards him. Her long legs looked just as they had done, as did the nip of her waist. Seconds later, she was in front of him, and he could see every inch of her, every feature exactly the way it had been the last time he saw her. He could count the freckles on her nose, could hear her breathing. 

“It’s been a long time, Sirius,” she said softly. 

“Marlene,” he said, his voice barely more than a whisper. She nodded, smiling, and reached to lay a hand on his cheek. Sirius leant his head into the touch, feeling the soft skin against his. It was the same, it was just the same. 

“I suppose you’re wondering where you are,” she said knowingly. He nodded, searching her face for answers. 

“You passed through, my love,” Marlene continued gently. “Bellatrix used the Killing Curse, and you passed through the veil. I’m here to get you.”

“Have you been here all this time?” he croaked. “Waiting?”

“There’s no time here, not really,” she said. “Not like back there, anyway. Here, it passes as quickly or as slowly as you like.” Marlene gestured around her. “Everyone’s entry point looks different. Mine was a beach.” She caressed his cheek again, and then ran a thumb over his lips. 

“I’ve watched you,” she said softly, and pointed towards a pond in the corner of the clearing, Sirius following her finger with his eyes. From where they stood, Sirius could see figures and shapes moving on the surface of the pond. Sirius realised what it was immediately, like the knowledge had always been in his mind and it had simply been retrieved. He turned back to face her. 

“James? Lily?” he asked, struggling to form the question he wanted to ask.

“They’re here, don’t worry,” Marlene replied, laying a hand on his chest to soothe him. Sirius noticed on her hand she wore the ring he’d given her, so long ago. “We’re all here.”

“How long can I stay?” Sirius asked, terrified of the answer but desperate to know the truth. 

“Forever, my love,” Marlene explained. “The thread with the old life has been cut, you can’t go back. Here, it’s like waking up every day and it being Christmas morning, or like realising you’re in love. Being here is the easiest thing in the world. When we walk up to the castle, and go through the gates, everything will make sense.”

“The castle? Are we at Hogwarts?”

“No,” she said with a smile, “somewhere even better than that.” 

“Will we grow older?” 

“No. When we’re here, we see each other as we truly are. We see each other at the point when we became our whole selves.” 

Sirius looked down at his hands, struggling to understand, and noticed with surprise that they looked younger. The tattoo from Azkaban was gone from his wrist, as were the scars from years of harsh living. 

“Twenty-one,” Marlene said simply. “You’re twenty-one again. Same as me.”

“The age I was when… when you…”

“When I left,” she finished for him. 

“I… I couldn’t bear it,” Sirius said, softly, twirling one of her blonde curls round his index finger. “You know that kids’ story, about the three brothers?”

“Yes,” Marlene said, brown furrowed in confusion. 

“You don’t know how many times I thought about that after… after you went. Thought about pulling a stunt like the second brother. Just… ending it all so I could see you again. I came pretty close.” 

“Gave them hell, just like you told me to. We took five Death Eaters with us that night.”

Sirius nodded, thinking back to the agony of losing her.

“You always were phenomenal. What I wouldn’t have given to have gone with you that night, you know.” 

“We both know why you needed to stay,” Marlene said with a gentle smile. “Harry needed you."

“How old are James and Lily?”

“Twenty. It’s how old they were when-“

“When Harry was born,” Sirius finished. 

“Uh-huh,” Marlene nodded, looking at Sirius as though she knew him as he really was, as though there was nothing to explain or ask or question. Where before that would have terrified him, in that moment, it made complete and utter sense. Again, like primordial knowledge pulled from a depth he didn’t know he had, it simply clicked. With that, Marlene pulled him close to her, pressing her lips against his. He kissed her just as he had always done, drinking her in. For a man who had just died, Sirius thought wryly, he sure felt like he was coming alive again. 

She pulled apart from him after a moment, grinning like she’d read his mind. She held out a hand. 

“Come on, Black, Lily and James will be waiting. And the others - so many others.”

Sirius clasped her hand in his. 

“Lead the way, McKinnon.” 

 

_Fin._


End file.
